Wrote a short paragraph about Ns and abandonment that also talks about money used as a weapon of control to be added to the 24 characteristics of NMothers that is floating around the internet.
Here it is:
She fears abandonment. She is unable to encourage your adult independence because she fears abandonment. The fear is so strong she undermines and discourages normal adult risk-taking in career choices, finances, relationships and life in general. She marginalizes your abilities, suggests you accept lesser employment or belittles your interests and leadership abilities. Her power lies in controlling your choices through disapproval and denial. She secretly fears your talents and abilities are greater than hers and experiences jealousy, which she disguises as concern for your welfare. She actively undermines and validates your failures as a means of keeping you close to her. She uses money as a means of control and power. She uses money to keep you close and dependent on her and actively undermines your financial independence because she fears abandonment. She lies and betrays you by misrepresenting the truth about her own finances, frequently claiming poverty as a means to deny you genuine assistance when needed and maintain the control when she does help you. Her fear of abandonment is so strong, it’s a driving force in her interactions, which have exactly the opposite effect, her neediness and manipulations drive people away.
Hope all is well with everyone here. Thanks!
