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Daughter in law

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lighter:
Hi Lupita:

I want to validate something here, so you can turn away from it in the 3-d world, and not have to share it with anyone involved.....

cutting you out of your grandson's life is a terrible act of violence.

Not just against you,  but against your gs as well.

You can't say that out loud, or seek understanding in your situation, so I wanted you to experience it here.

It's the truth, but saying that out loud will harm you in the situation.

It's also true that your DIL will likely thwart your son's first attempts to set up a visit with you and your gs, however,
if you remain level and positive there's a chance things will improve.

IMO, your son will advocate for you more heartily if you aren't being negative, and adding to the conflict. 

I'm hoping your DIL will get bored with jerking you around. That only has a chance of happening if you don't give her the reaction she'll be expecting.

If she gets bored with jerking you around, she might have time to remember how nice it is to have some time in the house without her child, and her mother requiring her attention.  She might actually ask your husband to set up a visit if you play your cards right; )

That's the hope.

Lighter

Hopalong:
With the greatest respect for Lighter, who is strong, unequivocal and powerful in so many ways...

I gently disagree with "a terrible act of violence."

I think that kind of rhetoric amps up the intensity and polarization, which ultimately will increase the estrangement.

It may not be accurate, but what I read is that DIL doesn't want Lupita to babysit.
That's pretty tough, but I don't equate it to "cutting her out of her grandson's life."

Because Lupita's son is planning to bring his baby to see his mother monthly.

I do think it's a terrible situation and that the DIL's feelings are powerful and worrisome.
But I repeat my suggestion that compassion, not "enemy language" -- will increase Lupita's
chances of smoothing over the conflict and restoring her relations with all of them.

Couldn't be more critical, in my view, than now, to have an objective family counselor
help them re-negotiate baby time. If that's at all possible, Lupita, I hope you can have
a few sessions.

From inside the stockpot, it's terribly hard to see what's going on in the kitchen.

love to you, and Lighter too--
Hops

Lupita:
I love this board for the wise information you can get from the people here.
Thank you Light and Hop. I am mixing the advises.

 it's a terrible situation and that the DIL's feelings are powerful and worrisome. compassion,  will increase chances of smoothing over the conflict and restoring  relations with all of them. have an objective family counselor help  re-negotiate baby time.

If she gets bored with jerking you around, she might have time to remember how nice it is to have some time in the house without her child, and her mother requiring her attention.  She might actually ask your husband to set up a visit if you play your cards right; )

this last one is my goal

Gracias

Lupita:
I am not as desperate as I was. but the pain is very big.

I dont think i can forgive this daughter of a bitch. I cannot. But I can do my best to pretend so I can have the baby. I will never trust her again. She is a snake and she will bite. It is in her DNA.

I have to be very careful and very prudent. Not loving.

Respectful, prudent, careful, very very careful.

I wish they get a joint custody and they divorce soon. I wish that.

God!!!! Please help me.

Lupita:
I have never seen my eneymie to be punished by God. Neved. Ever.
I wish she was punished. I wish she suffered. I dislike her.

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