Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Sigh
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on January 08, 2014, 08:32:03 PM ---Tupp:
Perhaps you could gain more ground by filing an actual police report, complete with a timeline of all the terrible things your mother has done to you, including those that can be traced back to her. Are there reports that trace back to her regarding initial complaints about your son? I thought there were.
At that point, I'd head to the magistrate court and ask for that restraining order against her.
Seems to me those official documents are something that can be turned over to a GP. That way you're sharing official court documents, and not just spreading gossip, or appearing to spread gossip, rather.
BTW, what would be your goal in informing the GP about your mother's conduct? To help her? Tattle on her? Spoil a relationship she's enjoyed up to this point? Get the guy thinking, and perhaps asking harder questions? Perhaps helping to keep your mother under control, which is the only idea that actually makes sense to me.
If she cares what the GP thinks, and he's been put on notice officially about all the terrible things she's truly done to you, maybe she won't add to the list in hopes of leaving some doubt in the man's mind?
Not sure, but I really hate that she continues to strike out, and harm you and your son.
WTH? It takes so little effort to fudge up the works, and your son needs consistent routines he can count on.... not to have services yanked away whenever momzilla decides it's time to have a little fun, pick up the phone, and......
::sigh::
She's so evil, and underhanded, and sneaky, and such a coward while doing it......
it honestly takes my breath away.
Hang in there. Consider filing that police report, and asking for some kind of protection. Just bc a sociopath gave birth to you doesn't mean you have no rights in the justice system. Does it?
Every time she does something, you can continue adding reports. The woman deserves a file, and so does her child molesting rat bastard husband, IMO.
Why oh why is it so easy to create a lengthy file in the good guys, while the bad guys seem untouchable?!?!?!?!??!
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Bless you Lighter, your post made me laugh, I can hear the frustration in it, you get to a point where you either laugh or cry, don't you? :)
The police are a problem at the minute because I've reported both mum and step-dad before and the official police response in both cases was to believe all nonsense told to them by mum (daughter has serious mental health problems, grandson is at risk, not really disabled daughter makes it up, etc, etc). In the case of my step-dad the official conclusion was that I was waging a war against the family (no joke) - this is despite me providing a photo that didn't provide conclusive proof but certainly isn't something most people keep in the family album and the very long paper trail of false accusations made by my mum (which the police could have accessed more easily and quickly than I am able to because they can get full disclosure and I can't. So for me to go to them now they'd have to admit the mistakes they've made in previous investigations which could be a sticking point.
So - my way of thinking at the mo is this - my priorities are me and my boy. Day to day, my son takes up a good twelve hour chunk, plus I am trying to look after myself physically and emotionally at the minute and not wing it on caffeine and adrenalin (although I am allowing chocolate biscuits to help at times). The paperwork mountain feels like climbing K2 at times so I am on ploughing through it but it's slow going. I'm still wanting/needing to get solicitors to look at my son's case again re medical negligence due to possible injury during the birth, so that's one area to deal with. I also thought if I got enough together to get advice from a DV group regarding an injunction I might then be able to go to the police with their support? Which might be easier than me trying to deal with it on my own again.
The other issue is I still live over the road from my family so I do want to move house. So I think in my head there's a lot to do and I don't want to get too many things going at once because I think I might crack under the pressure. I'm thinking me and son first - then his legal case - then injunction - then police - then move. It might even be easier to involve the police after I've moved - the thought of them getting away with it again when they're on the door step is a bit much for me at the mo. At least if I'm in a different part of the country there's no chance of bumping into them. I'm going for a bit of a hare and tortoise approach I think.
Re the GP - what I was thinking is that my mum isn't safe. I wonder about dementia - it runs in the family and I did mention it to her years ago as her behaviour became more erratic (my nan did the same). So I was thinking if I sent him the info he could intervene and do something about her. However, the friend I mentioned it to doesn't think that's the case, she doesn't think he'd have the power to involve himself unless my mum asked him to (which I doubt very much she would) and she also thought it would make it look like revenge on my part which could cause more problems for me in the future. So I am wondering now whether it's such a good idea.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Green Bean on January 08, 2014, 09:24:17 PM ---:( I think the best we can do is move on if possible. Like stay in one's own world and own zone.
I would venture to say that most GP's don't really have the time to treat people thoroughly or change people or whatever.
I think maybe do something meaningful with the paperwork, have a copy or something in case you need it one day but for the most part my gut response is just don't do it, because it's more enmeshment.
It would probably only be useful if it was a legal submission in a battle or if she wasn't an independent adult and you had some kind of custody over her.
Bleh, my opinion is to try to un-enmesh by not involving one's-self. I'm not sure what exactly the paperwork is but Doctors are mainly into things written by nurses or doctors otherwise it probably is just filed at the very back of a folder.
--- End quote ---
Hi Green,
Yes, you are probably right. Some things need to be done for my son's sake but, yes, it's gone on for too long now. I am looking forward to getting it all dealt with, filing what we need to keep and burning everything else :)
Twoapenny:
Wow. Well my younger sister just turned up on the door step. We've been estranged now for about ten years. She was very enmeshed with mum. But she has made some choices that have displeased her ladyship and mum has turned on her and is doing to her what she's done to me, and enlisting the help of others as she did with me. She has that same bewildered look on her face that I think I wore for several years when I first tried to escape.
We've had a chat - nothing heavy, but I am relieved she seems to be seeing the light and is putting some distance between them. She has a new chap who seems to have cottoned on to mum very quickly (one of the things they've rowed about) and he seems to be giving her good advice about putting herself first and thinking of her kids rather than mum. I've told her to keep her head on herself and her family and not to let mum play mind games with her. We've left it that we'll speak again and perhaps meet up for a walk or something at some point.
I'm glad she came round. I'm particularly glad that her kids don't/won't be spending all their time with granny. That's always worried me (and him as well). There's not been a big kiss and make up - there will need to be some heart to hearts at some point in the future. But it was a very unexpected turn of events and I am feeling that odd sort of gladness when someone else sees it for what it is and you know for definite that it's not you that's got the problem.
lighter:
Lordy, Tupp.'
You can only do what you can do, and knowing your limits is part of staying sane.
Be mindful about your relationship with previously estranged sister. I don't necessarily believe she's there for you...... do you?
In any case, one bite at a time. The elephant will still be there, and you can eat, look at it, walk away, or a combination of each.
I like the idea of getting support from a dv group, and you deserve support and compassion from people who really get what you've been dealing with.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on January 09, 2014, 05:08:08 PM ---Lordy, Tupp.'
You can only do what you can do, and knowing your limits is part of staying sane.
Be mindful about your relationship with previously estranged sister. I don't necessarily believe she's there for you...... do you?
In any case, one bite at a time. The elephant will still be there, and you can eat, look at it, walk away, or a combination of each.
I like the idea of getting support from a dv group, and you deserve support and compassion from people who really get what you've been dealing with.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Yep I'm following the 12 steps ;) I'm just glad she's getting herself and the kids out of the situation and there is that odd/horrible sense of relief when someone else finally validates what you've been saying for so many years because the same thing has happened to them (or is happening to them). Even though I knew it was real someone else coming by and saying 'Yep, me too' gives me enormous relief.
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