Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Christmas
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: JustKathy on December 25, 2016, 12:44:38 PM ---
--- Quote ---I can't put into words how much it helps me to know I have this safe, non-judgemental, easy space in which to spill things that I don't (and probably never would) tell anyone else.
--- End quote ---
Exactly! Wow, just looking at my profile and I've been here since 2004. Every year, I've come here on Christmas Day. This place, and the support from everyone here, has saved me in ways I can never express in words.
Yes, for children of Ns, this is hell day. The day we hate more than any other, stress about for weeks, even months, in advance. No matter what, the day always brings some form of pain. First it was torment from my NM, then, after she died, from Co-Father. This year he apparently gave up on his stalking as I didn't receive as much as a card, and even that left me feeling uneasy. I should be relieved, but now sit here wondering why it stopped. Am I not worthy of stalking anymore? How crazy to even think that?
Like you, I have nothing but gratitude for the existence of this board. Many thanks to Dr. G for creating what has become our safe place.
Tup, I'm so sorry to hear about your son's seizure, but so happy to hear that he's feeling happy and well now. I wish you were too. For what it's worth, I'm here, and I'm thinking of you. Like you, I'm just tolerating the day, but it's only one day. We'll get through it together.
Love,
Kathy
--- End quote ---
Hi Kathy,
Sorry for the delayed reply, my head has been a bit all over the place the last few days and I couldn't seem to settle to do anything. I do know what you mean about wondering why you're not being stalked any more! It's funny how things become normal and you're so used to them happening that you constantly wait for the next incident. When it doesn't come it's almost as unnerving as when it does! In my case I know my mum has switched her venom to my younger sister. Tough for her but easier for me, and will only cease if my sis cuts our mum out the same way that I did. She's not ready to do that yet. It is an awful thing to say/think but my mum is getting on in years and I think her passing will be the only release for all of us, really. It's terribly sad and I do wish she could have seen that she at least played some part in it all, even if she couldn't see she's created most of the problems! But she can't and that is that.
I think what I find difficult about the holiday is that it just goes on for so long in the UK (and I guess in the States as well?). You have Thanksgiving just a few weeks before as well, don't you? From mid November onward it's all anyone can talk about here. All the shops are packed, it's difficult to park anywhere, I struggle with the excess as I stop and chat with some bloke who's sleeping rough in freezing temperatures and has all his wordly goods in a carrier bag whilst people walk past loaded down with shopping and don't even look at him. I find that hard. And then the holiday period itself is always difficult for my son and this seizure he had was very scary so we've hardly been out since as he's been too tired (and so have I, to be honest!). So it always turns into a sort of house arrest situation where we just stay at home and, try as I might, I do find it difficult to be upbeat and cheerful, even though I know I am luckier than so many others. And yes, at the back of all that, the entire family are all enjoying themselves and having a wonderful time with their own respective families now and myself and my boy just sit there like the ones that no-one wanted, lol, it's not the nicest of times!
I would volunteer to help with the community lunch or something but because my son's health is so unpredictable we sometimes have to cancel at short notice and you can't do that on a day as important as Christmas. Perhaps next year we can help clear up and then at least if we can't get there it means everyone got their lunch anyway. Silly time of year. So difficult for so many and yet so impossible to avoid!
Anyway I hope you got through it okay and are settling down a bit again now.
Love Tup x
sKePTiKal:
As far as giving out advice, that we ourselves need to hear... I think you & I are two peas in a pod, Hops. LOL. I do a lot of editing, still.
It's sitting on my head right now; like some big fat stinky fluffy turkey - to say that just there isn't any one right/wrong way of dealing with our FOO as we still struggle to grow into ourselves, have our own lives - yet stay connected to the FOO in a way that doesn't continue the dysfunction, and still be free to be who we are. They are who they are and who am I to expect or insist that they change?
And even when they do make some progress - my brother seems to have made some - they still come back and exhibit some of the same old patterns, over & over & over again. I probably do too - it's necessary to have some way to cope with that, you know?
Humans are just amazingly complex creatures and relationships between them are never, ever "perfect" - not even the best, most functional of them. That said, we each of us have to find ways to meet our real, deep needs to take care of ourselves -- sometimes outside of the normal places. And life's too short to try to make something, into something it's NOT.
So says the big stinky turkey on my head.
Hopalong:
we each of us have to find ways to meet our real, deep needs to take care of ourselves -- sometimes outside of the normal places. And life's too short to try to make something, into something it's NOT.
Wow.
I entirely fail to understand why this turkey is stinky.
I find it magnificently wise.
Or I even suspect you have confused it for an owl.
SO wise, Amber. Thank you.
(Thanks Tupp for tolerating the hijacks!)
Hugs,
Hops
Hopalong:
Hey, Tupp.
Can you ask your boy's doctors about this, if it's available in the U.K.?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/a-powerful-new-form-of-medical-marijuana-without-the-high/2016/12/29/81bbf7c0-b5b2-11e6-b8df-600bd9d38a02_story.html?tid=pm_pop&utm_term=.eaa596d75ac8
You never know but it's an encouraging story.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on December 31, 2016, 05:05:38 PM ---Hey, Tupp.
Can you ask your boy's doctors about this, if it's available in the U.K.?
https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/a-powerful-new-form-of-medical-marijuana-without-the-high/2016/12/29/81bbf7c0-b5b2-11e6-b8df-600bd9d38a02_story.html?tid=pm_pop&utm_term=.eaa596d75ac8
You never know but it's an encouraging story.
Hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thanks Hops, have read up on a bit this morning, all cannabis related products are illegal in the UK apart from one approved drug for MS which is derived from cannabis apparently (and that's not available on the NHS so average cost is about £500 a month). Maxiumum sentence for possession is 5 years in prison, possession with intent to supply is 14 years. They seem fairly against it at the mo, lol, however, there is a good website that I will continue having a read through as it seems there is growing evidence that this can help with all sorts of things, it's just taking a long time to get the medical profession behind it :)
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