I’ve come back Dawning because I’m intrigued now. I wonder what they were thinking when they started to send you this stuff? Was there some event (as they perceived it) 10-12 years ago? I’m wondering if you made some physical move away then, and this is their way of trying to ‘hold on’ to you. To make you feel guilty for not being near them maybe? Just pondering here.
I find it strange that people send this stuff as gifts. They aren’t gifts. They’re some sort of manipulative message – although whatever the message they intend to send you, I’m not sure you receive it as they wish? Have you ever discussed this stuff with them, or have they ever mentioned why they’re sending it?
I like your take that you are a ‘repository for their memories’. Are they saying ‘we’re getting old now and you should visit, take care of us, give us our supply’? It’s beyond me. It seems so coldly manipulative in some ways. And yet because of that, they can’t be sure of your reaction can they? They don’t know you’re not going to just think ‘huh?’ and throw the stuff in the trash. Maybe they don’t give a toss about their own memories?
Whatever is in those boxes, it’s just stuff. It isn’t alive (I hope!) and it can’t hurt you unless you let it. You can imagine what it might be: old toys, photos, maybe school books? You can decide whether any of it means anything good or important to you. You’re in control, these things are in your possession now. And no-one knows what your reactions will be, particularly not the senders. They are not in control of how you feel. Can you open the boxes thinking ‘how is this intended to manipulate me?’.
But none of this means you have to be grateful. If you don’t want this stuff, or if it upsets you, you don’t have to say ‘thank you’. You can say, ‘I don’t want this stuff. If you want it kept, I’ll send it back to you. Let me know within two weeks, otherwise it’s going in the trash’. I know it’s not that simple, but sometimes it can be good just to say the alternatives and fantasise about doing them...
