Yes, that was me above, my post timed out. bunny, I always enjoy getting your take on things. You always surprise me and make me think!
It was totally good for you to speak up. Otherwise he would control the glacier-like pace of these sessions. You are trying to speed this slowpoke up to a pace that feels like some therapy is occurring.
I agree, and think I have a handle on why things have been going slow. My T said that he is trying to teach me skills and behaviors to better deal with the situations seem to trouble me, rather than explore abstract concepts. I realized that is not what I need. I need the higher level understanding first. Once I understand the issue from a conceptual level, it is usually blatantly obvious what I can do about it. Plus I am highly motivated to do it since I understand the costs and expected rewards. If I don't see what to do right away, it is blatantly obvious what book I need to read to find out what to do.
For me, getting the big picture is hard, doing what I need to is realtively easy. Do you make the behavioral changes first and then understand the big picture later? I get the feeling that most people do things that way. Anyone else have comments on this?
I believe this is part of my personality that I see the big picture before I can make sense of the details. That can be frustrating as h%@# doing it, but I have deep, deep understanding of things when I'm done. Once I see the forest, I understand the trees. Before that, all the trees just seem unconnected and confusing. This is one reason why the whole "just pretend things are good and it will turn out that way" type of counseling or self-help has never worked for me. When my T stops trying to do things the "usual" way and dives in with me I usually make great progress, just like this time! Of course, I plan to discuss all this with him next week.
A few thoughts. (1) Does this therapist require that his patients be eloquent and thoroughly understandable? (2) Does this therapist get to assertively tell his patients that they aren't being clear enough to suit him? He needs to take responsibility for his errors in that room. If he can't understand what you're saying, then he needs to ask questions to clarify things -- not criticize you after you criticized him. That's getting defensive, which is an error on his part.
I saw my T for 6 years for depression. I literally couldn't put 2 words together rationally and mumbled for the first year and a half. (Talk about voiceless!) He was very, very patient with me. This time, he was trying to help me be clear and concrete when talking with others about these issues. His example was that a lawyer would tear me to pieces in court if my wife sued for a "fault" divorce.
Aside from that, I want to be able to communicate my experience to others as clearly as possible. Since he was able to repeat back to me all the important points of what I've been telling him, it is clear that he hears and understands what I'm saying. Did (does) he miss the boat on what communication style I need. Yes, but I'll straighten him out on that!
Part of being verbally less than clear is my INTJ-ness, which leads me to qualify and complicate things instead of being assertive and direct. I try to be complete, thorough, and brutally honest, often at the expense of getting my point across.
I have been working on that already. Check out my writing style now, compared to my earlier posts. I am far more direct now. Thanks to everyone here for allowing me to practice this. The other part of being less than clear was the self-doubt coming from that tape running through my mind. Did I really hear what I heard? Did I really see what I saw? I don't have that anymore.
I'm also bummed that when you asked him what your problem was, he quickly answered "Thinking!" and gave an example of a dog that reminds me of the 100-man theory. Does he give homespun analogies to everything? He should not tell you what your problem is so quickly. How does he know? Maybe you have a complex constellation of issues. *sound of mind boggling*
I'm thrilled that he did this! It actually helped me, as opposed to the things he had been trying previously. I can see how this looks wierd or maybe even wrong from your viewpoint. But, he told me what I needed to hear in a way that I was able to hear and understand. I groc'ed it right away. Also, his answer was for a specific question from me. It was not meant to be a blanket statment about me. And finally, I'm sure that if anyone has a complex constellation of issues, its me!
Thanks for letting me vent my feelings, I hope it's not troubling to you. I'm still not saying to dump him. I just find him frustrating.
Vent away! I'm not troubled by it at all. I enjoy thinking deep thoughts and considering your questions. It gives me a chance to become aware of a lot of the things I think, but never notice.
I also find my T frustrating at times. When he's "on" like this time, he goes right to what I need to hear. Anyway, I'm not the deflated creampuff I was when I was depressed and first started seeing him. I take his not handling me with kid gloves now (he used to do this) as a sign that he respects my ability to be me. Also, knowing that he can take care of himself helps reduce my coddependent impulses.
