Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness
Hopalong:
Buncha research, I read somewhere, has shown that multi-tasking is actually not peak performance, and instead drains the mind and takes the edge off pleasures and talents. So bravo for not being great at it!
There are times when we have no choice, but when we can do flow, as you are with art (invites)...flow's a much better, happier way to be a human being.
Glad you had hypervigilance available when it was a must, but keeping it around will just amp you on adrenalin and predispose you to illness. My own D developed Addison's disease and has about a quarter of one adrenal gland left.
Happy for you and DD about this threshold in her life. That's wonderful!
xo
Hops
Hopalong:
Present for ya, Lighter:
--- Quote ---https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tD9gSM2c-JY
--- End quote ---
lighter:
Thanks for your response, Hops:
I was never a great multi tasker on my best day. SEEING what I've been trying to juggle over the years is way helpful in determining what's not working, and what needs to go.
I can tell you, I've opened the garage door in this house for years, and could have opened onto zombies or a shootout without too much surprise. Maybe any. I think I would have rolled, or slipped or ducked without shock, or much adrenaline. Maybe a..... feeling of....
finally.
I first noticed that finally feeling in 2009.... heading into 2010. That first time something, that used to send alarm, and shock through me, didn't. Instead I just felt.... finally.
Finally, what's coming will happen. It was a huge departure from how my nervous system handled threat up to that point. I'd go from seated to standing without realizing it. Amygdala hijacking my system, and acting.
THIS, I realize now.... this FINALLY thing.... was my amygdala NOT hijacking my system. It was either fatigued or I'd come to some kind of terms with reality.... acceptance.... no longer struggling to understand.... making peace with it, and knowing I'd handle it, whatever it was, and believing I could. Death himself could have walked in the door, and I would have been expecting him, and unafraid. That's not something I ever felt I'd feel, but I'm thinking it was necessary to get through, and on with life.
I'll sort that into pieces soon. Right now I'm riding a wave of energy in the kitchen.... it feels like sacred space as I light the pine incense, and little candles in candle holders I loved when I found, and collected them. Sometimes I don't even see them, Hops. Sometimes I'm clutter AND comfort blind. It's that state of paralysis, and I'm sorting those pieces too.
I stopped to enjoy a lovely salad, and it didn't slow my brain down, which certain foods will do.
So, back to tidying: )
I'll watch the tiny house link when I slow down, ((Hops)).
Thanks,
Lighter
lighter:
OK, so choices.
I'm walking the pug baby, and she pulls me under and through some Hemlock trees, her chosen preference for walking humans. I have to snap off a couple little twigs that might otherwise stab my eyes out. I notice how much I worry about eyes, and teeth. It was a dry thin twig, and took only a little force, but the recoil snapped BAM and surprised me. I look to see why thumb is screaming at me, and see an odd break in the skin. Very small. Very circular. You can see layers of skin pulled back like a bullyseye.... very odd. Never seen anything like it, and I've had a lot of little painful breaks in skin. OK. Wow. SO PAINFUL. Then a tiny bead of blood appears. OK. Then it blooms into more blood. OK. It was like the recoil smacked a hole in the surface tension of my skin, and that must be was happens when the force of a bomb hits a person, concusses a body, and that's when it struck me. I don't have to let that pain, and line of thought keep going. I can act, and make my thumb feel better by running the meridian backwards at that point. I did it. Felt better, but more than that I don't have to let that negative train of thought continue, I don't really need thoughts like that in my head. I prefer not to have them there. I consciously go back to focus on the Pug, and yard, which I enjoy.
I'm repairing a big patch of moss oldest DD slipped, and dislodged when things were freezing weeks ago. A big patch, maybe 2X1, and then I was muttering under my breath, again, about her not caring to replace it herself, she walks by it several times a day, it's right by the stairs she walks down from the deck, why was I the only one who cared? Why don't the girls care, then stopped. Again. And chose to latch on to more positive thoughts.
I get back in the house, and begin stripping beds, and shower curtains. I look forward to making everything clean, which is walking meditation restored, again, like yesterday's, and I'm noticing and enjoying that. Then I notice the big orange baby man's in the news, and bless his little heart, he so reminds me of just about every aspect of dealing with an ASPD that I'm once again muttering under my breath. OY. Really? THIS is a pattern, this muttering under my breath, and allowing my focus to be hijacked.
I turn the TV OFF, and go back to working. I prefer the positive frame of mind. I notice it when it's disturbed, and hope I'll notice and correct when I'm under more stress.
I don't want to go through my life with no control over my thoughts. I don't want negativity to be my default, nope nope nope.
Back to sheets..... keeping blood off the white sheets... jeesh.... getting a bandaid..... back to happy work.
Flow, Hops: )
::nodding::.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Wow, Lighter.
You SIMPLIFIED it.
Simply noticed the direction and tone of the thoughts and redirected yourself.
I am so impressed. Three times.
Extended, intentional self-love! (I am inspired...)
Bravo, you!
Hops
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