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Daughter in law

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Lupita:
Izzi and Light
She asked my son to tell me that she did not want me to baby sit anymore. She also asked my son that I do not go in the house when she is there. But she is there all the time so my chances are very little. My son promise me to bring to baby to me once a month. That is too little. Hed said he might bring him next saturday. I am afvraid that she is going to sabotage it. I do not understand why she wanted to get rid of me when I was helping her so much.

Lupita:
the pain is unbearable. I want to scream, to cry to die to I dont know.;

Hopalong:
(((((((((((Lupita))))))))))), I'm so very sorry.

I think she's just reacting to your tone and emotionality. And to her own insecurity.
Perhaps feeling that she is not viewed as the most important woman in your son's life.

I've never had a daughter in law but have read advice columns for many years, and this problem
is mentioned over and over again. The advisors always always always say that a parent must step
aside, be nearly submissive, respectful, and never reproachful or critical, in order to ease into
their child's new family and not threaten their child's spouse.

To limit your time with your grand-baby is cruel, and the oldest power game in the book.

I am so sorry.

The only advice I have to to accept your once a month visit with the deepest inner peace and
joy you can create, and hang on to that. If you escalate the drama you may lose all contact.

I wish some family counseling sessions could happen with you and your son and your DIL.

love and comfort
Hops

lighter:
I'm sorry to read your last posts, Lupita.

It sounds like your DIL is trying to cut you out of your son, and gs's life, and that your son is stuck in the middle, trying to keep the peace.

He has a child to consider, so I understand him stepping lightly.

He can't afford to start a war with his wife over your time with the baby.

What can he do? 

Bring the child to you as often as he can manage it, but how can he minimize the conflict?

I have no  idea, but maybe you do?  Get busy for the month, and don't contact them.  At all.  When you speak with your son make sure you aren't pressuring him, and that you seem happy, and busy, and not bothered by lack of contact.  The more you want something, the more your DIL might sense it, and mess with you.  Maybe you can start getting some weekends or shorter visits during the week if things cool down?  They need to cool down, Lupe. 

((((Lupita)))))

Remember self care rituals, and hold compassion in your hearf for DIL and her mother to the best of your ability.  If they feel you're up for a fight, or have entered into a fight with them, you're never going to get more time with that baby, IME.

Hopalong:
I think it's important to try not to view her as a villain, Lup...nor yourself as a victim.
Just remember there's a scared child inside HER, and she may be fighting her own battle
to feel confident and in charge of her new role as a mother...

It's possible that you do overwhelm her.

If you could start trying to look at her as a possible DAUGHTER, and not as a RIVAL,
and pour all the compassion you can toward her...it will help.

Don't just view her as an obstacle between you and YOUR gbaby.
Look at her as the marvellous person who created this baby with your son.

KWIM? It would be the hardest spiritual challenge you'd ever face, but
if you can hold her in your heart with gratitude, in some way, I know that
will eventually soften her fear of you.

Just remember that she's only controlling, because she's afraid.

love
Hops

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