Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
river:
........cont...........
And this:
--- Quote --- Boy is this hard and it brings such self loathing and gut wrenching bellly aches of rejection, not-worthy
--- End quote ---
] this has a name - its called 'the triad', its a system and a dynamic, it means that everytime you 'self activate', that is take action from your real self, it brings up that old paradigm, all those feelings of shame and accusation etc, and for me, the internal saboteur. So the temptation is to for example, act out on the feelings, to give up, or to drug, or allow them to overwhelm to feel like the reaction is stronger than us.
And, in my experience the strength of reaction was always a surprise, that was the cunning, baffling and powerful of it. But, its only that we can get lost/ submerged in the feelings, whereas in actual fact, it could be they've come up to be healed, as we walk forward, they let us know the size and shape of what it is we are healing from and that needs attention.
Its good for me too, talking to you, to be able to deal and address this stuff at this level, the place where its hard to find other donkeys willing to go! : )
Theres more, but this is already so long a post.
river
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Gaining Strength on July 12, 2014, 09:42:41 AM ---I found the shut off valve for my tears. My father would punish me for crying. Even as a child, well especially as a child. I vividly remember being spanked at age 5 or 6 and my father telling me that if I didn't stop crying he would spank me harder. I felt insane. I see now that this was a form of torture. And of course my mother never rescued me, she never comforted me when I was hurt, crying. I learned to only cry alone. Even as a young adult I had some excruciatingly painful experiences crying. One of the most horrific was in a summer school class. Even to the day, I cannot really talk about it because it has so much pain, and shame. It was a set up by the professor and I paid a devastating price for it.
But I am going deep into the remembered pain through the anger and straight to the tears. It is past time dfor it all to be released. My fingers are crossed. (As I write this I feel the connection to shut down.) I so long for the release.
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Aw, GS, I cried reading that. I'm the same, we were so shamed for any kind of emotion when we were kids that I just switched everything off. I think in all the years of therapy I only cried once in front of a T, but for years I cried every day at home on my own.
I have found over time that I can feel more and more, but I still find that old defence mode leaps into play when things are really tough. It's been hard to teach myself that crying is alright, I still find it very difficult to cry in front of someone, or accept comfort from them - even though every bit of me craves it. It's odd how these things can make us pull in opposite directions at the same time. Keep writing it all down, I think that helps, whether the tears come or not I think writing helps to release a bit of it xx
Gaining Strength:
My whole life I have run from the hatred and rejection from my parents and FOO unconsciously looking for someone, somewhere to take me in. Everything has bee about that, u navel to break through. Bringing it all to consciousness is creating shifts at long , long last.
I awoke with a shift but it is tender and I fear that waking will dispel it. I hope to nurture it and grow it. Love to all.
sKePTiKal:
--- Quote from: Dr. Richard Grossman on June 05, 2014, 08:38:44 PM ---Hi G.S.
First of all, welcome back! It always gives me great pleasure to see the “old timers” return for whatever reason. You have written such a courageous, painful thread for all to experience and connect with.
If you came to my office and described your history, this is what I would tell you—for this is what I have done with others in your situation. There is something crucial missing in your life, and that is an attachment to a loving, caring, empathic person. Without that attachment and the brain wiring that goes with it, all of your shame, pain, humiliation, “unlovability”, etc. will be lived over and over and over again in your life because it is the only wiring that exists. Many would disagree with me about this, but I think producing new attachment “wiring” is more important than forcing yourself, via whatever means, to come to terms/accept/desensitize oneself to the horrible pain that you have experienced. The reason is, speaking metaphorically, if the train travels along the healthy attachment tracks for long enough, the other set will become less and less “relevant” over time, and pain-wise, will begin to rust away. In my practice, I have seen this happen often. I don’t ask people to purposely relive any of their past trauma, instead I develop a relationship with her/him different than anything they’ve experienced before. That means, of course, that my attachment to them (even when they’ve stopped seeing me) is life-long, and they become an important part of my life—just as I am in theirs. This doesn’t mean that I prohibit them from speaking about their torturous past—it just means that they know they are doing it with another person who cares deeply about them (as some of the people here care about you). It also means the two of us find things to laugh about together, as well as cry about together—because life often provides plenty of opportunity for both. Importantly, the people I work with know that the “therapy attachment” is two-ways.
What is critical, given that my means of healing is not technique based but human-to-human based, is that you need to find a therapist who is a wonderful human being (like sea storm!). And someone who is willing and able to “open” their humanness to you. Sometimes this can be very difficult to find (I never found one)—although perhaps it is easier now than in the horrifying Freudian years of my distant past.
I hope this does not come across as discouraging to you—and certainly there are other methods of “healing”, but I wanted to share what has worked in my experience.
Again, welcome back and thanks so much for opening your life again to us.
Richard
--- End quote ---
To quote the eloquent and ever-compassionate Hops: BINGO! And THANK YOU, Dr. G.
As I work my way through GS's thread - I got to this and the light bulb went on.
Dear GS: you ready to hit the swings yet? :lol: We did seem to work together pretty well, partnered up. I need to finish what you've written so far. Make sure I hear you -- and not my own echos -- in other words.
Gaining Strength:
oMG - I'm so excited to see YOU!!,
(When did you change your name!)
I'm totally ready!!!
I love reading about how your children are doing. I would like to spend 12 hours in the pool. When can I come over? Ha, ha, ha.
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