Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Still need to work through early trauma
Ales2:
HI GS - I hope you are doing OK. Your post made me feel very sad - I felt much the same as you did about people who claim to love when what they really do is undermine and hate. I read the article and saw the site it came from and my initial reaction is that what a contrast it is to sites on Nism.
Also, alot of what you were talking about sounds like energy healing - not yet something I believe- but I have seen interesting videos on Youtube about "cutting cords of negativity" as a meditation, affirmation and hypnosis. I can't recommend anything, but thinks its an interesting concept to explore.
Anyway, I am thinking about you and wishing you the best in your recovery and healing. The last two months have been tough for many, so hang in there, think of its like the dark of winter and spring is coming (literally and figuratively).
All the best to you, Alesa
Gaining Strength:
Thanks so much Alesa. The article was interesting. When I read something that confirms my experience it gives me a boost. This struggle is so alienating but reading something like that helps me feel understood and for some reason that is more valuable than having a handful of friends care. This "disease" is so bizarre and few people understand at all. It puts the ground back under my feet to understand why I have struggled so.
Gaining Strength:
I am back on a learning curve. I am beginning to see that my coping technique has been to avoid - avoid rejection, condemnation etc. but everything I did and do is tied to feeling rejected and "not good enough" and not deserving.
Getting to this pain which I have repressed lifelong in really horrible. I see why I have gotten where I am. It will be the most difficult thing in my life to face this and get beyond. But I believe I can do it.
Avoidance is a kind of a double bind. I. Not sure how I will do it but I do know that for every level that I have faced the way out has appeared as well. The only thing I fear is staying where I am.
I have to laugh at myself because as soon as I post this I will by habit be pulled into avoidant tactics. I can feel it pulling on me even as I type. This will be the most difficult shift of my life. But I know I must do it and I know I can.
Gaining Strength:
This is it. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201005/avoidance-anxiety-self-sabotage-how-running-away-can-bite-you-i
First step ironically is to do nothing rather than avoid. Sounds crazy. But if I do nothing rather than something to avoid until I have the power to address the task at hand it will bring me one step closer. I have thought for years that I was paralyzed but now I see that I have been avoiding. So now, rather than picking any activity rather than cleaning, housework or paperwork I am going to NOT do my primary avoidant behaviors - TV, internet, sleeping. Rather I will set aside specific times to be present and mindful to the task. I'll start out small but frequent, not expecting action but facing avoidance, in other words, even if not doing the task, keep it present in mind rather than doing ANYTHING else.
We'll see.
Gaining Strength:
This is stunningly difficult.
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