Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 19, 2017, 10:25:24 PM ---Tupp:
I identified with your post about protecting your son..... the going overboard, and not quite knowing when it's too much, or just heading off center with it, and not realizing we're off course. Making it a quest we couldn't see or question bc that's what we were living. Not realizing we'd prioritized safety without the ability to question.... face pressed up against the glass, and unable to SEE it, IME.
Remembering my face was pressed against the glass helps me forgive myself, and it explains WHY it happened. You certainly deserve grace, and understanding from yourself. You've been there... done that. You've gained some much needed perspective, just like I have. It takes some distance, and the will to do better. God help us if we desire perfection.... it just slows us down, IME.
Keep giving your son space and chances to grow. You're doing great, (((Tupp.)))
Love,
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Thank you, Lighter :) I've spent his whole life protecting him, from his dad, from my family, from harmful attitudes towards disability, from other people's limiting views and real threats from social workers and doctors who wouldn't help him so I can see that it becomes a default position that's then hard to get out of. We're getting there. He went to Youth Club last night and they did robot building. They designed them first and had to give them a name and a special feature. My son called his 'Disfigured Norman Kranng Droid' and his special feature was 'Perfecting Mutagen' lol. He also has a hidden arm that whacks people if they get to close to him. Perhaps he is echoing my need to keep harmful people away from him :) He's got drama club today, sailing on Thursday and Boccia on Sunday, so we're back up to four social events a week which is really good. I'm trying to get out walking every day, not far but he is building up his strength and stamina now. Getting there slowly. The paperwork mountain is starting to decrease, I am getting a bit of time to work on the van. Baby steps.
Twoapenny:
Summer Solstice today and I've spent the day pondering and thinking 'what next' and do you know what, I'm ready to leave my old life behind. The fear, the failures, the endless running round after people, bending myself in all directions to make everyone happy, always putting myself last. I want a life that I have chosen, not an endless procession of reactions to other people's mistakes or their failures to deal with their own problems. I don't want to keep worrying about what people think, I want people around me who accept me, warts and all, or go away people. I want to really get away from my past. I think that will mean moving again, further this time and cutting off ties when I do it. Still finding memories and people who elicit certain responses or feelings in me. Want to feel like I am living, rather than having to cope with living. Ready to leave it all behind now. It's very hot here at the moment!
Hopalong:
This might be off base, but what popped up for me when reading your latest post, Tupp, is "beware the Geographical Cure..."
((((((((Tupp)))))))
hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 21, 2017, 05:27:20 PM ---This might be off base, but what popped up for me when reading your latest post, Tupp, is "beware the Geographical Cure..."
((((((((Tupp)))))))
hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
It's part of my plan for creating a life that I want, Hopsie, rather than having to make do with circumstances created by other people :) The last ten or eleven years I've lived in places because of things my mum did, which pushed my life down a certain road. None of those places were places I'd have chosen myself, including where I live now. There are other places that I would much prefer, so it's part of my push to take back control of my own life and not to have to keep working at being happy with something I didn't want (which isn't working anyway as I feel thoroughly miserable most of the time) :) x
Twoapenny:
Sorry, more rambling, it just helps to get it written down rather than having it running through my head.
I've been avoiding people more and more and the reason for that is that I just can't listen to the moaning. There are two friends who've been trying to meet up for weeks but I've not got the energy to sit through another moaning session so I've been avoiding. Another friend is well overdue a phone call but I've not got the energy to listen to an hour of moaning. I've just received a text from another friend that has a long list of all her trials and tribulations in it, plus the family health problems, and I can't even muster up a 'sorry you're not well' text.
It did occur to me that I have some sort of health problem or crisis on almost a daily basis, but I tend to offload in writing rather than verbally. The only times I've ever sat and moaned for an hour is in a counselling session.
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