Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
sKePTiKal:
Hops - it was the voice of experience that was smacking common sense back into me. Been around that block a few times myself. It never ends ends well for anyone.
I think I'm going to handle it by just coming out and saying it: You're sweet, and I'm glad to have your help around here... and if I can do ya a favor or so in return, I will - but it won't be THAT kind of favor and that's as far as it goes. I'm encouraged that he kinda came to his senses and backed out, too. I'm definitely not feeling entitled to being anyone's "a little on the side".
I think I'm surprised and shocked at my inner huzzy, to tell the truth. LOL. But there it is. Didn't help that somewhere in my undisciplined thinking, fantasizing and reminiscing... I remembered the most flaming flirtation, attraction of my life. He's long passed away now. But he pulled me out of my shell in ways that only ever happened again, with Mike.
I think it was a reminder that I can't neglect this part of myself. Just a little more intense than my usual "reminders". Jeez. And maybe putting me on notice that's "it's time" be a little more available, to those who are, as well.
sKePTiKal:
When I told Holly about this... she interrupted to ask if I might not be projecting my fantasies onto this poor guy. I can see how she came to that perception. I'm not TOTALLY sure, myself.
Maybe his intentions in making the requests were totally innocent. But the fact is, he did ASK. And it was the request that got my wheels turning off in fantasyland. I'm sure that does say a lot more about me, than him.
So, that'll take some thinking about... quiet feeling out those spaces... and more processing. Pretty sure it's not that far out of the range of experience after my loss. But as usual, I forgot it was something I needed to watch and notice about myself. And like a gawky teenager... I will likely swing around the extremes a bit before I find a more graceful way of navigating this part of life.
What on earth convinces guys to post shirtless pictures of themselves to online dating sites???? What a turn off. I just tell the database, they're not a match and move on. I took a quick tour of what "our time" considers a match for me - bleck. It reminds me of the old "meat markets" of the 80s. It's more fun to cruise the dog adoption sites... and the dogs & puppies are way cuter and look more interesting.
Hopalong:
Oh, I hear you.
I especially love the selfies some of these good gents take in their bathrooms.
It's mighty brave!
I mean...some are willing to share not just their chests, but their medicine chests!
I am not a bathroom snob.
Nor a naked chest snob.
But on websites, in combination...my stars and garters.
:lol:
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on October 30, 2017, 09:58:20 AM ---When I told Holly about this... she interrupted to ask if I might not be projecting my fantasies onto this poor guy. I can see how she came to that perception. I'm not TOTALLY sure, myself.
Maybe his intentions in making the requests were totally innocent. But the fact is, he did ASK. And it was the request that got my wheels turning off in fantasyland. I'm sure that does say a lot more about me, than him.
So, that'll take some thinking about... quiet feeling out those spaces... and more processing. Pretty sure it's not that far out of the range of experience after my loss. But as usual, I forgot it was something I needed to watch and notice about myself. And like a gawky teenager... I will likely swing around the extremes a bit before I find a more graceful way of navigating this part of life.
What on earth convinces guys to post shirtless pictures of themselves to online dating sites???? What a turn off. I just tell the database, they're not a match and move on. I took a quick tour of what "our time" considers a match for me - bleck. It reminds me of the old "meat markets" of the 80s. It's more fun to cruise the dog adoption sites... and the dogs & puppies are way cuter and look more interesting.
--- End quote ---
Ha, the perils of internet dating, Skep! Yes, it's an eye opener. I think this guy is just waking you up to the possibility of a man being part of your life again - not him, for all the reasons you've already said, but it seems his attention, whatever form it is taking, has made a little something in you wake up and think okay, maybe this part is coming back to life. I think that's a good thing, even though it's not a path you want to go down with this particular chap, but it seems to be sending a signal that that part of your life is coming into focus.
And yes, I think clear, no messing about statements about what is and isn't on the cards is best - saves any future misunderstandings or anyone crossing the line so much that the nice helpful quality of your friendship is affected xx
lighter:
Amber:.
How will you seek out male companionship for yourself? It's tough to be so isolated, and want to expand your social circle I'm sure.
Your cabin reminds me very much of my father's house. Pecky Cyprus ceilings and walls with hardwoods....so warm and cozy. You have so many great vinyl flooring choices these days, and it's a no brainer in wet areas for sure.
About this younger man.... I'm glad he's creating sparks, but I agree with Hops and you. Too many pitfalls,and ways it could go wrong. Cultivating connections with potential seems a better use of your time, and there's no moral wrestling match. Even if it was easy and casual and super convenient, it might get weird. Possibly very weird, but you're a big girl. I trust you'll make decisions that are right for you. You deserve to be cherished and honored.
Lighter
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