Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
sKePTiKal:
Well, I think Holly heard herself say exactly what I'm going to email her later on. She is so verbal - and so very good at expressing herself verbally - that if I want to be heard, I'm better off writing her.
It's already done in draft form; I'll send it later today. She already knows - given the gist of her texts today - what she's doing to herself.
I just checked the extended weather forecast - looks like temps are gradually easing their way toward spring. This will be the last super cold night for awhile anyway. So I'd better get my office files put together. The minute it gets decent outside - I have big work to do.
sKePTiKal:
Still processing here.
I should know better than to feel to much compassion/empathy for people to the point that I rub all my own wounds the wrong way. The widow I've focused on... Holly... and oh my... the feral black kitty showed up last night in terrible shape. Very sick; I'm guessing some kind of respiratory problem and as much I felt sorry for the poor thing and wished I could help it...
I grabbed Freddie, put him inside for the night... and then emptied and washed the porch bowls in extremely hot soapy water. Kitty went away some time later. I'll take a walk around this morning when it warms up and try to find it. With Freddie going in/out... he could drag something contagious inside to mio-mio. So he's going to make the trip to the vet's, for shots.
Mio-mio is still having box issues. But she's back to her old self... playing... even chasing Freddie around and ambushing him. LOL... he is SUCH a wussy-cat. Twice as big and less then half as old as she is... but she is senior cat inside and rules the roost. She goes to the door hoping he comes in now. Puts up a big fuss... and then settles down close to him, when he's inside. She doesnt fool me.
I hope Hops posts an update soon. With all the stuff going on in her life, I'm wondering how she's doing? Hope she hasn't caught the crud that's been going around.
Hopalong:
Hey ((((Youse))))--
Thanks for asking about me!
I'm okay but kinda swamped.
Got filmed for a local documentary about my state university's shameful "coeducation" (not) history, which I was directly affected by...it was nice. I felt as though a story that has made a profound mark on me for my whole life (and many other girls who weren't welcomed to speak then either), is now on celluloid (hah) and out of my chest. Glad I did it.
I'm generally very tired but pretty good...feeling engaged in my work and my novel and...sorta...in the relationship with B. I'll write about that over on Heist soon.
Tonight gotta focus on winding down and sleeping earlier--was awake until 330 this am and put in a long day with the Gent. Poor guy is failing and I feel like his companion in the end days.....
Hugs to all,
Hops
sKePTiKal:
ooooo.... that's tough Hops. Talk about boundaries. You can lean on us, you know. I'm not always "on point" - I know that - but I'll do my best.
Got a bunch of crap going on... all while looking like nothing is going on. Sheesh. What a phenomenon. I truly think the Gods have fated me NOT to have a simple life. Try as might.
sKePTiKal:
To explain my cryptic-ness...
Amy called last night. She was her genuine self - mostly. Said she'd been in an emotional "hole" for 4-5 days... and that she can't work like this (she's the EMT side of medical transport; scary thought)... and that what she really wants, right now... is a referral to a therapist who can help figure out why she's compelled to be self-destructive (with a strong will, determination & purpose) and stop doing it.
SIGH. Here we go again. Part of me doesn't believe her statement that she knows she really needs help. At all. But it is exactly the thing that I - and Holly - wish for her, so that perhaps we can have something approaching a family relationship. What choice was there, except to offer support to her in this endeavor? At the moment, it's just moral support - but the "plan" includes her not hesitating to ask mom for financial support to be able to stick out the therapy, if needed.
I'll be checking back in with her early next week, to see if she's following up on what she said she wants to do. It was eerily spot-on with those private prayers one offers up in hopes that a person "wakes up" and begins to matter enough to themselves to finally find the path back to the light. So, to protect myself I can't allow myself to hope that she's truly serious this time.
At some point, if it does look like she's going to follow through... I'll let Holly in on it. But for the time being she needs to focus on her own life and stop obsessing on her sis... and trying to substitute for Mom in Amy's life... when Amy and I have been working through the communication issues and trying to establish some 'thing' between us. Some trust. Maybe I'm being led down the delusional garden path again... and if so, I can bear the disappointment a little better than Holly can right now.
One baby step at a time... so I don't get massively hurt again.
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