First class advice from all of you, as always, I think yesterday just seemed very overwhelming with so many things coming up at once. I think I even felt a bit guilty - for the first time in years I'm creating a good life instead of running from a bad one and I've been looking after myself so I feel a lot more relaxed and comfortable than I usually do. And all of a sudden all these other people were hit with terrible, life changing news - and for once it wasn't me. I almost felt a bit bad about the fact I'm not having a terrible time at the minute.
Did wake up this morning feeling much clearer and calmer about the whole situation and yes, supportive messages and nice cards I can do but I won't be leaping in to save everybody and I did realise when I woke up that that's okay, I don't need to (and in fact all of the people going through health problems at the moment have got other family/friends etc, I think I always panic because I don't have the partner/family to fall back on and I forget that other people do). Feeling a bit more logical about it all now. Skep, I'm so sorry you had those other tragedies happen so soon after losing Mike as well. When really big things come in clusters like that it's so difficult to get your head round and I'm so glad you were able to step back and not get involved (copy Skep, Tup - step away

).
As for the ex - I was very suspicious as in fifteen years he's never once got in touch or sent so much as a birthday or Christmas card to his son. I tried several times when my son was younger to get his dad to spend time with him but he refused and was vile about it so I have left well alone. He pays a very small amount of child support which he only started paying when he was forced to via a collection agency. So I was suspicious that he's suddenly gone to a lot of effort to get in touch and is very keen for us to come to our own arrangement with regards to child support and for everything to be friendly and amicable. I did a bit of digging and it turns out that our current arrangement is due to be reassessed and, as his financial situation has changed, he will have to pay more. That was why he wanted us to come to our own arrangement without involving anyone else so he can carry on paying very little. I have refused and asked the collection agency to go ahead with the reassessment. I did ask my son if he thinks about his dad at all or if he'd like to know more about and he's very emphatic that he's not interested and doesn't want to know or meet up with him. I think perhaps with being autistic he just doesn't have the sort of wonderment about things that other kids would have, that sort of curiosity of what a person might be like. Anyway - I am keeping things polite and if my son did want to see him one day I would try to arrange that for him but to be honest I'm pretty disgusted that he's only got in touch now to try and protect his own income. I will keep that to myself, though.
I'm back on the healthy eating, I've had a nice veggie filled lunch and am now planning a little nap before going out to run a few errands and buy some party decorations - my boy's fifteen on Sunday

Thank you for giving me the prod in the right direction again, as always, I think it all just came a bit too fast yesterday and I lost my way a little bit. Thank you

x