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Still need to work through early trauma

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Gaining Strength:
More difficulty today than usual.

I am thinking it is time to move into a proactive stance.  In addition to warding off the dark, adding in the light - aiming for it, seeking it, calling it into being in myself.

Gaining Strength:
Miracle of miracles. EMDR opening tonight. 

Yesterday had two wonderful encounters with friends from childhood and early adult.  Lovely, lengthy conversations.  Demonstrations to myself of a shifting being.  I have emerged from the bitterness and resentment that I wasn't even aware of but that I now see pushed everyone away.  It is such a relief.  Iam thankful for these encounters that tell me I have changed.

I had a series of dreams that indicate a change a brewing.  One was a series of "levels" of kind of building.  Each story one square room.  In each I was present, usually wih one other person.  I was cleaning and straightening and completing a science project in each room.  There was no angst.  Just where I am aiming my life.

In another I was traveling, flying.  My ticket was in the very back of the plane which had a long row of seats.  I was disappointed only to learn that it was a great group of inclusive people that I enjoyed being with.

All good, positive scenes.
 Fingers crossed.

Gaining Strength:
Depressed today. Will snap out of it but feeling tired of the battle. Looking forward to the day that I wake  and don't gave to lift self out of the mire to get started. Iyanla posted something on FB this morning about feeling unworthy of a task means you won't be able to accomplish it.  Lord knows she is talking to me. 

It is time to turn that around but right now I'm feeling beaten down. Wishing something external would lift me up.

Gaining Strength:
Resetting my mind to believe. 

I've been exercising, eating for a healthy brain. Time to add in meditation.  Must set brain to right thinking.  I believe.

Gaining Strength:
"When you undertake any endeavor harboring a conscious or unconscious belief that you are not worthy of doing it, you will find that you are unable to move forward."

From Iyanla


From today's Diane Rehm: http://thedianerehmshow.org/shows/2014-10-01/walter-mischel-marshmallow-test-mastering-self-control

It gets down to the ability of the children being able to use imagination to help control impulses.  Not unrelated to what I am doing.

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