What gives you your sense of self worth

[Hopalong]

This is a candle for the heart, Tupp.
SO happy about your garden, and you being so present in it.

I'm getting more present, too, or more focused. Bit of both.
Actually meditated for about 10 minutes this morning. If one
can sneak sips of tea while meditating. Ha.

Thing is, it was fine. I don't have to do it "right."

Hope the settling in is joyful and as low-stress as possible.
Love the idea of more education for you and your boy!

High hopes,
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hi Tupps! Merry Christmas!**      

I'm just catching up with your move news, after mine. It sounds like we're both going through some of the same "exploration" in our new places. I'm a little envious of your ability to walk to shops and having pleasant people right around you. It sounds lovely... and comforting, to know so many are there welcoming you to become one of their community. It's just me and the cat -- and at night I can hear the coyotes. I can't even see my neighbors down the road.

I can relate to realizing that a lot of what you brought into the new place - just doesn't belong anymore. I work a little bit each day, to uncover another square foot of floor (usually to only put something else in that spot, from another place where I'm doing the same thing!). Learning the mechanical systems here - in the country there is a lot of "this'll do for now" kinds of fixes that need addressed to be "proper" - is where I've put a chunk of time and attention.

There is no good way for me clear out the empty boxes - no recycling, no pickup at the house (sure, I move a jeep load of broken down, bundled cardboard a mile down my road to the highway where the trash truck picks it up or drive it into town - somewhere)... and open burning is no longer allowed willy-nilly in this state. And I have to change my vehicle registrations and driver's license, which requires all kinds of documentation to prove who I am... even though I am in their database, already, under my marriage #2 name. LOL. For the most part, I'm not letting stuff like that wind me up into a snit. It's just not worth it.

There are definite "stages" one goes through when moving. First, "claiming" the space as your own. Then, just "feeling" the energy of the place. Learning the peculiarities, too - the things that unique to it. And then playing with and adjusting things to "suit yourself" and make the space work for you the way you need it to.

I'm sure I'll be "moving in" still - unpacking even - halfway through next year. Makes me think I really don't NEED a lot of the stuff that I haven't unpacked yet, you know? And I want to find ways to connect with more people around here instead of always being a hermit, but that's going to have to wait till after Christmas.


** I noticed on my trip to the "big town" this week, that people were generally very pleasant, happy, and being "Christmas-y" with each other. Lots of simple kindnesses and pleasantries, even though the stores were crowded with people stocking up for their cooking extravaganza. Instead of feeling like people where going to run me down in the shop aisles -- we were each trying to "give way" to each other and laughing about doing it in almost every aisle. This is NOT what I remember from living in this "big town" years before. Nice change.

[lighter]

Tupp:

I love what you said about feeling you're morphing into yourself. 

Yes. 

The person you were meant to be, and can be.

You're free to stop looking over your shoulder now.  The haunting of the old neighborhood can end with new shiny people..... without being in the old emotionally charged places that remind you of the past.  Distance is a good thing.... ::nodding::

This is your new start. 
New Tupp in the new year with new everything. 

As for me I'm having an easier time being present in the moment.  I'm not completely there yet, but it's coming along..... getting easier. 

I've been working with some amazing people, and it feels really good. 

The problem person I wrote about on my thread has stopped calling, thank goodness.  It feels like it's over with only a few really tense days of anxiety.... I really hate that.

My oldest is doing well in school, all As, very driven again, and youngest is still very funny and doing well in school as well. 

I'm laughing: )

((((Tupp and son)))

I hope you make some new holiday rituals that feel just right for you both.

They don't have to be around Christmas.  They can be new traditions around cold weather foods,
and activities.  Maybe a little outdoor fire pit with hot coco, roasted marshmallows, and new stew and cookie recipes?

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

This is a candle for the heart, Tupp.
SO happy about your garden, and you being so present in it.

I'm getting more present, too, or more focused. Bit of both.
Actually meditated for about 10 minutes this morning. If one
can sneak sips of tea while meditating. Ha.

Thing is, it was fine. I don't have to do it "right."

Hope the settling in is joyful and as low-stress as possible.
Love the idea of more education for you and your boy!

High hopes,
Hops

It's a beautiful garden, Hops, we're so lucky, I did a bit more this morning with the help of next door's very friendly cat who likes to chase leaves   I'm glad you're meditating in your own way; I've found in the past I've stressed myself out doing relaxation type things because I'm not doing them properly and then realised how daft it is to stress about something that you're doing to calm your mind!  Tea and mediation sound perfect, in my book.  I do keep thinking about you when I cook because of the thread you started a while back asking for recipe ideas but I've not found any yet that don't require a bit of faffing about.  I did buy a new slow cooker book recently, vegan recipes (part of my drive to eat more veggies) but so far the ones I've tried have involved adding things at different times - alright for me as I'm at home a lot during the day but no good if you're going out and won't be back until dinner time!  Anyway, I'll keep looking and if I find any that are tasty and simple to prep I will give you a shout x

[Twoapenny]

Hi Tupps! Merry Christmas!**      

I'm just catching up with your move news, after mine. It sounds like we're both going through some of the same "exploration" in our new places. I'm a little envious of your ability to walk to shops and having pleasant people right around you. It sounds lovely... and comforting, to know so many are there welcoming you to become one of their community. It's just me and the cat -- and at night I can hear the coyotes. I can't even see my neighbors down the road.

I can relate to realizing that a lot of what you brought into the new place - just doesn't belong anymore. I work a little bit each day, to uncover another square foot of floor (usually to only put something else in that spot, from another place where I'm doing the same thing!). Learning the mechanical systems here - in the country there is a lot of "this'll do for now" kinds of fixes that need addressed to be "proper" - is where I've put a chunk of time and attention.

There is no good way for me clear out the empty boxes - no recycling, no pickup at the house (sure, I move a jeep load of broken down, bundled cardboard a mile down my road to the highway where the trash truck picks it up or drive it into town - somewhere)... and open burning is no longer allowed willy-nilly in this state. And I have to change my vehicle registrations and driver's license, which requires all kinds of documentation to prove who I am... even though I am in their database, already, under my marriage #2 name. LOL. For the most part, I'm not letting stuff like that wind me up into a snit. It's just not worth it.

There are definite "stages" one goes through when moving. First, "claiming" the space as your own. Then, just "feeling" the energy of the place. Learning the peculiarities, too - the things that unique to it. And then playing with and adjusting things to "suit yourself" and make the space work for you the way you need it to.

I'm sure I'll be "moving in" still - unpacking even - halfway through next year. Makes me think I really don't NEED a lot of the stuff that I haven't unpacked yet, you know? And I want to find ways to connect with more people around here instead of always being a hermit, but that's going to have to wait till after Christmas.


** I noticed on my trip to the "big town" this week, that people were generally very pleasant, happy, and being "Christmas-y" with each other. Lots of simple kindnesses and pleasantries, even though the stores were crowded with people stocking up for their cooking extravaganza. Instead of feeling like people where going to run me down in the shop aisles -- we were each trying to "give way" to each other and laughing about doing it in almost every aisle. This is NOT what I remember from living in this "big town" years before. Nice change.

Merry Christmas, Skep!

It is lovely being able to walk to the shops - there aren't many but it's enough for your day to day basics and we're only ten minutes from town to get other things we need.  It makes a big difference.  No coyotes but the foxes make quite a lot of noise some nights

Yes I agree with everything you've said about the stages!  Initially I just bunged things into cupboards and got furniture into rooms so that it was unpacked and done. Now we've been here for a little while and got a feel for the place, as you say, I've started re-arranging things and re-organising the cupboards.  As I'm going round I'm making lists of things I'd like to buy or replace.  It's made me realise how much I've deprived myself over the years.  My wardrobe is full of old clothes that are full of holes.  All of my furniture is hand me down or from charity shops, none of it is 'pretty' I've always gone for functional and cheap over pretty and cosy.  And I think that needs to change now.  I really want to sit back and relax in my own little palace so I've been shopping in my mind for new furniture, carpets, curtains and so on (don't have the cash at the minute to really shop but I've been planning it all out).

It's nice that the people are friendly in your town.  It makes such a difference, just a quick smile and hello from someone really makes the day feel better.  Glad that you are settling in and  have the cat to keep you company! x

[sKePTiKal]

Start with one room at a time Tupps! Maybe you only need a few things in this room, a few bigger ones in that room. If the rooms open & flow into each other, use color to tie things together. Simple and comfy and functional for how I live, are the basic principles. I like my place to be somewhere people aren't afraid to sit on the furniture, where it's all self-explanatory and doesn't need an "artist's statement" to understand it's meaning & purpose. Where they want to hang out a little while.

My friend the "doc" was trying to get me to prioritize all the gigantic, future projects I have in mind that I'd like to try -- before I was even able to pull out a tablecloth and stop using the dining table as my "command center". LOL. "Guys"; and he's a spartan anyway... I really NEEDED to see the results of me and my "stuff" coming together in an overall "cozy" effect in a new space before I can even START thinking about all the other stuff. I need some weeks of just futzing around and trying things a couple different ways to just REST from the effort of packing, purging, deciding what goes/what doesn't and hauling it all up here.

Weeks of seeing how I need to organize myself, because of my location, to keep myself provisioned and connected to some people. And just putting my feet up, looking around and surveying all of my  "realm" and getting to know it, too. Before I go jumping back into living life with both feet and this weird endless curiosity and enthusiasm for _________. I have to decide which things I'm interested in, that I want to do well - so I don't overwhelm myself with trying to do many different kinds of things. And of course, there's the list of things I need to fix up or make function to my standards.

[Twoapenny]

Start with one room at a time Tupps! Maybe you only need a few things in this room, a few bigger ones in that room. If the rooms open & flow into each other, use color to tie things together. Simple and comfy and functional for how I live, are the basic principles. I like my place to be somewhere people aren't afraid to sit on the furniture, where it's all self-explanatory and doesn't need an "artist's statement" to understand it's meaning & purpose. Where they want to hang out a little while.

My friend the "doc" was trying to get me to prioritize all the gigantic, future projects I have in mind that I'd like to try -- before I was even able to pull out a tablecloth and stop using the dining table as my "command center". LOL. "Guys"; and he's a spartan anyway... I really NEEDED to see the results of me and my "stuff" coming together in an overall "cozy" effect in a new space before I can even START thinking about all the other stuff. I need some weeks of just futzing around and trying things a couple different ways to just REST from the effort of packing, purging, deciding what goes/what doesn't and hauling it all up here.

Weeks of seeing how I need to organize myself, because of my location, to keep myself provisioned and connected to some people. And just putting my feet up, looking around and surveying all of my  "realm" and getting to know it, too. Before I go jumping back into living life with both feet and this weird endless curiosity and enthusiasm for _________. I have to decide which things I'm interested in, that I want to do well - so I don't overwhelm myself with trying to do many different kinds of things. And of course, there's the list of things I need to fix up or make function to my standards.

Yes it's easy to take on too much and overwhelm yourself, especially in a new place.  It takes a year to settle in, I think, so you can see the light in all seasons, find out that wall gets a little damp in winter so you can't keep your books against it, realise that if that door opened the other way you could fit x against that wall.  I am kind of the opposite when it comes to wanting people to be comfortable, I've realised I don't want people coming round!  Lol, there are a few people I'm always happy to see but they're the sort of people that will be comfortable whether you live in a tent or a castle.  But we've had people wanting to visit over Christmas and I had that funny thing of not having a logical reason not to want to see them but just feeling 'no'.  And I've realised they're people who are either quite critical (and will do the whole 'oh you've no carpet, oh the kitchen's a bit small, oh I wouldn't like to have to look after that garden) or they're the ones that don't respect your place and walk mud through it, let their kids run riot, want to bring their dogs in and so on.  And old Tup accommodates everyone else's wants and needs and makes life easy for them but new Tup wants to make life easy for herself!  Which means not cleaning up someone else's mess or running around after their children or pets.

I think because this is the first time I've really had a home of my own I want it to be our castle, set up for me and my boy, cosy, comfy, organised and functional and I don't want to let any of my old behaviours or thought patterns come in here with us.  New Tup is much healthier than old Tup and I want her to be in charge.

I'm excited about the idea of doing it up, keeping my eyes open for pieces, shopping around for the bits we need.  It's making me focus on money a bit more, I'm thrifty anyway but now I'm thinking every penny saved is a step closer to the next thing I want to buy.  It will be nice to have something that actually shows the amount of work I put in.  I usually work on myself or my boy and that doesn't really show so it will make a nice change to have something at the end of it that's very obvious

[Twoapenny]

Tupp:

I love what you said about feeling you're morphing into yourself. 

Yes. 

The person you were meant to be, and can be.

You're free to stop looking over your shoulder now.  The haunting of the old neighborhood can end with new shiny people..... without being in the old emotionally charged places that remind you of the past.  Distance is a good thing.... ::nodding::

This is your new start. 
New Tupp in the new year with new everything. 

As for me I'm having an easier time being present in the moment.  I'm not completely there yet, but it's coming along..... getting easier. 

I've been working with some amazing people, and it feels really good. 

The problem person I wrote about on my thread has stopped calling, thank goodness.  It feels like it's over with only a few really tense days of anxiety.... I really hate that.

My oldest is doing well in school, all As, very driven again, and youngest is still very funny and doing well in school as well. 

I'm laughing: )

((((Tupp and son)))

I hope you make some new holiday rituals that feel just right for you both.

They don't have to be around Christmas.  They can be new traditions around cold weather foods,
and activities.  Maybe a little outdoor fire pit with hot coco, roasted marshmallows, and new stew and cookie recipes?

Lighter

Ah I'm glad things are going well and the girls are doing so well.  Everything's easier when the kids are happy

Yes, I'm enjoying the morph!  I am finding it a bit two steps forward, three steps back at the minute but that's okay, there's no rush!  I feel quite nervous and insecure at times but I think that is young Tup poking her head out a little now that she sees she's living away from that scary place where everyone was so mean to her and she had to cover everything up.  Being kind with myself, patient, trying really hard to eat healthily and rest when I'm lacking energy instead of drinking coffee and eating biscuits.  Walking every day, gardening, catching up on DVDs I haven't had a chance to watch.  It's nice - a new way to be but a nice one

[Hopalong]

Hi Tupp,
One of my biggest joys when I moved into my little house was the freedom to choose color.
Even though 90% of my furnishings are family pieces, the walls are All Mine.
So I chose paint colors with deep pleasure.

When you walk in, straight ahead there's a wall ("Dill Green") that's quite a dark color that sets off my most beautiful possession...grandmother's "parlor grand" piano made of Circassian Walnut (from the Circassian mountains in Russia). It's unusually gorgeous, a kind of golden wood with beautiful dark grain. Sounds nice too!

The kitchen is a weird color that looks similar to the natural-cork flooring. I think of it as "Crayon Flesh Tone" -- a sort of peachy but sandy but well, corkish-orangeish color. Sounds weird but it works, even in great contrast to the green you see first when the door opens. It's what terra cotta would be if you lightened it by half, I think.

The other LR walls plus the outer kitchen wall and the whole back addition are a really gorgeous warm light gray. All trim is white with a touch of warmth. It's all open-plan (LR thru kitchen to back big room) and very strangely, these different colors play well together. People often comment on how warm and inviting the house feels, and the colors.

My BR is a soft light blue so gentle it's nearly a neutral. My heart went AHHH when I found it. I have old curtains I'd once made for my D's room that are perfect--lots of color, a sort of Aztec-y pattern.

My larger BR--office and guest bed--is a very quiet, light and peaceful green.

I notice that I have a mish-mosh of woods in furniture and like it that way. One thing my exH² gave me that I'm very grateful for was that one day in a previous house I was fussing about matching something and he nearly exploded (not in anger, just intensity...he was an artist): "FORGET matchy-matchy! Look at nature! ANY color goes with ANY color!" And he just exploded my timidity about claiming the joy of color that I love, for my own instinctive reasons.

So I have a colorful, cozy, warm-feeling home...for just the cost of a few cans of paint.

Big hugs and I know you can make your space reflect joy. Color is a wonderful way to do that. Explore, try and delight in YOUR taste, even if it's undiscovered! (Just in case you're renting and there are restrictions on painting, don't worry...hanging up fabric, quilts or paper can do the same thing!) Be bold and have fun.

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Aw Hops, your place sounds lovely!  It's so nice to get something that's yours and make it your own in your own way, isn't it?

Do you know the funny thing about colour - I'm colour blind!  So I see some colours differently to other people and I really like that - makes it feel even more like my thing because only I can see it

I like to have the walls the same colour throughout and then put in changes with the fabrics.  I've picked out a beautiful yellow for the whole flat - quite a deep, warm yellow that I think will make the most of all the lovely natural light we get.  The flooring in the kitchen and bathroom are a dark bluey grey kind of colour and I've seen carpet that's similar to that so I'm going to go for that on the floors.  I can see it all in my head and it's exciting

I love the sound of the curtains you made for your D!  My son had T shirts and pyjama sets that he loved when he was younger, because they had his favourite cartoon characters on them.  Once he outgrew them we cut the pictures out of the front and just used fabric glue to stick them onto his plain curtains.  They looked great and they're such a nice reminder of when he was little   I did something similar and covered an old foot stool with patchwork I made out of his old clothes.  It's getting quite tatty now but I still love it.

I keep seeing little bits and pieces and thinking, oh, that would look lovely in such and such a place   It's a nice feeling.

[sKePTiKal]

This feeling of simple joy (and maybe a little "mirroring" of self??) in the "nesting process" is something I think people who try to duplicate the look in magazines or the home shows miss out on. It's less an "expression" of self - although there are aspects of it - than it is a deliberate choice about what one wants around you... and what nurtures you.

I've always enjoyed this process because there's NO WAY you can make your own nest "wrong"!! Whatever you choose for yourself is "just right" for YOU. And things can move around and change color whenever you feel like it. Right now I have one lamp that's moving around until I can find just the right spot for the light -- and a level section of the slate floor. LOL.

[Hopalong]

That sounds beautiful, Tupp. I tried a yellow but mine was too strong.
I love hearing that you have a lot of natural light! That's just awesome.
A friend of mine has an interior townhouse and I've always noticed how dark
her place feels. She even has SAD (chicken? egg?) but has started using the light.

You'll do exactly the right thing your heart/brain need with color, and
the only problem, of course, is that you can't spell it.  (Whoops, it's
yanks who can't spell it, since we stole it from you we broke it.)

Amber, I couldn't agree more about the sterility of home-decor-looking
places. Although some are lovely and beautifully composed, so many
people crank it up to where it feels "over-composed", imo. It drains
imagination to get too many ideas from Out There, when the most
interesting/affirming ones come from what you actually feel personally
good about. 

Nothing wrong with enjoying/learning from/being inspired by experts,
and I like watching her too, but danged if Martha Stewart didn't terrify
a whole new generation of females into feeling not good enough. Grrr.

Thanks for sharing your nesting rambles because they're lovely to read.

Hugs
Hops

[lighter]

I missed the posts on decorating....not sure how, but I did.  I think I woke up frying 3 lbs of bacon every morning over holiday, then split wood, or helped cut and move large trees so we could split... just very busy.

Hops, the light blue color.... love love love.   It makes my heart happy.

When we were in the apartment I painted my bathroom a shade of blue from Restoration Hardware.... so soothing and calm.  Sometimes I'd just BE in that color, and it helped me feel better.

I need more blue in my life.  Maybe I'll paint my master BR blue...... I think it'll be great with the art. 

In my little house, in my old life, I painted the LR light yellow.... so pale and restful.  The nursery was a little deeper yellow, but very calm.  The DR had a stencil of a ram I designed and cut out, painted gold near the ceiling. It was beautiful.  I did enjoy that for a while, but wouldn't do it again.

Lots of neutrals, and lovely large stone tiles in the kitchen, and slate floor in the found third bathroom we put in when we took out an old chimney in the hallway during renovation.  It had a vaulted ceiling, and a skylight.... it was so scary to take a bath during a storm and watch the big oak trees sway overhead.  Eeek.

We salvaged most of the hardwoods, which was a miracle, bc not much else got salvaged besides the stick built frame of the house.  I got a super deal on a big antique butcher's block and put it in the center of the kitchen.... just right.

I planted my first real garden in that house.... it was a jungle of huge tomato plants that kept giving and giving.  It seemed so easy then.
Light

[Twoapenny]

That sounds beautiful, Tupp. I tried a yellow but mine was too strong.
I love hearing that you have a lot of natural light! That's just awesome.
A friend of mine has an interior townhouse and I've always noticed how dark
her place feels. She even has SAD (chicken? egg?) but has started using the light.

You'll do exactly the right thing your heart/brain need with color, and
the only problem, of course, is that you can't spell it.  (Whoops, it's
yanks who can't spell it, since we stole it from you we broke it.)

Amber, I couldn't agree more about the sterility of home-decor-looking
places. Although some are lovely and beautifully composed, so many
people crank it up to where it feels "over-composed", imo. It drains
imagination to get too many ideas from Out There, when the most
interesting/affirming ones come from what you actually feel personally
good about. 

Nothing wrong with enjoying/learning from/being inspired by experts,
and I like watching her too, but danged if Martha Stewart didn't terrify
a whole new generation of females into feeling not good enough. Grrr.

Thanks for sharing your nesting rambles because they're lovely to read.

Hugs
Hops

Ha ha, Hops, COLOUR!  Lol

Yellow can be very strong and I'm not sure if the way I see colours means I don't see it as strongly as some other people would?  So it might be that everyone else thinks "Yikes, look at that!" whilst I think it's really relaxing.

I am really enjoying putting together little areas of things that I love.  We've a tiny vestibule as you come through the front door and I've put up coat hooks that a friend gave me (shaped like little beach huts) and some prayer flags from the same friend.  As you go up the stairs (it's a first floor flat so you come into the front door and head straight up) I've put bright. educational posters for my son and I've hung scarves and hanging ornaments (like strings of seahorses and Indian Bells, which I love) from the posts that attach the bannisters to the wall.  There's a high window with a wide ledge and I've put a collage of pictures of friends, one of me underwater in India many years ago and my one and only pic of me with my dad on the ledge with a little candle.  At the top of the stairs is a lovely little unit I bought with some money a friend gave me for Christmas that hides away outdoor clutter and has open shelves for folded scarves (which I seem to have a lot of!).  On top of that are two plants that are gifts from friends and it's just nice to walk in and see love and friendship in front of me.  That's about as far as I've got so far, everything else is planned in my mind and I'm just doing things bit by bit

[Twoapenny]

I missed the posts on decorating....not sure how, but I did.  I think I woke up frying 3 lbs of bacon every morning over holiday, then split wood, or helped cut and move large trees so we could split... just very busy.

Hops, the light blue color.... love love love.   It makes my heart happy.

When we were in the apartment I painted my bathroom a shade of blue from Restoration Hardware.... so soothing and calm.  Sometimes I'd just BE in that color, and it helped me feel better.

I need more blue in my life.  Maybe I'll paint my master BR blue...... I think it'll be great with the art. 

In my little house, in my old life, I painted the LR light yellow.... so pale and restful.  The nursery was a little deeper yellow, but very calm.  The DR had a stencil of a ram I designed and cut out, painted gold near the ceiling. It was beautiful.  I did enjoy that for a while, but wouldn't do it again.

Lots of neutrals, and lovely large stone tiles in the kitchen, and slate floor in the found third bathroom we put in when we took out an old chimney in the hallway during renovation.  It had a vaulted ceiling, and a skylight.... it was so scary to take a bath during a storm and watch the big oak trees sway overhead.  Eeek.

We salvaged most of the hardwoods, which was a miracle, bc not much else got salvaged besides the stick built frame of the house.  I got a super deal on a big antique butcher's block and put it in the center of the kitchen.... just right.

I planted my first real garden in that house.... it was a jungle of huge tomato plants that kept giving and giving.  It seemed so easy then.
Light

I love those memories of earlier places, Lighter, it sounds like such a nice place to live   I love those butcher's blocks, quite hard to come by in the UK now (antique ones, at any rate), it's funny to wonder which day to day sets in shops and businesses these days will make their way into people's homes a hundred years from now?