Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Tips for Boosting Self Esteem
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 03, 2016, 07:51:35 PM ---Wowsers, Tupp. You sound like you're experiencing amazing clarity and focus right now.
I love the idea of you moving to a better more vibrant area.... esp since it gets you away from the negative people you deserve to gain distance from, IMO.
Figuring out how you need to proceed for yourself, and your son, is wise and necessary. You're such a great mama..... I have chills reading your post.
((((Tupp and son)))
Spring is a lovely time of year to look for a new home.
Light
--- End quote ---
Thank you for your kind words, Lighter, as always :) Plans are changing quickly at the moment and I feel in a bit of a rut/low patch emotionally. Residential colleges for my son will be best for him and for me in the long run but the reality of (a) accepting that his disability is life long and serious and (b) actually sorting things out hit me pretty hard this week and, as always, there's no-one in the real world to talk to about any of it and I have found it tough going. That said, I have found a number of colleges that sound good and that I think might be able to help him so I am thinking that we might go on a bit of a tour in our campervan and go and visit a few towards the end of the summer. He should have had more medical assessments by then so I should have a better idea of what he might need.
I have been feeling a bit like I've let myself down. I have wanted to badly to surround myself with good people and I've worked really hard on myself to do that but it hasn't happened. Hopefully if he goes to college and I go back to work that will change. But I feel a bit like I'm giving up on a dream and I've struggled with that a bit. Have felt very tired and emotional this week. I would love to just feel free and easy sometimes.
Lighter is your DD still at camp or has that finished now? xx
ann3:
Hi Tupp,
I hear you, but, like the saying goes "When you're going thru hell, just keep going".
Can you make an appointment to see a therapist/counselor to talk to? Just talking about the issues you're facing can really help. Maybe think about finding a therapist/counselor who you could see twice per month and who can be a support system? Since you're making a lot of changes in your life, a therapist/counselor support system can really help.
I hear you're feeling down, but look at where you've brought yourself to: You're standing up for yourself and taking so much ACTION to change your life for the better and that is AWESOME!! Give yourself the space to feel a lull in the midst of your rise. It's not a straight road: there are gullies, roundabouts and diversions, but you are on the right road. Stay on your road, stick to your plan and go forward.
Hope you feel better soon.
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: ann3 on June 11, 2016, 02:38:12 PM ---Hi Tupp,
I hear you, but, like the saying goes "When you're going thru hell, just keep going".
Can you make an appointment to see a therapist/counselor to talk to? Just talking about the issues you're facing can really help. Maybe think about finding a therapist/counselor who you could see twice per month and who can be a support system? Since you're making a lot of changes in your life, a therapist/counselor support system can really help.
I hear you're feeling down, but look at where you've brought yourself to: You're standing up for yourself and taking so much ACTION to change your life for the better and that is AWESOME!! Give yourself the space to feel a lull in the midst of your rise. It's not a straight road: there are gullies, roundabouts and diversions, but you are on the right road. Stay on your road, stick to your plan and go forward.
Hope you feel better soon.
--- End quote ---
Ah thank you, Ann, I appreciate the comments very much :) I do keep thinking about seeing a therapist again. I had a wonderful one quite a few years back now who has moved out of the area and I tried another couple but didn't feel very relaxed with them or as if I wanted to open up so it sort of put me off trying again. But perhaps it would be good to start looking around for someone again, I did always find the support from counselling very helpful so it might be an idea to try and find somebody again now.
I forgot as well to write about something funny that happened yesterday. I think a man was chatting me up! And I was so flumoxed when I realised that's what he was doing that I really panicked and didn't know what to do, it was hilarious! I felt like a right wally afterwards but keep giggling about it now, it was the first time that's happened in so long I had no idea what to do :)
Twoapenny:
Ann, I have found a counsellor who is local to me who sounds good on paper so I am thinking about giving her a ring and going along for a chat at some point, thank you for the shove in the right direction :)
I've been doing an inner child meditation I found on YouTube:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wg35Bc_10ks
I have found it interesting. I was looking for meditations to improve my self esteem and this one came up - nice and short which I like! As you go through it at a certain point the lady directs you to a tree, under which a child is playing happily and freely. The child is you and then there's some nice reconnecting stuff and so on.
What I found interesting is that when I saw the tree in my mind, I saw a child playing happily but she wasn't me, I was sitting completely alone and shut off from the world, utterly bereft and inconsolable. The adult me went over and picked her up, put her on my lap, cuddled her and talked to her and she wouldn't look up, she was completely rigid and couldn't be soothed or consoled in any way. I had a horrible day yesterday, felt dreadful and I realised this morning it's because that little girl is how I've felt all my life and the happyily playing child is the alter ego I've always presented to the world whilst keeping this poor little almost dead child locked away. It made me feel so sad and yet made sense at the same time.
I tried it again this morning and there was a change, I took her in my lap and she turned into me and started to sob and was just utterly bereft. It's so sad because I don't think my mum set out to do this to us, and I think in her own way she does love us, it's just that her view of the world and her perception of love is so utterly wonky that the best she's been able to manage is destroying everybody in her path when they don't do what she wants. It's such an utterly sad situation.
Anyway, I do feel that it's helping, I feel calmer and more content, I've not been badgering myself with endless criticisms the way I usually do, the day has been unfolding a bit more easily. I'm planning to do it again tomorrow and see if anything else has changed.
Hopalong:
Tupp.
This is so powerful.
I am deeply thrilled for you.
That you found her, held her, and accepted her as she was...and allowed her to weep.
I could feel the rigidity with you, and then the burst of relief.
I am so glad you have found this experience and are trusting it.
love
Hops
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