Sigh

[Twoapenny]

As many of you know, my son has special needs.  Because of this, there are times when we are able to apply to charities for certain things that are related to his disability.

I recently contacted one charity to find out if a previous award was still ongoing, as they'd originally agreed to fund a course of treatment on an ongoing basis for quite some time.  It has transpired that they were contacted a while ago and told the award was no longer needed, so it was cancelled.  Obviously it wasn't me that contacted them, so in my mind there is only one other person it is likely to be.

Apart from the inconvenience and the obvious "when will it end" type questions I cannot for the life of me work out how she found out we were using them, or how she's yet again managed to convince someone she's me, particularly at this stage when we've not had contact for so long.

I don't know how to stop this or what to do.  I've been to the police, and social services and they've done nothing.  I've spoken to solicitors and it isn't something I can get legal aid for and I'm not in a position to pay for it (it's tens of thousands of pounds).  I am still making complaints and clearing up paperwork from as far back as 2004.  The deeper I dig, the more I find.

It isn't a major thing now, more of a minor irritation.  But it's an ongoing irritation and I'm still having to deal with her, even though I don't see or speak to her.

I don't know which way to turn.

[fraidycat]

So sorry to hear this, it is so heartless and cruel! I wish they would have confirmed it with you when they took your son off the list. I hope it gets straightened out.

[Hopalong]

As awful as she's been, I can't grasp why on earth a grandmother would try to sabotage health care her grandchild needs?
I can't fathom this.
Do you know for a fact that she impersonated you, or do you think she called them pretending to be the responsible party and told them he wouldn't attend his appointments or something?

I just don't get it. I'm not grasping how it could happen.

But it's good to hear that this isn't going to set him back...sheesh.

I'm so sorry, Tupp...

Damn.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

As awful as she's been, I can't grasp why on earth a grandmother would try to sabotage health care her grandchild needs?
I can't fathom this.
Do you know for a fact that she impersonated you, or do you think she called them pretending to be the responsible party and told them he wouldn't attend his appointments or something?

I just don't get it. I'm not grasping how it could happen.

But it's good to hear that this isn't going to set him back...sheesh.

I'm so sorry, Tupp...

Damn.

Hops

She's been sabotaging his health care needs for ten years Hopsie, it's what she does.  I don't know why.  I can only guess that the only way she can get to me is through him.  She knows I don't give a crap about anyone or anything else.  None of what she's done makes any sense to me.  I guess the worse he is the harder it is for me to cope and the more likely it would be that I'd give him up?  I don't know. 

I don't know what exactly has happened, I've asked for a copy of the file.  Unfortunately I have found that some of these organisations make things difficult because they don't want the trouble that goes with it - if they've taken information that serious from someone who isn't me and acted upon it it's a pretty big deal and some have made it hard for me to get paperwork and access to files in the past.  So whether she's pretended to be me or pretended to be the medic I don't know.  I am hoping (the more I think about it) that there's just been some sort of bizarre cock up.  I can't for the life of me work out how she's found out we were getting help from them? 

Anyway - nothing sets him back!  Just makes me more determined - I've done a good job with him and will continue to do so.  We'll see what comes of it all.  They're closed over Christmas which is a blessing really as there's nothing more to be done now.  I'm still hoping I find out I was adopted and she's not really my mum!

[Twoapenny]

So sorry to hear this, it is so heartless and cruel! I wish they would have confirmed it with you when they took your son off the list. I hope it gets straightened out.

Thanks, Fraidy!  It will all get straightened out, it's not really a big deal in and of itself, if you know what I mean, it's just that frustration of 'ah!  Leave us alone!'.  Perhaps it will turn out to be some big misunderstanding.  Unfortunately we've had things in the past where I've only found out because I've contacted an organisation about something else and they've said something along the lines of "well you did all this a year ago".  And of course it wasn't me, it was her.  It does just reinforce that I did the right thing by not contacting her.

[lighter]

Awww, Tupp:

Wouldn't it be nice if the people, who were tricked into helping the nutters do us harm, did what they could to document that harm, file reports, maybe undo that harm, and at least be upset they were used to harm a child?

I sometimes feel the apathy is as toxic as the intentional harm done by the pd's.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Awww, Tupp:

Wouldn't it be nice if the people, who were tricked into helping the nutters do us harm, did what they could to document that harm, file reports, maybe undo that harm, and at least be upset they were used to harm a child?

I sometimes feel the apathy is as toxic as the intentional harm done by the pd's.

Lighter

Aint that the truth!

I have had my 'I will regain control of the situation' over night.  There is a mountain of paperwork that I just find impossible to get to the top off.  So I am making it a priority - two hours a day and one whole day a week (Fridays) to get on with it and get it dealt with, one way or another.  I need to be in control of this - genuinely, not in a 'I'm scared of probability' way but because she is messing with my boy and I'm not standing for it.  I'm doing this for him - him, him, him.

I've scooted about online and I reckon I've got enough now to get an injunction taken out on my son's behalf.  I didn't have enough for me and I was in a catch 22 - as her harassment wasn't physical I'd have to cite mental health problems as the reason to get it stopped.  As she was falsely claiming I had mental health problems that made me harm my child I was in a situation that I just couldn't resolve in that way.  But based on what I read last night I think I have enough now to prove that she is harming him and get an order that prevents her from doing this to him anymore.  So that is my task for the new year.

And looking forward - and based on what you say, Lighter, about people being more willing to help after they've been duped instead of rushing to cover their arses - I'm wondering about some sort of campaign to raise awareness, support groups (I can't be the only person this has happened to), changes in legislation - something useful and meaningful to make all this heartache and hassle have some sort of meaning and help others in the future?  A long way off but something I want to think about once I've dealt with the personal stuff.  Make something good out of her.

And as a last point, I am seriously at the stage of contacting her GP once I've got all the evidence together.  I don't think anyone can force her to deal with what she's doing but her behaviour is seriously abnormal and I think a medical person should have a proper statement regarding it (it's not something she'll have been telling anyone, obviously).  So I think someone outside of the situation in her camp, as it were, ought to know what's been going on.  I might not be the only person she's doing this to???????

[lighter]

Glad you're rising to the challenge and feeling in control again, Tupp:

I understand, and am looking for ways to limit similar harm myself right now...... trying to blaze new paths, bc there aren't any, are there?

The process brings about longing to raise awareness,, as you say, and perhaps help protect innocent others down the road.

Maybe some small contribution to that cause will come about from all we're navigating?

Happy New Year, Mama Tupp.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Happy New Year to you, too, Lighter

I am finding it tough going.  A couple of hours brings on headaches, tension, sickness sometimes and then the emotions as well - dead flat, furiously angry, terrified, deeply sad.  An overwhelming desire for junk food!  But I'm just picking away, doing what I can.  I have a two page list on the wall!  I'm slowly ticking things off.  It does feel that this year will be the year for closure, one way or another   I hope it can be the same for you.

[Hopalong]

I love the idea of this being the last year of the conflicts, Tupp and Lighter.

You both deserve to at some point leave the past behind, and move into new life.

In the meanwhile, hope the work you're doing to close those doors strengthens and calms you.

xxoo
Hops

[Twoapenny]

I love the idea of this being the last year of the conflicts, Tupp and Lighter.

You both deserve to at some point leave the past behind, and move into new life.

In the meanwhile, hope the work you're doing to close those doors strengthens and calms you.

xxoo
Hops

Thanks, Hops

I have discovered that the organisation in question received a phone call, supposedly from me, telling them to cancel the funding and close down the account.  Sigh.  All they ask for, apparently, is a name, address and postcode.  You can get that from the phone book    There's no written record, no contact was made to ensure they were talking to the right person, there was no follow up or double checking - she simply called, gave them my name and address and they stopped his funding.

They have apologised and offered to reinstate his funding but I am going to make a formal complain and request that they change their procedures so that it takes a bit more info to cancel a claim and perhaps a courtesy call to double check the recipient was actually the person doing it!

I've no proof it's her so I don't think it's going to help with an injunction.  But I'm still gathering info and will go and see about getting one anyway - even if I can't now I will have everything in place when/if it happens again.  I felt sick, I felt angry, I had a bit of a cry.  But then I just come out feeling even more determined to do right by my son and show them they can't get me down.  So an early night tonight and back to it again tomorrow.

Have been naughty and bought myself a supply of choccie biccies to keep my strength up - I think a little treat is needed to get me through this!

[Meh]

That's evil    that phone call was.

Yah, I've been drinking and eating chocolate since Thanksgiving.    

Thank god for chocolate

[Twoapenny]

That's evil    that phone call was.

Yah, I've been drinking and eating chocolate since Thanksgiving.    

Thank god for chocolate

Chocolate saves many a situation, Green

Yep she's pretty unhinged.  I've also just been told that she's sent anonymous 'Santa' letters to her great grandchildren, who she's never met - again there's concern as to how she's found out where they're living.

I had been wondering whether, once I've got all this paperwork sorted out, I should send a copy to her GP so that he's aware of her behaviour?  A friend of mine thinks that's a bad idea and could make it look like I'm just trying to cause trouble.  What do you guys think?

[lighter]

Tupp:

Perhaps you could gain more ground by filing an actual police report, complete with a timeline of all the terrible things your mother has done to you, including those that can be traced back to her.  Are there reports that trace back to her regarding initial complaints about your son?  I thought there were.

At that point, I'd head to the magistrate court and ask for that restraining order against her.

Seems to me those official documents are something that can be turned over to a GP.  That way you're sharing official court documents, and not just spreading gossip, or appearing to spread gossip, rather.

BTW, what would be your goal in informing the GP about your mother's conduct?  To help her?  Tattle on her?  Spoil a relationship she's enjoyed up to this point?  Get the guy thinking, and perhaps asking harder questions?  Perhaps helping to keep your mother under control, which is the only idea that actually makes sense to me. 

If she cares what the GP thinks, and he's been put on notice officially about all the terrible things she's truly done to you, maybe she won't add to the list in hopes of leaving some doubt in the man's mind?

Not sure, but I really hate that she continues to strike out, and harm you and your son. 

WTH?  It takes so little effort to fudge up the works, and your son needs consistent routines he can count on.... not to have services yanked away whenever momzilla decides it's time to have a little fun, pick up the phone, and......

::sigh::

She's so evil, and underhanded, and sneaky, and such a coward while doing it......

it honestly takes my breath away.

Hang in there.  Consider filing that police report, and asking for some kind of protection.  Just bc a sociopath gave birth to you doesn't mean you have no rights in the justice system.  Does it?

Every time she does something, you can continue adding reports.  The woman deserves a file, and so does her child molesting rat bastard husband, IMO.

Why oh why is it so easy to create a lengthy file in the good guys, while the bad guys seem untouchable?!?!?!?!??!

Lighter

[Meh]

   I think the best we can do is move on if possible. Like stay in one's own world and own zone.

I would venture to say that most GP's don't really have the time to treat people thoroughly or change people or whatever.

I think maybe do something meaningful with the paperwork, have a copy or something in case you need it one day but for the most part my gut response is just don't do it, because it's more enmeshment.

It would probably only be useful if it was a legal submission in a battle or if she wasn't an independent adult and you had some kind of custody over her.

Bleh, my opinion is to try to un-enmesh by not involving one's-self.  I'm not sure what exactly the paperwork is but Doctors are mainly into things written by nurses or doctors otherwise it probably is just filed at the very back of a folder.