Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Heist on Something....
sKePTiKal:
Hops, I think it does have some to do with the OCD. Remember my reluctance to drive myself to Baltimore (despite having done so on a regular basis years & years ago)? Some of it is simply being in an area I don't know well at all or has changed over the years - and the sensory overload of that can drive an OCD person to exhaustion, and that's before you add a crowd of people into the mix.
But some of it is also believing the distortions of just how bad things are, delivered by our "not-so-friendly" media. You have no real experience to compare it to -- until you're there. That's definitely anxiety-inducing for me. The option to not believe the media, can be considered fool-hardy if it is dangerous (or more dangerous than it used to be)... and that "unknown" of actually seeing for yourself is something a person just has to accept whenever one does or goes somewhere new.
You will have to tell B, that the shoe is on the other foot. He's going to have to rely on your experience and trust your ability to "protect" him... so HE can relax for a change! LOL.
lighter:
B is outside his comfort zone. He doesn't want to appear weak in front of you. He doesn't want anyone hurt..... reasonable to think about in unfamiliar territory, imo.
Good luck on the trip, and have a great time Hops.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on March 01, 2018, 10:24:49 AM ---Thanks Amber...yup, wind.
Not much to do except duck, unfortunately. (And pray for my big tree!)
Tupp thank you. I am thinking it's possible too.
But gotta say, B's level of anxiety and discomfort with anything new or that he's not in control of is beginning to sink in. We're going to a big city I used to live in for a night and he kept talking about his apprehensions and whether he could still "take someone" if we're attacked. I kept thinking, my god man, we'll use common sense about where we walk and bring a friendly attitude.
I realize how isolating it is, in a way, to feel you must "look rich" or hold yourself apart from others. I've waded into poor urban neighborhoods when I taught there, ditto Appalachia, ditto other countries, etc. I've never been reckless about where I walk but likewise have never led with paranoid feelings about whole cities.
I wouldn't take him to the scariest areas I used to work in (in his fancy car) but likewise, I don't want to FOCUS on stranger-danger all the time. I'm beginning to catch on that he's genuinely afraid of new experiences. I wonder if the OCD has anything to do with it?
Just rambling....
xxoo
Hops
--- End quote ---
I think part of that's just 'bloke' stuff, Hopsie, like refusing to ask for directions :) However much social conditioning has gone on over the years I still think that part of male DNA is to protect - I even see it in my son (with regard to me) and I think it's just inbuilt. I don't imagine B has known many women like you, with your sort of background and range of experiences. He might be so used to having to take control that he's not comfortable not doing it. I expect it will ease off over time :) I think it's quite sweet that a guy in his 70s is getting ready to put his fists up to defend his lady :) Even though I know you don't need defending :) xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on March 01, 2018, 11:56:12 AM ---Hops, I think it does have some to do with the OCD. Remember my reluctance to drive myself to Baltimore (despite having done so on a regular basis years & years ago)? Some of it is simply being in an area I don't know well at all or has changed over the years - and the sensory overload of that can drive an OCD person to exhaustion, and that's before you add a crowd of people into the mix.
But some of it is also believing the distortions of just how bad things are, delivered by our "not-so-friendly" media. You have no real experience to compare it to -- until you're there. That's definitely anxiety-inducing for me. The option to not believe the media, can be considered fool-hardy if it is dangerous (or more dangerous than it used to be)... and that "unknown" of actually seeing for yourself is something a person just has to accept whenever one does or goes somewhere new.
You will have to tell B, that the shoe is on the other foot. He's going to have to rely on your experience and trust your ability to "protect" him... so HE can relax for a change! LOL.
--- End quote ---
Definitely a lot to do with the media, I think, our papers make it sound like nowhere's safe. There is crime, of course there is, but random assaults and attacks are still far less common than fatal car crashes but no-one thinks twice about getting in a car. And Skep, I don't feel relaxed going to new places - like you I find having to think about lots of things at the same time quite tiring. There was a time when I didn't mind getting lost but now I find it exhausting :) xx
Hopalong:
Yeah, it's the paranoia and negative assumptions about huge swaths of people.
I suppose I should be touched by the macho fantasies but in fact I'm saddened. It just seems like an isolating kind of fear that prevents him from enjoying exploration and enjoying encountering new people. He carries that generally.
I'm beginning to think B and I won't enjoy much travel together. Our one overnight was to a tiny mountain town but the idea of cities seems to scare him a lot. He's mentioned it repeatedly. Like, "I'm not interested in London..." etc.
But I'm still looking forward to going and like it or not, B is going to meet 3 amazing other people I've known for many years. Then we'll go off to the shore to meet friends of his, which'll also be good, as I never have before....
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