Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
lighter:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on March 18, 2019, 06:16:13 PM ---
You SIMPLIFIED it.
Simply noticed the direction and tone of the thoughts and redirected yourself.
Hops
--- End quote ---
Yup yup yup, Hops.
::nodding::.
Just like a toddler; )
Bettyanne:
It sure sounds very interesting.....I have six kids....my first 4 went to Catholic school....same as myself....I am sorry I ever let the kids go to Catholic school.....I had 12 years of it....mind control so much of it....your always a sinner and going to hell for normal kids things we all did.
This sounds like a great thing for kids...Mindfullness....
We all do this best we can.....I believe children of Narcs......not having real role models to follow makes life hard when we don't see healthy
I know my T says I wouldn't know normal if I fell over it.....
We just all try our best......
Bettyanne
lighter:
So, I'm at ALDI'S 3 minutes before they open.... looking for a quarter. Sibling coming into town this evening... need fresh veggies, etc.
I didn't have a quarter... had to crawl around on the floorboard to find one for the cart.
The reason I don't have any quarters is bc I consistently leave them in the carts, about every third visit, bc it's a small way to pay it forward, and pass on good will. Like paying the toll for the car behind you.... just very nice.
There's a lesson in this, and it's my lesson. If we care more about others, forget the 51% rule, and give all our quarters away, we run out of quarters, and we did that. We have to own it, notice it at every level we DO that in our lives, and fix it.
lighter:
Hours of picking weeds, sans distractions.... and I'm feeling pretty centered around confusing jumble of boundary transgressions I've allowed over the last 20 years. Searching through how they happened, when they started, and why I allowed them.... certainly about the frog in slowly boiling water, and not in my face honest transgressions I could see coming a mile away.
Giving people enough rope to hang themselves with is a terrible way to operate in relationships, IME. I'm teasing out how that used to serve me, and how I'll utilize it, or not, going forward. Exposing my throat, and hoping for the best in people to show up, is another terrible way to operate. I'm trying to figure out how hope, and love of redemption for those who claim they want it, factor in to my choices in mates. It's certainly a feature, and I think I have quite enough distance to look at from an observer's stance.
Dropping judgement helps.
A lot actually.
sKePTiKal:
Lighter, in those boundary situations, I've tried something new. I'll devote enough attention to watching how I FEEL - sans the usual analysis/perception going on - and then take the time, to decide if the feeling was just me being out of sorts or something like that; if I really own the feeling... or if the feeling is really that little voice warning me of the imbalance.
Then, I continue watching to see if it's always that way in that relationship or there is some reciprocity instead and perhaps my feeling was just my own sensitivity to certain things.
It's complicated for sure; not a perfect science. I get it wrong as often as right. But it definitely HELPS.
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