Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Hopalong:
Hi GS,
Can you share a link or name of the gadget?
I'd like to look it up.
Thanks, and I'm so happy to hear your multiple mini-successes!
They are adding up to new days in this healing-oriented life you are now living...
And with days, then months and years and all of it flows.
love
Hops
Gaining Strength:
I sure will Hops. I'll send more detail info later on when I have more time. It's called the Brain Stimulator. They were actually on nightline after I ordered mine. I'm beginning to have some good results.
Gaining Strength:
I am focusing on the three areas of deepest wounding: neglect, rejection, and condemnation. Over recent months the pain from my original woundings has surfaced from decades of repression. Now, at long last I am face to face with it day in and day out all day long even through the night. Did I not believe this was on the path to healing I would not be able to bear it.
My goal toward healing is not to linger in the feelings in response to these woundings but to embrace them and move into the feelings of consolation and healing.
Allowing the feelings, being mindful of them, aiming to be mindful of the shift into love and comfort and healing.
I don't expect this to be quick but it is important and I am writing so that as the days tick by
, if I get discouraged I can look back and reference this for encouragement. I have not been short on determination but long on discouragement and solace. Both of those can be generated.
Ales2:
HI GS - thanks for your comments. Yes, it was a weird pms thing where everything negative is magnified.
Its been a week and things are good, I have felt good all week. I started the "handy" diet and that is working, lost about 4lbs which is probably 3 lbs pms bloating and 1lb actual weight loss. Feels good and eating is under control. With this plan, I can make it through holidays without weight gain and still enjoy a holiday meal and new years brunch. I wrote out the holiday foods I must have or I will feel deprived and its a short list - 4 things. If I can have one serving of each, I will have enjoyed the holiday without overindulging. Handy diet includes shopping and party strategies to keep things on track and is very helpful.
Also made an inventory of disempowering thoughts (career, finances, dating, emotional/forgiveness, progress) that keep me stuck in vicious cycle and that is also very helpful. Makes it easier to stop analyzing/worrying and do more work, and less procrastination because I am in a stuck place is 1/2 the battle.
Hope all is well here for everyone....holidays are getting close. What is everyone giving themselves for the holidays? Me, not sure yet, could be a pair of ice skates or something else- not sure yet. :D
Gaining Strength:
I have small periods (often at night) during which I feel very comfortable and clear. Those moments give me clarity and a peek into what being out of depression and anxiety is like and that gives me hope.
This is slow but I am persevering. I am in a place from early childhood working through those dread feelings resulting from rejection and being belittled and the learned expectation that it would continue to pile on.
I have made progress on not feeding into the constant processing of rejection and criticism. But that has been constant during my entire life until recently. It will not go away immediately but I will get free and I won't give up.
I had an xperience yesterday that highlighted my "expectation". I had a meeting with my child's trust officer. I was not looking forward to it. It was a new officer (after just a year) the last one made is so difficult to get funding for Outward Bound even though it had been part of the dialogue before the account was set up. I really drug my feet and had to work hard to not bail on the appointment. I was expecting the worst. When we met and I began describing my child's struggles and needs he stopped dead in his tracks and said I could be describing his son. He and his wife have been through such a similar experience. It highlighted how negative my expectations are but it also shows me how much room I have to go.
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