Hi Garbanzo... this, hit me like a ton o' bricks... I can, relate:
it's not popular to be real
Can I riff on that a bit? Nothing personal, really - just the observation that now, more than ever, there is social pressure to "belong" or identify oneself as being part of a group. And well, I think a lot of people have a need to belong; they need the acceptance and recognition of their "selves" from the group - the emotional security of the group. <hey: what's emotional security? is that a "thing" really - or a fleeting, transitory state of being?>
Early on, in HS... this group thing was real predominant (didn't exist for me at all in grade school), but I'd seen that the exchange of being "accepted" into a group (or not) was a trade-off; an exchange -- the security of the group, for giving up some individuality and freedom. To me, that was a box; a cage... and I didn't want to be pegged as being in ANY of those boxes. So, I floated on the edges of many of them - participating to a degree - but never letting them "own" me to the point that I felt trapped; as if I'd sold my soul to them for security.
A group offers social activities. Sometimes you work together, with a common goal - using your individual skills/strengths. Sometimes you just hang out together and enjoy doing nothing productive; sometimes you just have fun. Groups tend NOT to support introverts, unless you develop an extrovert persona that you put on for those occasions FIRST... JUST to participate in the opportunity to feel like you belong to the group. Trying to pick one, maybe two people to have a "real" conversation with isn't always a good strategy either. Sometimes it works. [just using the pronoun "you" incorrectly to keep it simple; I don't mean YOU, Garbanzo...]
Well, that whole "group" thing is kinda circular for me, in any case. I tell myself, I like to think... that I have enough self-confidence in who I am, to just be me and not worry about being part of the "group" and I go, I'm social, but I'm seldom "real" - no one wants a serious conversation at a party and it's still a change from my normal routine, so in that respect - it's "fun". But the inner child part of me is desperate for some "real" connection, while at the same time she's putting out all the signals of:
"don't come any closer; that's far enough - biohazard, toxic waste, nasty awful stuff - past this point." When I got her home, the last time, I spent a couple weeks asking her who said she could come out of her cage and terrorize all those people who were just trying to be nice... after all, she is supposed to be neither seen nor heard... you know?
My inner child is a real terror about the "group" thing... at least, to my extremely inexperienced, victorian, puritanical "idea" of how one is supposed act and what one is supposed to talk about... and all that changes, and goes away... when I'm in charge of what's going on, handling the logistics, delegating, heading off the "awkward moments"... and not burning the appetizers. I'm a miserable follower and feel more comfortable being the leader. So, what's your role in groups?
