Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Just the crap I've been up to - LOL
sKePTiKal:
Had a really good visit with the kids. There was some wood stacking happen, and Matt struggled through problem-solving the mounting for my living room sconces. I got to meet their new puppy - Knuckles. He's pretty cute and a snuggle-pup too.
I haven't seen the hunters for the "big week" like I did last year. I also haven't seen/heard that many deer either. Ronnie's been in/out a few times, but didn't stop. I know he didn't recognize Holly's new car. Had a chance to discuss that situation with Matt & Holly - she didn't tell him much. No firm decisions made there... except for maintaining distance.
No contact with the land owner either, who questioned Ronnie about why I haven't called. Which now reads to me like something is being "brokered" behind my back... so while I put on my naive and innocent hat to find out just what is being wanted from me... and WAITING... I'm having a chance to seriously think about the decision on my own instead. And figuring out just what I WANT to do. I have a few more people to talk to and consult with before deciding.
I've pulled the last card I have to try to get my buildings delivered and installed - the sales person, who is a local. The company said it would be at least 2 weeks out after I called because I heard nothing while the LAST delivery date passed... which is what I've been told for 3 months. As it happens, he's going up there on Friday to talk to people higher than my customer service rep. He's been promised one more delivery in our area and he will have my order in hand and make sure mine are on the truck... he says. We'll see. He doesn't exactly have that kind of control. The only other option I have is to cancel the order, ask for a refund of the deposit - and try to find some other company.
I won't be happy about that. The buildings are really nice and I NEED them for the storage space, to get equipment under cover before the snow really flies... which most likely requires lining up extra hands.
Other than that - it's Christmas shopping season... enjoying my kitchen... doing some writing to my "self" to chart Phase 2... and hibernating.
Twoapenny:
Aw, Skep, I love puppies! They can just make the bleakest day seem brighter :) You are so busy. I'm glad that kids coming up has been good and that Mr Ronnie seems to have understood the situation. I'm sorry for the situation your bro is in - very difficult when you have to sort out finances as part of a split. I hope things get sorted as quickly as they can. And that you find somewhere for your mum to go. I am hearing more and more about the 'problem' of where people need to live as they age and I do kind of wish people would be a bit more open to making plans whilst they don't need care, or at least talking through what, when and where so that other people don't have to sort everything out for them. It's certainly made me think about 'what if' for the future. The state system just doesn't support and even with a close night, loving family (and how many of those are there?!) 24 hour or nursing care just isn't practical without professional involvement. So I hope you and bro are able to sort something out relatively easily. Hard situation to be in xx
lighter:
Amber:
I'm sorry your buildings are delayed, yet again. I don't know about metal buildings or competition, but you might find better service and comparable quality if it comes to it. Just such a PITA, I know.
Hopefully delivery comes soon.
Can you post a pic of your kitchen updates? I'd love to see.
Lighter
sKePTiKal:
I'll try to get some pics posted Lighter; remind me if I forget. Running into the big city today... coming home & starting a batch of crusty yeast rolls for Thursday - laundry - hunters are here all week - and Wed Holly's driving out to pick me up for the holiday with them and Matt's family. It's an experiment on my part. Anxiety about getting lost in a big, mean, dangerous city is my biggest deterrent to getting out and being more social. Even though I used to live in the same city. Her driving me, is the workaround, for now.
THE HOLIDAYS ARE HERE AGAIN.
Now, for the past 10 years or so... mine have been relatively "drama free". To the point that even though we do things "unconventionally", we still have a good time. The city trip means I'll be spending Thursday with people I've mostly met before - but don't know WELL. They are nice people and I'm not working myself up into a tizzy over it. It should be different from my normal stuff - but fun.
So last night - while I was really busy juggling the woodstove, the hunters, and my dinner - my mom calls. Given the ugliness happening with brother & his (hopefully very soon to be) ex-wife... despite my instinct to NOT answer, I did anyway. I really need to listen to my instincts more often - even if I regret them later. She doesn't often call at night.
She was working herself up into a panicked snit, indulging in all kinds of imaginary stuff, and mind-reading my brother... to the point of totally convincing herself that she "knows" what he is/isn't doing. She even went so far as to question whether such a thing as "no fault divorce" exists in her state - or our home state - and when I confirmed that it did, she insisted that it wasn't that way when she got divorced. I pointed out that laws can and do change in 50 years... and she wanted to argue that laws don't change.
Then came the defiant ultimatums about what she would/would not do... the excuses... the worries about her "stuff". No matter how it would complicate things for my brother, no matter who became collateral damage in the process... I could not get her to simply accept the facts of what she MUST or MUST NOT do, at this time - whether she liked it or not. She couldn't possibly understand why the wife wasn't being forced to leave the home instead of brother. Because of course - wife is the "evil one" - and in a no fault divorce, there is LEGALLY no blame, no "bad actor" to punish. I deflected, at that point... and tried to stick to concrete advice to make things bearable for her.
I didn't exactly lose my temper, but I was having to shout over her rediculousness. Till she hung up on me, basically. She "had to go now". I was advising her to get together what she needed to have, to be able to pack quickly - including her "sick cat" - because the wife is inviting her family and a lot of other people for Thanksgiving and has gotten a lot more unstable and violent with my brother and his lawyer advised him to be out of the house by Thanksgiving. It is not safe for brother or mother to be there anymore. And it isn't possible to for her to take all her "stuff" at a moment's notice. The "stuff" - honest to god - is what she cares the most about.
I need to find time to talk to brother today and at least warn him what kind of crap stew she has waiting for him. Mom SAID that brother suggested driving to my place and staying with me over the holiday... but of course, nothing like that came up when I talked to him last - and he didn't know I wasn't going to be home. I can see some triangulation starting up... in her "other world" as evidenced by her conversation. He mentioned a "someday" visit... and I explained that I have too many stairs here for my mother. (OH.... was that a subconscious choice?? :evil grin:)
Well, his job involves a lot of travel. Two weeks to find a place to rent isn't much notice. He can't leave Mother behind - because she is another of wifey's targets. I put the facts out there for her. Commiserated that it sucked, but it is what has to be done at this point. And she kept flipping back & forth between blaming brother for what she was "sure" he was thinking and doing (she doesn't know that; I got tired of repeating that) and telling me (not HIM) what she would/wouldn't do.
I stopped myself short from using the "command voice" to state that NONE of this was "all about her", like she was trying to make it, and I didn't like that she was going out of her way to make a difficult situation even more difficult for my brother. I guess she was mind-reading everyone, she might've picked that up. :another evil grin: I did tell her, that neither she or I are ALLOWED to have an opinion about brother's choices - it's NONE OF OUR BUSINESS - and neither of us can "tell" him what to do.
I guess she forgets that brother will be 60 next year... and has a mind of his own.
Enmeshment, projection, triangulation, blame/victim cycle, hoarding syndrome, panic/anxiety, defiant resistance, passive-aggressive.... she threw the whole stew of shit at me. And like water off a duck's back... on my side. I insisted on reality, facts, and that she is not in control. I pushed those buttons until her brain locked up. Maybe when she reboots herself, she'll be a better state... but I doubt it.
Yep, one of those communities that go from independent living to assisted living to full nursing just might be the ticket here.
(Sorry - I'm thinking out loud I guess. Still upset - rattled - by having to field this crap that isn't my problem and I don't want it to be.) Just had to vent that all out.
lighter:
Wowsers, Amber. Your brother better be researching retirement homes, if he isn't already.
And.....your mother likely heard nothing you said. You may as well shout into a storm. She's uncomfortable not knowing what's coming, and that's normal. Nothing anyone says will make her feel better, IMO.
If your mom had control of the situation that might help, but she doesn't.
I do wish we could honor our instincts iimediately and without doubt.
Lighter
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