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Understanding People

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Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: lighter on March 01, 2016, 06:12:36 PM ---Tupp:

It made me feel very glad to read about your new spot of color in the closet. 

I actually got chills reading about your practicing yoga and meditation on a regular basis.  It's creating sacred space inside ourselves.  I picture you doing it in a very tidy sunny place..... a sacred space for sacred work: )

I'm sending prayers for continued healing for you and your son.

You might put off your move for a bit, but it's coming, and you'll be ready for it.

Lighter







--- End quote ---

Hi Lighter,

Thank you :)  I'm finding the yoga and meditation is bringing up yet more old stuff - it's amazing how much we keep inside ourselves.  I'm struggling a bit, I fell off the wagon yesterday, ate loads of doughnuts and watched loads of rubbish on telly.  I've been meditating on attracting wealth - I've always been on a low income and when a bit of money comes my way something else usually happens to eat it up.  I have always felt like my mum sold us - my step dad bought her whatever she wanted and she let him do what he liked to her daughters.  I've always been aware of it but hadn't really acknowledged it before if that makes sense?  So that reared it's head and I've found that a difficult feeling to sit with, hence the doughnuts and the telly :)  I've also been getting a lot of memories back about things I did as a younger person and have been feeling a lot of shame and anger towards myself, so I'm trying now to focus on working through that and letting it go.  Trying not to give myself a hard time about it, I think in the long run things are moving forward well but I know I tend to focus on the bits that didn't work quite so well, so trying to let that go as well.  It's funny how much we want to let go off things but how hard we find it is to do it?!

Love and happy wishes to you and your girls.  Thank you for the prayers xx

Gaining Strength:

--- Quote from: Twoapenny on February 24, 2016, 02:39:47 AM ---I'm astounded again at how much about myself I don't notice for years and then suddenly I see it and it's so obvious I don't know how I've missed it.  Nothing about my life is as I want it.  I don't live the way I want to live, I don't spend my days doing what I love to do, I'm not with people I love to be with, I'm not spending time in places that I love to be in, I don't even wear the sort of clothes I really love to wear.  And I can see so clearly - and why it's happened today I don't know - that I've never felt that I deserve those things in my life and so instead I live the life of a drudge, making do and putting up and tolerating and not rocking the boat or upsetting anyone or making any kind of demand or assertion about myself or what I want.  I don't know why I didn't see this before.  Anyway, time to change that.

--- End quote ---

I relate to your thread, especially this post.  I too struggle with a child who has difficulties.  It can be all consuming.  But I have also found that bit by bit over the past 15 years, while all my childhood and young adult friends left me behind I have picked up a few new ones.  And the more I heal, and discover "the obvious" about myself, the more acquaintances I interact with..  I find myself being more open to people I never would have entertained, would have shut off immediately in the past. This opens my realm of friendly interactions with acquaintances and I think that has made it possible to have a few friends again  It has been slow and subtle.

I didn't know exactly where I was going with this post when I started but now that I've written it I see even more the value of opening up to a broader range of acquaintances has made a big difference, being friendly, inquiring about them, really interested even though not really getting together or wanting a close relationship but expanding interactions and reducing my level of rejecting others.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Gaining Strength on March 02, 2016, 09:34:31 AM ---
--- Quote from: Twoapenny on February 24, 2016, 02:39:47 AM ---I'm astounded again at how much about myself I don't notice for years and then suddenly I see it and it's so obvious I don't know how I've missed it.  Nothing about my life is as I want it.  I don't live the way I want to live, I don't spend my days doing what I love to do, I'm not with people I love to be with, I'm not spending time in places that I love to be in, I don't even wear the sort of clothes I really love to wear.  And I can see so clearly - and why it's happened today I don't know - that I've never felt that I deserve those things in my life and so instead I live the life of a drudge, making do and putting up and tolerating and not rocking the boat or upsetting anyone or making any kind of demand or assertion about myself or what I want.  I don't know why I didn't see this before.  Anyway, time to change that.

--- End quote ---

I relate to your thread, especially this post.  I too struggle with a child who has difficulties.  It can be all consuming.  But I have also found that bit by bit over the past 15 years, while all my childhood and young adult friends left me behind I have picked up a few new ones.  And the more I heal, and discover "the obvious" about myself, the more acquaintances I interact with..  I find myself being more open to people I never would have entertained, would have shut off immediately in the past. This opens my realm of friendly interactions with acquaintances and I think that has made it possible to have a few friends again  It has been slow and subtle.

I didn't know exactly where I was going with this post when I started but now that I've written it I see even more the value of opening up to a broader range of acquaintances has made a big difference, being friendly, inquiring about them, really interested even though not really getting together or wanting a close relationship but expanding interactions and reducing my level of rejecting others.

--- End quote ---

I understand where you are coming from there, GS, I think part of the problem I've had with people is that I expect friends to be everything I need them to be.  I'm slowly starting to realise that you can have a friend that you just meet for a walk once a month, and one that you talk about politics with and one that you go out with when you want to dance and let your hair down.  I'm realising I'm as hard on others as I am on myself and that none of us can be everything that someone else needs - so I can't expect that in others, either.  I think I've veered a bit too far where friendships go; because I've had a lot of situations where I've let myself be taken advantage of or given a lot more than I've received I think I've fallen into that trap of going too far the other way, not giving anyone any kind of give in a situation, keeping track of what I do compared to what they do and so on.  It's practise, I think, and perhaps better to work on having a group of people that we're involved with in different ways, perhaps?  I think having a child with difficulties (or health problems yourself) can make friendships more difficult.  I find that by the time I've done a full day with my boy I'm shattered and in that day I've probably not spoken to another adult or had a chance to call someone.  If no-one's called me in that time (which is how it is most days) then I feel very alone, although I do realise it just means that other people I know have had a day just as busy and tiring as mine.  I also feel like I don't have much to talk about any more?  My days are often very samey and mundane and the thought of having to make conversation about myself scares me a bit now, I haven't really got anything interesting to say (or at least anything the other person would find interesting!  My phone used to ring a lot through the day and people used to pop round a lot but most of them wanted something from me and once I put some boundaries in place (arrange to come over rather than turning up unnannounced, I can't chat during the day but I'll talk to you this evening or at the weekend) most of those people vanished and I found that hard to cope with.  But, as you say, new people pop up and things start to change; I do feel more positive about the future (and a lot of that is down to this forum and having all of you wonderful people to talk to) xx

Gaining Strength:
I understand about the dramatic shift in putting up boundaries.  Your post is so insightful.  Shifting from one way of being to another  brings so much unknown.  My own grief at the loss or missing or unfulfilled hope of friendships and relationships is acutely present to me as I read what you have written. 

I feel great compassion for where you are.

Twoapenny:

--- Quote from: Gaining Strength on March 04, 2016, 11:18:46 AM ---I understand about the dramatic shift in putting up boundaries.  Your post is so insightful.  Shifting from one way of being to another  brings so much unknown.  My own grief at the loss or missing or unfulfilled hope of friendships and relationships is acutely present to me as I read what you have written. 

I feel great compassion for where you are.



--- End quote ---

Thank you, GS, it is a struggle, isn't it?  I have wondered over the years how much of my need for people comes from trying to fill that hole that is usually filled by a mum.  I lost my dad at a young age so it was almost like being orphaned although I still had a parent, which sounds odd.  But I do wonder if those of us who weren't lucky enough to come from loving homes have a greater need for love, and yet conversely often attract the wrong sort because it's what we are used to?  It's almost like a double dilemma but I can definitely feel healing taking place.  I don't feel as lonely all the time, even though my contact with people hasn't increased, and I'm starting to realise that there are some people around me I'm happier not seeing anyway.  I suppose it's all about balance in the end, we're all getting there in our own way :) x

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