Hiya.
I have one simple suggestion: just be present in your body. In the moment.
No process, no rules, no yardstick of measuring - no judgement - about whether you pass muster to anyone's standards. And remain present, breathing in the empowerment of eye/hand coordination... knowing what's next (without a checklist)... and doing whatever is in front you if it needs doing.
Breathe out the need to categorize, measure, compare, judge, pigeonhole -- anything. If you can breathe, you can be whole - in that moment - and free and powerful and "perfect" (the definition of this perfect is in the cosmic dictionary... and is NOT what you've learned perfect is.)
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What I think I'm seeing in what you've written recently, is that you're dealing with peeling back every single label, judgement, description, etc that was ever licked and stuck to you. Stickers that you've internalized into how you see yourself, feel about yourself, and also how you scribe, deliniate, and limit what you think you can do - or be.
Whatever is under that pile of stickers is YOU. And you is powerful, you know what you want (if you believe that you deserve having what you want), and if you don't know how to get it - you can learn how. It matters NOT if you don't know, if you "should" have learned it years ago... you are where you are right now; you are present; and the ONLY "time" we can do something - truly do something - is in the present. Too many times, I've gotten hung up in "someday"... I'll do _____________. I haven't figured out yet, how to time travel to "someday" and do those things yet! I have a hard time making commitments about the future - because well: we're not THERE yet... and because I've decided to agree with some mouthy, judgemental "sticker"... that I can't be trusted to fulfill my commitments. Despite all the people who say I overcompensate on being reliable.
Don't be surprised, if you don't really know the "you" under the stickers all that well. There are all kinds of things down there at the core - LOL. Some of them are angry and have big teeth... but it's only because that "you" has come to expect that ALL people will ALWAYS judge you to be wanting or less than or strange or... ______________. I still like the feral cat image here: people try to be kind to it -- but it's learned not to trust that anymore, and to claw & bite instead -- because once upon a time, long long ago... someone they trusted to be kind, and accepting, and loving... turned around and was very, very, mean to it and did bad things. And then, the cat both insisted it would never be so "foolish" again... and took responsibility for being hurt & rejected & shamed... when all it wanted was connection, and kindness, to be seen and acknowledged - and accepted.
It takes awhile, but feral cats can learn to trust and be cuddly again.
