Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Daughter in law
Gaining Strength:
Lupita, I'm so glad you have that precious baby to love.
Lupita:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on July 18, 2014, 05:04:44 PM ---Oh, honey. I do understand. I'm sorry I'm so blunt.
And he, clearly, very clearly, has told you exactly what he wants you to do.
He wants you to NOT comment. So that's why I vote No Comment (from you, about her--evermore).
At the same time, another thing occurs to me... if you are distressed and upset and destabilized by being around her behavior, well there's an opportunity to set healthy boundaries for YOURSELF. You have no obligation to sit there passively and quiescent while you observe abusive behavior.
But rather than taking it up with your SON (which distresses him, obviously) -- you can just speak about YOURSELF. Your OWN well being. For example (and take this with a grain of salt because I've had a beer):
I love you all so much. But I'm going to have to take a break (go outside, not be available this week), because when you ARGUE/BICKER/CRITICIZE EACH OTHER I find I feel so upset that I can't enjoy being with my grandbaby. Please call me next week...I would love to babysit. But I just need a break from this tension. I can help and support you two but not when it's affecting my happiness. Please let me know when thing are calm and you can talk to each other respectfully.
--- End quote ---
This is what I can use, and thank you Hop ofr the time you took to write.
I have no obligation to witness this abuse.
In fact, I did it on my own. I baby sat on Thursday and she was bitching me and make me give him a bath when I did not want to. So the following day I arrived just in time for her to leave. That way she cannot give me orders. And she did not. She just left.
Thank you for your positive vibration GS.
lighter:
Hey Lupita:
You chose well.
Showing up right before the DIL leaves is better than showing up early, so she can boss you around, and create trouble.
Remember to stay focused on your joy, and to do your best to have the relationship YOU want with DIL, son, and that beautiful grandson of yours. I hate it when negative people rub off on me, and train ME. Sometimes you have to shake your head, and change the way you're thinking to get out of that negativity. It helps if I ask myself....
"I wonder what happened to that person to make them behave that way." Then I thank God I'm having a better day, and keep moving, bc our altitude is determined a good deal from our attitude.
Your grandson is learning from everyone in his life, and this is your opportunity to help him learn how to deal with stress, and problem solving. He's watching all the adults, and learning from them all the time. What will you model for him?
Give that little crumb cruncher a hug for me....
I do love babies; )
Light
Hopalong:
(What Lighter said. Wow.)
And you're very welcome, ((((Lupita)))).
love
Hops
Lupita:
I am so mad and so disappointed!!!!!!
He told me today that he was not able to make it. She found an excuse for every date the counselor offered. He said that we will have a meeting after the trip. I said:
"Dont count on me" I wont do it. That was my condition.
I think she knows she is in the wrong.
Now what? If they find somebody else or they just dont go they are going to blame me.
I feel just in front of my mother. When I finally feel free from my mother's power I start giving my power to someone else.
I have to be able to be happy even if there is a problem.
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