new job story

[Hopalong]

Well, it's kinda funny.
Six months after I got myself fired by Nboss, I finally reached out to someone local whom I knew he had worked for when he first came to this area. Same industry, just a small-scale retail version. The story I'd heard somewhere was that Nboss had basically taken advantage of this man, swiped customers and gone off to begin his own enterprise (which I'd joined about a year later).

So I wrote...after an awkward call to his store during which the nice employee who gave me the right email to write to, also clued me in that "he" was now "she." Fascinating! The new boss, a pleasant and interesting woman, was male back when Nboss worked for him. Anyway, she is now a transgender woman (still in the process) in my general age group...and she hired me PT for an expansion idea she has. Just 3 days/week for now. She knows my goal is FT by Thanksgiving (so I don't have to dip into retirement funds).

In a nutshell, I find her personally very likeable, even endearing, and professionally ditsy as hell. I'm mostly enjoying it, save for those times when her time management issues make me look like a professional organizer. But I'm grateful, and hoping that our collaboration will build a nice new revenue stream for her that will trickle down enough to me to make me feel safe.

The "office" is absurd...gorgeously decorated little space behind a warehouse space...no air, but it's pretty! But I'm finding it's okay. For one thing, the business is right downtown which I LIKE. I take walks on the sidewalk with Other Humans (imagine!) and am getting exercise going up and down the stairs too. Goofy, but I'm overall pretty happy. I have told her that sometimes I'm just going to take my laptop and head for a coffee house to get a change of scene and fresh air. I didn't ask, but told. I think the trust is growing so when I do that for the first time next week, she'll find she can handle it. I couldn't take it being in that basement space all winter so I want to set a healthier precedent now.

I've been there three weeks and really do feel appreciated. She seems dazed by how much I know about this niche. And we have fun brainstorming together. She says it's the first time she's ever been able to "talk shop" with anyone to this extent, because she's been a solo business owner for such a long time.

I've avoided talking about Nboss with her for the most part. I think she's absorbed my hints that my former situation wasn't good and so far, she is treating me with much more respect than he ever did. I am grateful for that.

I'm pretty much taking things one day at a time, and it's improved my life and outlook already. More later as things move ahead.

Hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hopsie this sounds like a good situation!  Really good that you are putting 'getting out of the office' stuff in place from the start and maybe the ditzy aspects will settle once you've been there for a while.  It sounds like she may not have had an example to follow and has probably been too busy to get on top of things?  That could all change now you're there, it sounds great.  Funny that you've both experienced NBoss, he certainly gets around!  Anyway, keep us posted.  I'm glad that things are sounding good   Are you still doing the wine tasting thing as well? x

[lighter]

Hi Hops:

It warms my heart to read your take on those pieces that don't serve you..... the darkness of basement space in the winter, and how you'll proactively handle it, for instance.

The only thing that popped up for me was the respect part...... driving the mission forward, without being cast in role as professional organizer, seems obvious, and a little tricky to me. 

If new boss gets dependant on you for organization it might be hard to keep the mission on track without new boss feeling.... resentment?  Losing perspective?

Not sure, just sharing what came up.  Honestly, your post has so much promise, and hope, and possibility for growth..... I'm very happy for you.

I can just imagine the creativity radiating off you.   How wonderful to take a project you feel competent and confident to run with....
and run.

Breath the busy, sunny, productive fall air, my friend. 

What wonderful news: )

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Hi Tupp,
Thanks for the good wishes...no, the wine-serving adventure was over after 3 weekends. I had only 2 days/wknd and they cancelled half of them as I was heading out the door to work. They hadn't explained it was a new retail model where if the business anticipates a slow day (again, last minute) they'll just cancel a worker's scheduled shift to trim costs. I arranged my calendar to put work first and it didn't sit well that they would increase low-paid workers' instability that way. Very exploitative. Secondly, my 22-y/o glamorous manager treated me like an irrelevant bad smell, refused to train me thoroughly and literally turned her back and gossiped away with a yet-younger worker when there were no customers. She clearly didn't like having an older person around.One day when I realized I felt like crying (Mean Girl memories) I decided it wasn't worth it. I've never regretted the decision for a moment.

Hi Lighter,
Yes, it'll be tricky at times because of her issues. But that's not something I can really control or fix, I don't think. So I'm just staying focused on what's positive and what does work, and hoping for the best. I'm well engaged and she appears to be sincere about moving my position to FT as soon as her financing for the expansion is lined up. If that does not happen, then I'll look elsewhere...but for now, I'm accepting her at face value. In the present, it's good.

Thanks, guys -- I'll keep posting job stories on this thread as they come up!

hugs
Hops

[JustKathy]

Wow, Hops, congratulations! This job sounds wonderful. Even though you don't yet have the full-time schedule you need, it does sound like you're really hitting it off with your new boss, and will get to that place very soon. So happy for you.

[Hopalong]

Thank you, Kathy! So kind of you to feel happy for me.

I do enjoy her. I think because I really am drawn to deep and radical human experience, non-conventional...and boy she sure is going through that. She senses that I'm a non-judgemental ally as far as her situation goes, so likes to drop little comments about what she's experiencing. Like hormones! I joke with her a bit about it too so she seems to appreciate being at ease around me.

One moment she's just a 60-year-old entrepreneur talking seriously about a business issue and the next she's a vulnerable 14-y/o for a flash. She's managing it all as best she can but what a change she's zooming through. I think it takes enormous courage.

We're a funny couple of old business bats, that's for sure. I like her grown daughter who works there too.


Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hi Tupp,
Thanks for the good wishes...no, the wine-serving adventure was over after 3 weekends. I had only 2 days/wknd and they cancelled half of them as I was heading out the door to work. They hadn't explained it was a new retail model where if the business anticipates a slow day (again, last minute) they'll just cancel a worker's scheduled shift to trim costs. I arranged my calendar to put work first and it didn't sit well that they would increase low-paid workers' instability that way. Very exploitative. Secondly, my 22-y/o glamorous manager treated me like an irrelevant bad smell, refused to train me thoroughly and literally turned her back and gossiped away with a yet-younger worker when there were no customers. She clearly didn't like having an older person around.One day when I realized I felt like crying (Mean Girl memories) I decided it wasn't worth it. I've never regretted the decision for a moment.

Hi Lighter,
Yes, it'll be tricky at times because of her issues. But that's not something I can really control or fix, I don't think. So I'm just staying focused on what's positive and what does work, and hoping for the best. I'm well engaged and she appears to be sincere about moving my position to FT as soon as her financing for the expansion is lined up. If that does not happen, then I'll look elsewhere...but for now, I'm accepting her at face value. In the present, it's good.

Thanks, guys -- I'll keep posting job stories on this thread as they come up!

hugs
Hops

Ah those zero hours contracts are causing misery over here as well, you're right, it's highly exploitative.  I don't blame you for getting out of that situation, more toxicity is not what anyone needs in their life!  This new one sounds great, keep us posted

[Hopalong]

I knew it!
Was having a chuckle with boss' very nice daughter and we were commiserating over how challenging it is to brainstorm with boss, as she's all over the map. I said carefully, hmmm, reminds me a little of ADD, and her D goes--Oh yes, she's really got it, has to take her Rx because without it she can't focus at all...

Oh boy. Takes one to know one...

 

Hops

[Hopalong]

Hi y'all--
Several have asked how the job's going, sorry it's taken a while.
It's all of these things: fun, frustrating, bizarre, engaging, and just...strange.
But I'm liking it overall.

I'm mostly stay embedded in the present because it's honestly hard to visualize how my boss, with the panoply of issues she's dealing with (some serious executive function challenges, an old brain injury, transitioning, and I'm not sure what else) -- can really, actually, see this through to success. She is blithely assuming that I and her daughter can take it all over and make it work. She's NOT engaged enough, but is still trying, and in her own odd way, tenacious.

We had a talk the other day about how she needs me to slow down and give her time to process stuff. She's right. I'm keeping a grip on my impatience, but sometimes barely. She doesn't come in until 3:30 or 4:00 (by which time I'm tiring) and I literally have to read emails to her (that I already sent her and she never read) to be sure she's following the ins and outs of my detailed convos with suppliers. That drives me nuts. It's just not CEO behavior so I'm sometimes gob-smacked at what feels delusional. (Then again, she's kept her business alive since the 80s.)

I NEED her input and it's a little hair-pulling to get her focused. We're actually undertaking a huge task with multiple parts, and I feel overwhelmed with trying to keep track of it all with so little consistency from her. She starts, stops, changes her mind, and is just....ditsy. But I'm still being paid, so there's that.

So ironic.

That said, though, I still genuinely like her, and compared to the nightmare of my previous job, this is way way WAY better. I don't mind going, and I do feel valued. Just as though I'm in the twilight zone sometimes. I believe she's going to keep her word about making it FT after Thanksgiving, and if that does happen, I'll be relieved.

If I keep my expectations low and just do what I can, that'll be okay. It's just a fairly crazy situation.

Hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Wowsers, Hops.

I can't believe boss works so little and hasn't made you full time.

How can she work so little and not have you there FT?

::crossing fingers::

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

I'm glad it's happening, Hops, even though it does sound difficult to manage!  But you are going about things in your calm and stoical way, as usual.  I hope some of your organisational skills rub off on her a bit; I have worked for incredibly scatty people and they are a nightmare!  I'm glad that at least there is money coming in and will keep my fingers crossed that going full time will go well x

[Hopalong]

Boss confirmed I'm FT after Tgiving! Start that schedule Monday. Whewwwwwwwwww. I'm massively relieved for practical rea$ons, and a bit chagrined at the prospect of 40-hour weeks again.

But overall, very grateful. I was so scared. No idea how long this can really continue but I do think I'll be okay financially now. No slack, really, but enough to get my wee house paid for in a year or so, and maybe at 70 (3 years on) I can either retire or just cut back to PT if the business survives.

This is truly a relief, and I'm truly grateful it happened.

Spending a lonesome pre-Tgiving evening but that is softened every time I think about what makes me grateful. Despite everything, there is a LOT I'm thankful for. (THIS is my favorite holiday. For some reason, just focusing on gratitude and loving the fact that there's not a load of ritual/expectation to worry about. And I have an invite to friends' tomorrow for an Italian feast, and made caponata without screwing it up to take along...and I just feel lucky.)

Happy Thanksgiving, Yanks! (And to our Tupp or any non-U.S. lurkers, warm wishes to you, too.)

love to all,
Hops

[Hopalong]

PS, Lighter--The reason she works so little isn't because she doesn't care. It really is the sum total of all those neuro-bio-issues she's dealing with. She's trying harder and more consistently now, so it feels better.

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Boss confirmed I'm FT after Tgiving! Start that schedule Monday. Whewwwwwwwwww. I'm massively relieved for practical rea$ons, and a bit chagrined at the prospect of 40-hour weeks again.

But overall, very grateful. I was so scared. No idea how long this can really continue but I do think I'll be okay financially now. No slack, really, but enough to get my wee house paid for in a year or so, and maybe at 70 (3 years on) I can either retire or just cut back to PT if the business survives.

This is truly a relief, and I'm truly grateful it happened.

Spending a lonesome pre-Tgiving evening but that is softened every time I think about what makes me grateful. Despite everything, there is a LOT I'm thankful for. (THIS is my favorite holiday. For some reason, just focusing on gratitude and loving the fact that there's not a load of ritual/expectation to worry about. And I have an invite to friends' tomorrow for an Italian feast, and made caponata without screwing it up to take along...and I just feel lucky.)

Happy Thanksgiving, Yanks! (And to our Tupp or any non-U.S. lurkers, warm wishes to you, too.)

love to all,
Hops

Yay!!  Oh Hops, I'm so happy for you!  What a big relief to know that finances are in line again.  Huge weight off your shoulders yay!

Enjoy your Thanksgiving (and thank you for the warm wishes, too - in the UK people mostly spend this time moaning that they're already fed up with Christmas ).  I have no idea what caponata is but I'm trusting it's something delicious and I'm glad it turned out well Lots of love

[sKePTiKal]

Hops, I'm so glad to hear your happy news! I'm sure that's a relief to know you'll be able to own your home outright. That's a form of self-achieved security, right there and a huge victory after what it took to get there.

I woke up thinking, that for "us"... Thanksgiving is the holiday that's perfectly tailored to our experiences. It's all about the gratitude - small & large. I was invited up to B'more for Matt's family's shindig and I like those people, and it sounds like fun - but now that I'm close to my old stomping grounds, my friend can come hang out for an afternoon and she brought me some cold germs. I could still make there by dark, depending on how I feel when I'm completely awake. But Sunday, is ANOTHER, less "festive" occasion so....... decisions.

About your boss... just MAYBE, you are the perfect person to "make" an opportunity for the boss to put herself together, and really make a go of the business. Your famous compassion might have just lowered the emotional risks and scariness enough for her to relax. Ditziness is often a reaction to the perception that more is being expected/demanded in the situation than a person can summon up "on command". Or maybe it's just the "degree" of it - that gets lowered enough to be manageable.

That may or may not actually be the case, but I could see a bit how that might work out well for both of you, as long as you also maintain the appropriate boundaries.

Happy Gratitude Day, everyone!