Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Daughter in law
Lupita:
I have power over myself.
I layed out a boundary, and followed through with consequences.
Everyone needs free babysitting.
I can stay calm, keep communicating the way I want them to communicate with me, and have a relationship with my grandson.
I do not know if my son and DIL would cut me out of their lives if you don't let the DIL pick fights, and jerk me around? It's normal to stop subjecting myself.
I will tell her that I won't have a discussion with her if she's going to raise her voice, name call, or change the subject or leave before settling an issue.
I deserve to be treated respectfully.
I need to work on getting the baby to my place instead.
I can't change my DIL. All I can change is myself, and engage with her with compassion, and no judgment.
Do they have enough money to pay pet and baby sitters to replace all you do for them? I HOPE NOT. I WANT TO BE WITH MY GRAND SON.
So, today 7/29/14, my son had asked me to take care of the baby for him to go to a rehearsal. That was since Saturday. She knew it and she did not say anything. My son called me today just five minutes before I left my house. He told me that she did not want me to go. That she was going to take care of the baby and that she was in a bad mood and he did not want that problems spark there. I had my lunch ready, my plans, everything. She waited until the last minute to do that. I think that she planned it just to show me who is in power. Just to hurt me. My only desire is to be with the baby. To be part of something. Why is she so jealous of me? Why does she have this desire to hurt me? I have not done anything to hurt her. I have been very nice to her and take care of the baby even for her to go out with her friends without my son, just to have fun. Nobody helped me that way. What can I do? Just remain calm and love the baby and be with the baby all the chances I have, when she wants to. My son has very little authority in that
lighter:
Hi Lupe:
Update?
All you can do is placate the DIL, and try to have the relationship you want to have.
Kill DIL with kindness, don't show upset to her, and enforce reasonable boundaries.
You can't change anyone but yourself..... how are things working out for you now?
Lighter
Lupita:
Light!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for asking!
Worse and worse.
Her mother has lived with then since the day they decided to move together. She is a dreadful person. She said that she would go to another state to take care of her mother. She did. I thought it was heaven. But she lied. Instead of staying with her mother in the other state where this old lady has a house and pension, she got her and came back to live again with my son and his wife with her mother too. So, now I go baby sit with having my daughter in law'smother, and grand mother in a wheel chair. She really makes my life very difficult becaue she oides not work and stays in the house all day saying ugly things about me and when I get there to baby sit everybody is mad at me and nobody welcomes me. Very sad.
What DIL and her mother want is that I give up and she takes care of the baby instead of me. I have not given up so far but they constantly break my spirit and disapprove everything I do. My son gets mad at me because he is there with them and hears so many complains about me. He is irritated when I get there. He told me that I get there and everything because chaotic. I am the only one who helps. And I help and go to my house. The pother woman does not help, she is a leech, and a parasite and she is welcome.
Sad.
Izzy_*now*:
Dear Lupita,
I am so sorry that this has happened to you.
What do you think of taking them to Court asking for1 day a week with your grandson at YOUR HOME.
Your reason for asking is the way you are treated when you go there, by her, by your own son, and the rest of the Bridge Club. The only reason I didn't do that is that I have my disabilities and I felt that would go against me. Don't you think that a grandma needs her grandson, and vice versa? and you need quality time without the bridge club watching your every move!
Good Luck
Izzy
lighter:
So sorry things just keep getting more and more complicated, Lupita.
Sometimes that's the way it goes.....
there will be days you eat the bear, and on others......
the bear eats you.
Remember.....
nothing good nor bad, lasts forever.
This too shall pass, and you don't want to look back on these times and wish you hadn't squandered so much time and energy on the negative people.
There's this lovely little shining light there for you to focus HERE. Now.
I say give the MIL and negatives others as little as you can, so you have more everything for yourself and that darling gs.
Remember.......
be chipper, and keep your sense of humor in tact. Don't rub their lazy noses in their shortcomings.... it just draws more fire, and I can imagine how I'd feel in your position... I'd be cleaning little corners, and shaming them right and left, not meaning to, but having to control myself or make it worse, bc that's what I do when I'm under pressure.
I clean with great vigor, and there's nothing more satisfying than shaming nasty people with that kind of energy. It's just not helpful though.
Let's face it.....
Those people are miserable.
You don't have to be.
Don't let them transfer their unhappiness and aggression TO YOU, Lupe.
Detach emotionally, and focus on your next adventure.
BEFORE you're triggered, invoke a helpful mantra...
"Nope, you aren't triggering me today, I have a world to conquer with my gs." Whatever works, Lupe.
I love conversations and activities with little children!
You never know what they're going to say: )
Lighter
It's fall. Go outdoors with the little one and kick leaves.... marvel at things under rocks, and play by creeks!
BE AUNTIE MAME, not the victim your DIL wants you to be. YOU get to choose, and aren't you the lucky one?
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