Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
ann3:
--- Quote from: Dr. Richard Grossman on July 24, 2014, 04:29:43 PM ---Hi ann3,
"The Heiress" is one of my favorites: http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=10146.msg165054#msg165054
Richard
--- End quote ---
Hi Dr. G!
How cool to read that you think this film is a "A wonderful piece on voicelessness"! I saw this film years ago, before I knew about voicelessness. I saw it again about 1 year ago & it hit me that this story is all about voicelessness and an N parent scapegoating a child. Then, there's the other part of the story about how the scapegoated child of the N parent can wind up with an N spouse. The movie is a classic study of generational damage caused by Ns.
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 24, 2014, 05:56:50 PM ---Point well taken, GS and Bones. I keep veering into advice-giving when I know better!
FWIW, I think in unaware moments I feel frantic to fix
somebody (even unasked) because I can't fix my child.
Not a good way to express that though--I need to go volunteer.
Meanwhile, back to just listening.
Love and support,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thank you.
Gaining Strength:
Wow. I see why this is moving slowly. There is a life time of hurt and shut down to be processed. This morning I had a series of dreams about being included, loved, rejected and apologized to. Then it was a dream/ vision of my mother saying she was sorry - not like she did in real life, in her dismissive, infantile way but with sincerity and awareness ness of the deliberateness with which she had sabotaged and shortchanged me ad infinitum.
When she did, I felt another log break loose from the jam and enter the sluice. That's when I saw that this would be a slow process with so much more to come bit by bit. When that happened I felt a clear sense of relief but also a deep emptiness. I saw myself swaddled tightly in a thin blanket. Kept warm and tight, comforted. I felt a sense of forgiveness release me - not the kind of forgiveness which absolved her but a sense of being uncoupled from her.
Clearly there is so much more to come. I see that this is a process that has begun and I no longer fear that it will not be enough or that it will start and not finish. It will simply be slow and deliberate. Now I have so much to get done today.
I am working with a banker to get funding for a critical program for my child. This is money that was left to him for this purpose by his grandfather. I began this process almost a year ago and the money is due now and they are stalling. This process is not healthy. Ihis doctor wrote a letter commending this program for him and yet these people who do not know us have the power to decide yea or nay. Once again I am kept in the position of a child, unable to freely spend money for my child's best interest. But I have decided to use a technique for my own benefit that will help me have the right attitude. It will be accomplished.
Gaining Strength:
Hops, I can't imagine how painful it must be to not be able to communicate with her. That is a longing to the depths of most mothers. And of all mothers who mean well. My heart is with you.
ann3:
--- Quote ---Then it was a dream/ vision of my mother saying she was sorry - not like she did in real life, in her dismissive, infantile way but with sincerity and awareness ness of the deliberateness with which she had sabotaged and shortchanged me ad infinitum.
I felt a sense of forgiveness release me - not the kind of forgiveness which absolved her but a sense of being uncoupled from her.
--- End quote ---
I think this is an important dream. Perhaps this is the sincere apology which you always wanted from her, but never got? Also, your sense of feeling "uncoupled" (dis-enmeshed?) is really good. Perhaps now that both parents have passed, you feel more able, free & ready to heal: you can finally be you.
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