Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Still need to work through early trauma

<< < (16/146) > >>

Hopalong:
Bravo.

So bravo.

Hops

Gaining Strength:
Thanks for you encouragement Hops.

Gaining Strength:
I am making progress. Bit by bit. I have almost broken through that layer of expecting the shame. I have certainly broken through a layer of consciously feeling that I deserve it (though there is an icebergs worth of the unconscious part to heal.)

I have a long way to go but feel thankful that I am on the path. I have tuned into or discovered an ability to resonate with certain images or feelings and in contrast I am learning to notice discordant feelings and to heal them or separate from them.in time I will no longer have to avoid such disconsonance but will be able to correct them.

For now, my dreams are bringing up so much for me to process.

I am beginning to understand that as a child I was trained to tune into the dark, low vibrations that my father demanded of me, shame, fear, anxiety. Neither he nor my mother were able to love. Their own inadequacies came from their FOOs. My father's family has such dark, dark auras. For several generations. For now, I must simply maintain a wall to shut that dark energy out. Perhaps when I am stronger I can help heal that as we'll.

My mothers family on the other hand was capable of love but here had been traumas and disruptions, the biggest of which was my grandmother's reaction to her second born that continued for 43 years until my grandmothers death. But it had roots that lasted long past. But my mothers family can be more easily restored.

When I get to the place where I no longer fear triggering the dark stuff then I will be free. I think I am close. For now, if I bring that fear into consciousness and name it then I am already proficient enough in connecting to the love of that group I have assembled to counteract and heal those feelings of shame and anxiety. So I just need to name that fear and heal it. The more I do this the easier it will be.and the sooner that whole layer of fearing the shame paralysis will disappear.

Gaining Strength:
Today is the first day in a very long time that I don't have to react to stuff coming at me. I have an opportunity to see how much progress I have made in stepping forward to tackle things that need to be done. As I make my plans I see that I have a long way to go in getting past just fending off disaster. It comes from decades of trying to break through the gridlock only to be beaten down again.

So now I must call on my rational mind or more accurately the new consciousness to be willing to have faith that I am healing and that these long years of failing are on their way out. It is still quite scary but that suggests that I can work on that layer of fear and as that dissipates I will be able to move forward again.

Gaining Strength:
My dreams are getting better. Such a relief.mi am so thankful to have so much time to heal . The sign I am looking for is when the cleaning begins and is sustained and the shame, if triggered is released  through my thought techniques. Still very hopeful.

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page