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Heist on Something....

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lighter:
:: sending calm peace of mind for any conversation to come::..
Light

sKePTiKal:
Oh that you'll see with the eyes of the universe Hops... all you need to see.

Hopalong:
Well I dunno how exactly, but B passed the test. I really was ready to let him go if he didn't hear me. But he did. He listened intently. I talked out ALL of how I felt about The Tone and all the rest, and he just listened.

He didn't intend to come across as horrid executive, he'd just had a hard time booking his flight right before calling me. (He was oblivious to how it sounded.) He too felt upset that I didn't obey his request to come out and resolve everything before he left, but that clued him that I was pretty seriously upset. And he apologized.

He was SO worried and so vulnerable and sweet that I just kind of caved.

We're okay. This could/probably will happen again but if it does, I'll let him know. I won't let The Tone become a thing. But I'm less freaked out that it happened.

He said something odd. He's not sure I see the relationship the way he does, and truthfully, to him I am an "imposing" personality. And all of a sudden I realized that he's probably more scared of me than I'm scared of him. (I'm so freaking verbally fast that he barely keeps pace but he looks at me like I'm the North Star and talks about how beautiful I am. I tell him he just wants to get in my pants and he laughs. He said he was "ecstatic" that we were okay again. I realized he really meant it. Then I relaxed more and realized it's just...stuff. He really is very deeply invested in our relationship. (And he plans to go to the class with me again.)

I think we can work through it. I know the talk went really well, we had a nice meal and I got to listen to more stories about his life and work, and we were really affectionate with each other. WEIRD relationship since I think we're from different planets, but for now, we're still okay.

He was so nervous before I came I think he'd had a bourbon or two and he NEVER does that. So his vulnerability truly affected me and I didn't feel so "imposing" about everything.

Hmmm. Who the hell knows. It is nice to be wanted. And my dog adores him.

Hops still dunno but I can say I feel way better.

Thank you, Amazons. You'll never know just how much you've done for me. Here's a 67 y/o acting like a terrified teenager and y'all just help me re-ground. I know whether I'm announcing something big or a new tough chapter, you'll be here.

Lots of love,
Hops

Twoapenny:
Hopsie, I honestly have to say that I am happy with a capital H :)

I could see exactly where you were coming from with regards to 'The Tone' and agreed entirely that yes, it's not a good sound and it quite clearly set off a huge alarm bell for you instead of the smaller 'I can deal with this' alarms that had gone previously.  But I really am truly delighted that B has responded the way that he has.  The fact that he listens is so valuable, and the fact that you are strong enough (and courageous enough) to be so honest even though you felt it would probably mean this was the last time you see him suggests to me a really strong foundation.  I'm so excited!

I think it's so great that he's human, and struggles a bit, and doesn't always feel like he knows what he's doing and that you do two - just two normal people willing to put the time and effort in to grow something that's fun and, most importantly, full of mutual respect.  I'm so glad that he adores you, so deserve that so much and I'm really truly happy that this enormous bump has been aired, cleared and minded.  I think being able to deal with the hiccups is what makes a relationship work and I think you both just proved you can do that :)  I'm really happy for you, Hopsie :) xx

lighter:
Hops:

You seem to be working out a relationship recipe that has value for you and B.

I'm sorry you were knocked so far off balance, and for so long, but that's where serious work and understanding take place, IME.

As long as he's not conning you....as long as you're being heard.....as long as he's speaking his truth.....there is hope for B and Hops together.

You don't have to always agree, but there needs to be a baseline of honorable conduct, and mutual care which won't ever be exactly equal, btw.  People who can be kind, even when they don't get their way or hear what they'd like, indicates they care as much about you as they care about themselves.  That's pretty important in a relationship, esp for those if us with allergies to interpersonal terrorists, and conflict in general, I suppose.

I'm proud of you for forging ahead bravely with B, esp when you were uncertain how the conversation would go.  It's just a discussion, and remaining curious, not tied to outcome, helps.

Brava, Hops.  B is lucky to have a quick, bright, very interesting woman, with her own mind, in his life.  It appears he's aware of this truth too.

This is the difficult stuff that grows sturdy relationships, IME.  You and B seem to be doing the work.

Lighter

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