Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Gaining Strength:
Here is a long term issue that I am now dealing with: disempowerment. I have so much to write about it but I am starting by just putting it down. This is important for me and crippling feeling shut down by others unwillingness to do their part.
Ales2:
GS - thanks for your kind words and encouragement. I will bring it ALL to the board, thank you for supporting that.
Are you sure the problem is being disempowered? I learned along time ago that I over-cooperate and get drained. In other words, Ive often been the diplomat, did everything asked of me and more, showed up and was reliable when no one else would and rarely complained, kept a mostly good attitude and it turned out badly ANYWAY. Why? I learned that the bullies and controllers got everything they wanted out of me, but did not "want" me anyway, and would reject all my hard work eventually. Even my accountant told me to stop cooperating with family, because they are incapable of cooperating in return.
My NMom is a controller (obviously) and the accountant said to stop cooperating with her over living trust and assisted living matters, since she wont cooperate with keeping me informed or part of the decision making process. She also just plain wont do the work or make the decisions. I was being disempowered here and the accountant knows many controlling parents playing the same game. She told me to back off completely, make 2-3 attempts at something and then let it go. If she wants her privacy over these matters, let her have them. But once I back off, when she then wants my help, I must decline and tell her to do it herself. Hire a lawyer, call an accountant, discuss it with other family, but leave me out of it. Offer cooperation on limited time basis and then not again. Cooperation requires a certain amount of trust which my NMother and I dont have based on a 40 year betrayal, so its not going to be resolved easily.
Anyway, point of my story here- is it possible that you are trying to hard with a controller or other type person who is not capable (for fear, trust or other issues) of working with you? Are you being disempowered by a person, a process or circumstance?
Gaining Strength:
Ales2 what a wise accountant. That must be very helpful.
My struggles are now all internalized. It's no longer what someone else does but how I processed and stored and continue to react the my mist rained brain. So now my job is to become aware of it and reprogram.
It seems like a curve to me, a very slow curve for quite so period and then it begins to slope upward. I see little progress but some. The key is to stay with it until I finally get some momentum.
I am holding thoughts of healing and love and using words to carry me through long periods of the day which are difficult. I plan to do this over and over and over again until the relief is more solid.
I believe I am on the right path and keep getting evidence (coincidences) that encourage me.
Ales2:
Wise accountant for sure. She seems to know the difference between people who can take financial advice and those who are too fearful, un-trusting and stubborn to be dealt with. Good advice for any cooperators out there to avoid controllers! Anyway---
My gift for the day is this handy-dandy little slide show about the "maladaptive introject"...the little voice inside you that internalizes what you have heard. You may already know all of this, but it not, this video is insightful and helpful.
http://dnmsinstitute.com/clients/slideshow/
Hang in there, you do sound like you are GAINING STRENGTH, literally. :)
Ales2:
OK, its been awhile since Ive seen that video - the video and its content are excellent, but the narrator is a little stiff and awkward in his delivery. If you can sit through that, its worth your time. Maybe skip forward to 12 minutes and see if this is close to helpful, then start at the beginning.
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