Fall Stuff

[lighter]

Hops:

You have had a lot going on in the last months, plus all the things underneath.  It flipped my stomach to read about your day, bc we all have some variation of days where we can't be busy enough to keep the difficult feelings under the surface.

I've yet to identify it as "an opportunity for growth" before feeling struck and blindsided when the dam breaks. 

I so want to deal with the difficult feelings as they come up, so I'm shedding heaviness, and nt collecting. 

I can't find my computer so must tap out replies with one finger.

I'm glad you're posting, and fully support a change in Ts if that seems right to you.  Your old T should understand, and wish you all the best, imo. 

The wedding dress is hysterical, Tupp.
"I'm looking for a casual relationship" Hee!

So funny: )

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Thanks, Lighter. I really appreciate that understanding...how things can hit before you fully take in what they are or what they weigh.

I'm doing better, albeit two frustrations, about therapy:
--the potential new T is lovely and everything I'd like to do but she is an LPC (licensed professional counselor) rather than a psychologist, social worker or shrink...so my medigap won't cover her (nor will medicare). I don't feel I can commit to paying out of pocket.
--my doctor agreed to write me a trial of buproprion, the most benign anti-anxiety/depression Rx I could find and, after two night of double-volume tinnitus, I realized that like others can be, it's ototoxic.

So I'm back to simpler things like melissa (lemon balm), magnesium calm, and chamomile). Plus melatonin and a crumb of ambien for sleep. Worked better last night than it had been.

Good news is that there is a supervised-exercise program available to me, out of pocket but not expensive at all, convenient, and after a couple months of that I should be over the panicky stuff and ready to exercise solo like a big girl. I'm very happy about this and eager to start. They're contacting my doc for the referral they need so hoping all that goes through.

Just amazing how many obstacles there are to preventive care, eh? When if one wants a healthier country.... ah well, politics.

Hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

The kind potential-T referred me to a psychologist who's in her first year of AEDP (the type of therapy I posted the link about) training. Because she's a psychologist Medicare WILL cover her. So I'm going to set up an appt with her and see how it feels.

Have NO idea how I would (nor if I should) say farewell to current-T/human security blanket. That's a problem for later, if I decide to go forward with a new female T. I know he would support and not guilt me...it's me, feeling dependent on him, who is anxious about it.

Yikers,
Hops

[lighter]

Hops:

I hope you can find a way to reframe the safety blanket T, and new experiences with Female T.... trying a new T doesn't mean you can't go back to your old T.  It doesn't mean relationship with old T will be impacted negatively.  You're an adult, with the ability to choose, make mistakes, find new solutions, and keep moving ahead with new experiences adding wisdom. 

It seems like you're experiencing some measure of anxiety over "what if?"  That anxiety is in the future, and likely won't happen. 

Look at it this way.... What if you align with new T in a way that brings growth, and joy?

What if you're referred to a T, by the F T, and that T refers you to an amazing T? 

You can't know what comes next.  You can follow your instincts, and frame each decision in the best possible light.  Mistake or no mistake, there will be lessons.  Those lessons are meant for you, and you're exactly where you're supposed to be.  All will be well. 

Breath.  Snuggle pooch.  Enjoy this fall weather.  See that new T without fear.  Explore, and know you're entitled to explore.  It's OK.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Thank you, ((((Lighter)))).

That is exactly what I need to be saying to myself.
I appreciate it.

I'm embarrassed by anxiety, to tell the truth.
But I shouldn't be. I should just work on relaxing
and thinking more positively about what's ahead.

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Then again, maybe I'll relax on November 7th.

Sweet bleedin' Jebus.

Hops

[lighter]

Well..... oldest dd and I voted yesterday, and our State is enjoying record turn outs for early voters.  I'll just be glad for that, and all woke discussions, bc they're a good thing coming out of the chaos. 

Also, try to assume observer mode regarding your anxiety.  It's not a good or bad thing... it's something for you to notice, and pay attention to.  It's a messenger, and you don't know what it needs you to hear....
yet.

You're smart, brave, and sensitive, so you'll sit with it, and figure it out. 

Stop watching the news for a bit, Hops, if you think it would help. 

Lighter