Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
How Do You Manage Your Stress?
lighter:
Yes yes yes.....
Tupp you did your best.....
all you could do, and that's more than enough.
Hops, I loved the description of your downtown, and how you and your pooch feel at home there.
Tupp..... wherever you got the idea to think of people as food..... some more nutritious than others.....
brilliant.
Often I write a long post, then slap my forehead bc all the talk talk talking and finger waving in people's faces likely does more harm than good. It's the examples, visuals, and stories that land in the brain, and reach target, IME.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on April 15, 2017, 10:30:57 AM ---Just one more thought on your recent incident:
--- Quote ---And I hate that I stood up to that piece of **** and everyone else took his side and left me hanging but ................ I've always had this thing about being able to look my son in the eye and tell him that I did my best and really mean it, and I feel I have where SF is concerned.
--- End quote ---
Hating that everyone left you hanging, hear hear. So many families are cowards. And, because of sexist culture over time, so many dependent females are afraid to give up their support or their mate status, having not had the opportunity or the courage (or neither) to create their own status and support.
But the BIG takeaways are:
You stood up to that piece of shit!
You really did do your best. (At a measure many people can't meet.)
You honored yourself AND your son. Your best was beyond good enough.
The others' decisions are their own karma. But you did so well. THAT'S what will last of this, in your lifetime. You stood up. For simple truth and for yourself. And it made all the difference.
The courage and integrity that took is part of you and will always be.
Big, beautiful truth.
hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
Thank you, Hops, you've hit the nail on the head with the female dependency thing. Every woman in my family revolves her life around her husband, every decision, from what to have for tea to how to raise the kids, where to work and everything in between. They are the centre of the Universe and everyone has to fall into line around them. I don't know why I'm not like that?! I've sort of gone the opposite way, no man at all for so many years!
We saw a really cute dog when we were out and it made me think of your earlier post, lol. It was nice and sunny and she was sitting in the hottest spot she could find, as they do, and just endlessly wagging her tail. You know when they look like they're smiling? That was her, she just looked really happy. Very cute :)
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on April 15, 2017, 10:57:03 AM ---Yes yes yes.....
Tupp you did your best.....
all you could do, and that's more than enough.
Hops, I loved the description of your downtown, and how you and your pooch feel at home there.
Tupp..... wherever you got the idea to think of people as food..... some more nutritious than others.....
brilliant.
Often I write a long post, then slap my forehead bc all the talk talk talking and finger waving in people's faces likely does more harm than good. It's the examples, visuals, and stories that land in the brain, and reach target, IME.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Food seems to be such a big thing with me, I've eaten loads of rubbish this weekend because people have made me feel rubbish and now I'm wishing I'd stuck to my healthy salads and not let myself fall off the wagon. Back on it tomorrow! I've also discovered that you can block certain bits from other people's newsfeeds on Facebook so I've done that and was rewarded with some nice pictures of the kids and no paedophile hunter stuff. Your posts are always ace, Lighter, long or short, there's always so much in them to take away and put to good use x
Twoapenny:
I've been focusing my yoga and mediation around chakras. Quite new to me and I've been enjoying the reading and finding out new things.
The thing with my sister really blindsided me this weekend. It seemed to come out of nowhere and it really threw me off course. I was thinking about it and wondering why it suddenly seemed a big deal and why my reactions to it were old, unhealthy habits - junk food, too much coffee, rubbish on the television.
I was looking for some yoga to do this morning and found one that works on the heart chakra, which is linked to forgiveness. The instructor talks about letting go off wrongs that have been done to you and accepting that other people make mistakes (and that we do, too).
Forgiveness has always been a difficult one for me, and I realised that part of the problem I have is that I feel that if I let go of the hurt or the anger and resentment (or the sadness) then I sort of let my barriers down and then I can get hurt again (and I don't like that!). So I've been wondering if this is what my 'lesson' is - learning to trust in letting those barriers down and seeing what happens. I find it a bit scary to be honest. I do feel that I've forgiven my sister for the shitty things she did in the past but I think where I struggle is with other people's lack of awareness of themselves - she's aware of the shitty things she's done but they don't seem to have changed her outlook or approach to life (other than making her more racist, I think). Maybe that's what I need to focus on, the fact that I'm working to change myself and that that means other people don't fit into your life any more. I think I've always felt I need a reason not to be around someone anymore as well, or like I owe them if they've been nice to me or done me a favour in some way. I think I need to think about that a bit more over the next few days x
Hopalong:
I understand why it got to you and stirred things up, Tupp. Still think you've managed to ride it through really well. Got a couple mouthfuls of saltwater and knocked off your surfboard by a dolphin who wasn't paying attention, but you climbed back on. You're still riding. So impressed by you.
I had a little wave to figure out too. First half of yesterday was just wonderful. Weather's ridiculously gorgeous and for a change, I woke well rested, functioned a LOT for me (getting things done), had a great walk and friend meet, etc. Later in the day I found myself obsessively reading about loss, drinking one drink more than I'd intended, and actually signed up for Twitter and for the first time in oh, about 6-8 months, looked again at my D's Twitter (to find I'm blocked). Haven't looked for AGES and have been feeling very healthy about that.
Then, duh, made the connection more consciously. Easter was a happy, lovely special Sunday when she was little. I did Easter baskets, we ate with her grandparents, she looked adorable, she cuddled up to me in the pew, the music is glorious, etc. It was just a time full of love and warmth and light. One time she came back to our little house on Easter Sunday afternoon (she'd spent the weekend at her Dad's) and as she came up the walk she was complaining about how they didn't really do much for Easter at his house, and I put my arm around her and expressed sympathy: Kind of a bummer, huh? No basket or egg hunt or anything? She wandered mournfully into the house and into her room and just screamed in joy, MOOOOOOOOOM! at the top of her lungs.
While she'd been away I had spent days: sanding and hand-painting an adorable new bed with vines, flowers, baby bunnies and squirrels with her initials on the headboard, building/assembling her a gorgeous new desk with a big shelving system on top of it, and I'd put a big Easter basket, card, and fat vase of daffodils on the desk. (She'd chosen daffodil-yellow for her room's walls, too, so the whole thing was a bit blinding! :lol:)
That was such a happy day for me as a mother, bringing her that surprise and seeing her joy.
So once I made the full connection, I realized why I overate and overdrank yesterday, forgave myself. And now I'm fine again. Well, still minus my child, but also...I am well. Sending her silent love and blessing, but unhooked from expecting it will be different.
I can have hope in a philosophical way, but not in a personal way. No expectations keeps me sane.
And I am well.
Hope you are today also, Tupp. And will find happiness in this day regardless of biofamily triggers. I remember that old Stephen Stills song: If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with.
Pooch and friends will be my family today. I'm going to a potluck that a single woman with a big friend-family holds every year. Making carrot-leek-kerfir-cilantro soup. Better hustle!
Love to you,
Hops
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