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Still need to work through early trauma

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Hopalong:

--- Quote ---I am starting to associate this blah, yuck with intentional healing.  That really transforms it.  It helps me apply The Tools tool of feeling bad and doing it anyway. This yuck is going to be part of getting better, getting stronger, like muscle pain when working out.  I can handle it.
--- End quote ---

YOWSERS!

WOWEE!

GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY!

KUDOS!!

Damn, you are inspirational.

Thank you, GS.

love
Hops

Gaining Strength:
I often wake in the middle of the night and hear myself repeating, "I hate you." to myself. I have dine this for as long as I can remember. For many years it would go on during my waking hours. I felt it keenly in college years, alternating the phrase with the desire and image of banging my head against the wall.

I was fusing my self with their condemnation.  I remember stumbling across a pamphlet at St. stephen's in Charleston, that centered on the verse, No man is condemned....

The hope and longing I felt smashed by the fesr and doubt.

Ales2:
Sad. Just sad. Maybe Mad, mad, mad is a much better word.  :x

I just looked at my goals for this year and NONE of them have been accomplished.
In my opinion, GOOD therapy, is a catalyst and liberator towards helping me achieve my goals, not get derailed and accomplish nothing.  BAD therapy, interferes with taking the steps forward because I dont feel functional or capable or what has been done in past did not go as planned, i.e had severe conflicts with personalities, and gatekeepers  (critical bosses, bad dates I dont recover from etc.) to my goals.  Bad therapist = Bad results. Yes, my life is my responsibility not the therapist, but any therapist worth his PHD identifies there parts of the process where the patient gets stuck.... and guides them through it or sends them off to someone else.

FUCK. Can I say that on the board? Right now I am just MAD!   :x

This is not me and I can do much better!



Gaining Strength:
Yes I think you can say it ALL here Ales2. 

Why not?

You complaint re: the therapist is as legit as a complaint about a doctor.  Complaining about a therapist is not the opposite of taking responsibility.

Gaining Strength:
Having a hard time this morning.  Really struggling with my sense of failure/inadequacy.

EMDR last night helpful but doesn't seem to have a residual or lasting effect.  Woke up with massive sense of fear/rejection.  I am praying that I will transcend it so life can take place.

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