Thanks Hops! I wonder what new stuff we'll get up to this year, all of us?
Dr G probably has run into something that I'm seeing (and not bringing up in conversations right now) with people who've been through a lot of the same kinds of PD-controlled relationships. I'm trying to wrap my head around it; even though I know I - as well as you all - have succeeded in dealing with, and still can struggle with the same "symptom".
That is, the impacts of crazymaking emotional abuse on people's belief that THEY (the actual victim) is the "problem"; are "insane"; or "there's something weak, deficient, or "wrong" about themselves. That they need "fixing". Hol & I have shared enough of our common & different experiences of this symptom and the observations we have about the person responsible for creating those conditions.
By of example; illustration... trying to make that experiential connection of "we know that place"; you're (sadly) not alone in it.
Having learned from you, Hops... the prophylactic attributes of compassion - both for one's self, and for others - I am interjecting as much of this as seems appropriate at a specific moment. Sometimes, though... a person has retreated so far into themselves, that compassion goes right on by them. Because they FEEL they don't matter; even though rationally, they know that's not accurate. It's almost OCD; an obsession... with the feeling. Possibly punishing themselves, possibly giving up, possibly dealing with untangling the internalization of the abusive ideas that have been repeated to the person so long... that cognitive dissonance prevents them from even knowing what's real, what's fearful imagination, or a manipulative plot. (I'm sure there are other rationalizations too; those are just the ones I am familiar with.)
I don't know how to "crack" that obsessive belief hold over a person. So I think for the time being, it's time for me shut up; stop trying to work the problem; let the last couple days sink in... generate ideas/new feelings/ and in general... take care of me, while everyone else takes care of themselves. Sometimes doing other stuff, allows room for the realizations, insights, etc to happen.
Hol & I had one of our typical verbal/non-verbal/talking in emotions conversations last. A hold-over from her toddler non-verbal tantrums and knowing I'm a "safe" person to say anything to. In front of guests. She finally cracked and realized the only reason she was lashing out at me, was because she had tried to defer the grief over losing another friend to hang out & be the hostess... and she recovered quickly. She's making progress too. Friend we've been trying to help, stepped in to return the favor for her. He's pretty sharp and has good intuitive insight... it'll be interesting to see him turn the tables on us and hear his assessment of what happened.
Ye olde hermit needs some quiet time today... all by herself in her own head, own world of stuff to deal with... and Hol has commanded that I just take the whole day off. I think I'm going to do just that. All these people are actual adults with a lot of broad experience and used to responsibilities of their own. [stand DOWN, Amber...... take off the superhero cape; Holly needs to do that too]
