Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
summer stuff
lighter:
I wish Seth Meyers could show up, and share a A Closer Look on this subject before a sermon......to provide perspective for the congregation.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Boy, that would be amazing.
Well, I escaped this weekend for a quiet break at a friend's lakeside home. I wouldn't want to live there but the boat rides and simple past times were helpful for perspective. No romance there (we were both clear about friendship from the get-go) but really nice just to relax and talk and look at water. Plus, pooch on the boat was heroic. He drove it fast and she shook in my arms but still coped and liked friend a lot. I found the area lovely but lacking in some things I value. Little culture and what there was was zero diversity, kinda culturally too conservative for me. Very nice retreat tho.
Life's gotten a little too intense this year between church and working for dear ole Ngent,
who's just fallen out of bed and broken his shoulder and wrist on his first night at the new
nursing home. Breaks my heart for him but there it is. Because I was away, the PoAttys had
to step up and manage it all, and they're champing for me to be solely in charge of emptying
his apartment and other things. I can do it and do appreciate the earnings. But I will be ready to move on more to new clients that don't come encumbered with three "managers" who resent the burden of their voluntary post, don't have clear plans for who does what, and who tend to throw up their hands and "order" me to do stuff, forgetting I have new clients too.
It'll be okay but I'm a little tired of absorbing the huge drama they make of all of it, when
I've been tuned into him in a closer way for a long time. I tend to focus on his comfort and emotional well being, while they are obsessed about his estate, money, etc.
I'm hoping in upcoming months I'll be able to rethink the balance in my life a lot. Could involve
new plans, simpler schedule, whatever. One step is exercise. I'm committed to one baby step that still means something to me...a friend in worse shape than I am, also scared about the health consequences of becoming sedentary, is going to walk with me once a week. She lives at a distance so that's all we both can do together when she's in town weekly. But it'll get me going so by fall I hope to be back to vigorous walks daily. Will be good for me AND pooch, and I'm grateful to have company as I get started. That psychological hurdle of motivating myself has been hard to clear.
Hugs
Hops
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on August 13, 2018, 09:52:59 PM ---Boy, that would be amazing.
Well, I escaped this weekend for a quiet break at a friend's lakeside home. I wouldn't want to live there but the boat rides and simple past times were helpful for perspective. No romance there (we were both clear about friendship from the get-go) but really nice just to relax and talk and look at water. Plus, pooch on the boat was heroic. He drove it fast and she shook in my arms but still coped and liked friend a lot. I found the area lovely but lacking in some things I value. Little culture and what there was was zero diversity, kinda culturally too conservative for me. Very nice retreat tho.
Life's gotten a little too intense this year between church and working for dear ole Ngent,
who's just fallen out of bed and broken his shoulder and wrist on his first night at the new
nursing home. Breaks my heart for him but there it is. Because I was away, the PoAttys had
to step up and manage it all, and they're champing for me to be solely in charge of emptying
his apartment and other things. I can do it and do appreciate the earnings. But I will be ready to move on more to new clients that don't come encumbered with three "managers" who resent the burden of their voluntary post, don't have clear plans for who does what, and who tend to throw up their hands and "order" me to do stuff, forgetting I have new clients too.
It'll be okay but I'm a little tired of absorbing the huge drama they make of all of it, when
I've been tuned into him in a closer way for a long time. I tend to focus on his comfort and emotional well being, while they are obsessed about his estate, money, etc.
I'm hoping in upcoming months I'll be able to rethink the balance in my life a lot. Could involve
new plans, simpler schedule, whatever. One step is exercise. I'm committed to one baby step that still means something to me...a friend in worse shape than I am, also scared about the health consequences of becoming sedentary, is going to walk with me once a week. She lives at a distance so that's all we both can do together when she's in town weekly. But it'll get me going so by fall I hope to be back to vigorous walks daily. Will be good for me AND pooch, and I'm grateful to have company as I get started. That psychological hurdle of motivating myself has been hard to clear.
Hugs
Hops
--- End quote ---
You've had a lot to deal with for a very long time, Hops, I think it's only natural that other things fall by the wayside. The regular walking sounds like a great idea, such a good way to get fit, good for the mind, opportunities to meet/chat to people/dogs etc and no cost other than your outdoor clothing. Sounds great.
Makes me sad to read of Ngents interested parties only being interested in the finances. Seems so common. A friend is visiting next week; they are looking to buy a holiday home near us from an inheritance she recently received from an elderly aunt. The aunt's estate was split equally four ways between the siblings but I bet you can guess who of the four was the one who looked after her, visited her and put complaints in about poor care when she was concerned about the home aunt was in? The siblings were on the phone wanting their money before the funeral had even been held. Horrible way to be :( I think you are wise to step into other things as they come up and start to look for more balance in your life, Hops, I think we all need that xx
lighter:
Hops:
Ngent is lucky to have you in his life. The three " managers" are what they are. Sadly, handling necessary details, sans larger scope of care, is their limit.
I look forward to hearing about your plan for streamlining your life. Excercise is great endorphin producing activity leading to more positive feelings, ime. You deserve self care, and reflection on current needs, and life choices.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Thanks, Lighter.
I've gotten headway on the balance, though it sure is baby steps.
One thing I finally realized I hadn't fully accepted since it's embarrassing. And I did accept it.
When I become sedentary for a long time (out of depression, usually) I have a HELL of a time getting myself to start exercise again. BUT, if I plan it with or around seeing a friend, then I can get my ass moving. It's been three weeks now since the friend and I committed to walk together every week, and sure enough, the in-between walks have been much easier to talk myself into.
It's a weird contagious thing. I guess I have a harder time being alone lately than I've admitted to. Once I admitted it directly to my T last week, and accepted that this is how I feel, I no longer felt shame at my difficulty making myself exercise on my own. I just accepted it, scheduled the weekly commitment with my friend, and have found it much easier to seek out walking opportunities in between.
Today, wound up visiting a help-client in the hospital. (She had fallen and didn't turn up when I went to pick her up to take her to an appointment.) The hospital has big long corridors and stairs (optional). I grabbed each chance and also walked briskly back to the garage.
It's All One, as Dr. Bronner would say. When my friend and I started three weeks ago on our one-day-week commitment, I found myself immediately eating more salads and less junk, walking more in between our meets, and generally behaving less like an unhinged lonely loony.
I've already lost several pounds. Funny how that works....
I never, ever, lacked information on WHAT to do. I know that in granular detail. I just was missing the piece that loneliness was the real reason.
xxoo
Hops
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