Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Gaining Strength:
Ales - NC & LC were for the best for me too but I am still saddened that we were born into families for which this would be true.
I continue to learn more about myself and my predicament. These recent weeks I continue to see how my body physically reacts to the "freeze", " learned helplessness." There is a shot of adrenaline, like it is stuck on open. It is exhausting. I am moving from the understanding phase, the knowledge phase into the conscious phase of how the condemnation, long ago internalized fear, expectation of being rejected or failing trip a physical response, activation of the dread adrenaline surge. This is where the shut down comes from - a way to avoid the harsh criticism and shame response.
So the next move is to ward off or circumvent or avoid this long entrenched response. That is where the healing will take place. That is where I can move into action and out of "freeze" shut down. It is scary. I don't know how to make the leap but I am so thankful to see how I got here after all of these years of searching.
Ales2:
GS - funny your post should mention these things. This is what I wrote in my journal this morning:
Sadness:
Be grateful for the opportunity to be independent (very few people can live without family, that makes us strong, not weak)
Its a GIFT.
Its for the BEST.
Disempowered Self:
Its an N Lie
Its a projection of their insecurities, not true statements about us
Its a GIFT
Rewire by laughing it off
Meditate on situations where the voicelessness (or freeze) occurs and visualize responding to it in words. I then write the verbal answers in my planner&journal to keep reinforcing it.
Some people will tell is being autonomous or NC is weakness or a defense, it is not, Autonomy is me managing my own life privately. Another way to look at NC is this:
The Heatlhy Ones
Take responsibility for their life
Take a stand for against perpetuating dysfunction
Promote peace through detachment
Have healthy independence
I am single and do spend the holiday by myself, probably working on scrapbooks and then going for Tgiving meal at a restaurant - went last year and it was great. Maybe take a long walk in my neighborhood and see the ocean (if its not windy). Other than that, happy to be by myself. In my town there are lots of single gatherings I could attend, but that makes the loneliness worse, because I go just to say I had "plans" but not because I actually enjoy it or the people.
Anwyay, a happy holiday to everyone here on the board!
Gaining Strength:
Oh thanks for sharing. That us a top
Notched perspective.
Gaining Strength:
Periodically I find myself writing, writing, writing.. As if writing will bring the dark out into the conscious. Today is one of those days.
It continues to be mysterious to me that knowing and understanding what plagues me does not immediately release me. It I take comfort in understanding. As it took me decades to get here. But I need to move forward into healing. The eye move,ent is helping but ironically, as I do it, more memories come up, bringing up more of the trigger pain which needs more eye movement.
I am also learning how my body has reacted for decades, bracing for wallop that is coming. The bracing has been mostly unconscious but now that I am getting relief I am becoming more and more aware of the bracing. MIT is a physical muscular tension that I feel predominantly in my shoulders,and neck. The very place I have held my tension for my entire life..
I'm thinking to just keep processing. To try to move forward with out retreating. That is the biggest thing possible for me. It is scary. But it shouldn't be. We will see.
Hopalong:
For you, GS...Happy Thanksgiving!
(And the same to everyone.)
https://www.utexas.edu/features/2005/writing/
love
Hops
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