Relationship/s

[Hopalong]

The C experience ended quite nicely. When he got my breakfast + ride email, he replied later that the heat drove him away and he had already left on an earlier train. I'm relieved.

He said it was worth the effort to come and hopes we'll stay in touch. I replied that by email (but not calls) that'd be fine by me. And I apologized for the ungracious won't-be-your-editor-ever remark and said I'd enjoy reading a chapter, just couldn't offer an edit.

Glad I met him and glad he's gone. Wouldn't mind seeing him again sometime, but no energy toward it for now. I also think he's too old for me. Seems like dog years when you get to your 70s....

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

It sounds like a good and sensible first date, Hopsie - just checking each other out, minimal expectations and I think you're right to avoid a telephone based relationship before meeting.  Very easy to build things into something they aren't and then the temptation is to make it fit instead of just accepting it's not a Grade A situation.  Good to keep in touch and have another winter email contact (and maybe safe winter get together if it's wanted).  A winter network sounds as necessary as a lockdown larder, I think   I'm glad it's gone well and hasn't been anything terrible to endure xx

[sKePTiKal]

For a lot of people, that winter network would help a lot. Even a confirmed happy hermit like myself could use the interaction. Hol could definitely use the inquiries from her friends - usually it's the other way around and she's starting to resent it. She's starting to work thru it. There is no such thing as a casual meetup with anyone out here.

[lighter]

Whew, so glad the date went OK.

Re connecting to your church, in ways you enjoy, sounds very hopeful and satisfying for you.

You sound so good!

Yay.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Finally. I've found my new man.
(The one on the right.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0PEVaIXwL6o&list=PLBmzY_egKQboqmInge55OpvGNMPXrJc4c&index=10

[sKePTiKal]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I wish he didn't have shades on so I could see his eyes.

[Hopalong]

Just check out Jacob's Ridge by searching that on YouTube.

There's one with a traumatized new rescue (white coat, sunburned nose) that he just sits with and talks to gently for about 20 minutes, telling him about the future being different from the past, and slowly this scared and depressed creature just heals while you're watching. It's the voice and how he touches him. Watching the animal's trust literally unfold in real time, and how he expresses it (head on shoulder, gradually relaxing) is really lovely.

Sigh. Oh, and the guy's vegan.

Had my meet with the woodworker last night and really enjoyed it. Fascinating person. Lived through a very rough/poor father-free childhood, has all sorts of issues (dyslexia, depression history, two divorces, heart surgery and cancer) and has wonderful talent...built the entire gorgeous interior of the restaurant. He owns his own business and property and lives in his shop -- just recently got indoor running water for it.

(We ordered inside but ate outdoors, lovely.) What I liked about him most is how open he is. He is open about himself and his struggles and completely unpretentious. I sensed a bit of resentment toward women in his profile but it may have been more frustration. Dunno if that's present or just scarring. He does a lot of work for ultra-rich people and undervalues himself severely (this is NOT $20/hour skill but his lack of self-worth; there's been lifetime shame/insecurity). He's 5' tall.

I think he'd be a good friend and also somebody I might be tempted to try to heal and rescue. If friendship helps, I'd be pleased to get to know him. I'm not drawn in other ways so far but really admired him for multiple reasons (his talent and his mature openness about himself and his life). And I told him so.

This is a healthy thing to do, is all. I don't think he and I are quite on the same page about masks. He said oh yes, I've got my mask right here (in the car) but didn't wear it when we were waiting to order inside the place, or afterward (I hadda go pee before I left and saw him, maskless, settling in for anothe beer at the bar). What with friend across the street so ill and the odd inconsistency, I am not sure he fully grasps the reality of microscopic particles and how instant infection can be.

Anyway, I'll definitely visit his shop sometime. He's making me a wooden spoon and brought the wood to show me. (I hinted.)

hugs
Hops

[sKePTiKal]

Hmmmm. Sounds promising. Even with certain things noted.

I get the impression, with his dedication to his craft, that he spends - and prefers to spend - a lot of time alone. Just being in his own "zone" and doing what he's good at. A great many women have issues about that; the ones with dependency/control issues anyway. He's probably sensitive to criticism that he's not attentive enough to their needs, ya know? It might be a little awkward figuring out to spend time together if you both require a larger than average amount of solo space & time -- but it might also be surprisingly joyful to find out it IS possible.

He's managed to survive this long on his own. Being "rescued" might not be very welcome. Then, there's that male pride thing too. Being open about his difficulties may be the strategy he's chosen to scare off anyone who isn't going to be authentic themselves. And perhaps, he'd just like to be acknowledged for how far he's come now from the past?

Very few relationships are begun on the first meeting. Even with me & B - we both know that kind of physical attraction is no solid basis for relationship. That started AFTER; I'd say we gave it serious thought that first year of separation and kept paying attention to each other... and how we felt about what we observed, and saw. There was a long "wait & see" period before even the idea of commitment was taken seriously.

If you do see him again, I'd try an experiment. Tell him how you feel about masks and why. See if he listens; and actually hears you without trying to change your mind. That kind of behavior is important to you in all your relationships - just differing degrees, depending on relationship. Take the risk, experiment, roll the dice... while it's early days, to find out more about him.

He sounds kinda close to the "type" of guy in the rescue farm. Did he just talk about himself without asking about you, waiting for you to make a "presentation"? Or did he take a genuine interest in your writing and how you spend your days?

[Hopalong]

Hmmm. I'm thinking just friendship, genuinely. Nothing "lesser" about that. He didn't ask a lot of questions about me but the talk flowed. I was a fascinated listener. Told him enough about myself. He didn't register much reaction but I do think there's a general hurt/possible resentment about women. Not curious.

I don't see him as someone I would build a real partnership with. Nothing wrong with him and many admirables, but there's not enough in common and he does live as he lives. He's got no resources other than a building filled with prize wood. He does have family and they're urging him to build himself an actual home, but he can't afford to. He used an outhouse for the last 17 years. I'm flexible but too bougie to go quite that frontier.

We both said to each other we were looking for new friends and I'm not sniffing for a romance possibility here. Would be happy to spend time with him again, and already wrote him about my not-on-same-page-re.-masks observation. No judgement, just explained I'm hyper-cautious so am being guided for now by the damn delta. I'll see how he responds. For me for now, no fantasizing or impulse to. It was just a nice and rewarding adventure to meet and talk for two hours.

THIS is the one (gonna plonk it on Tupp's thread too)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtFwEofmNrg

Hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

OMG, now I'm torn between Justin and Ronnie. Obsessed.

This is pure hilarity.
Finding belly laughs in the middle of How the World is Going is priceless!!!

Enjoy:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isemHch23Ac

hugs
Hops

[Hopalong]

Couple friendly dates. Wounded bird but beautifully self-aware man (he's done loads of therapy for years), woodworker. Met him once near where he lives, invited him to patio-sit for a brew a couple nights ago.

Enjoyed talking to him for two hours each time and he's going to be a good friend, I can tell. This counts a lot.

Upcoming maybe-date with an attractive man I'd responded to saying, I'm honestly intimidated by your fitness stuff since I've gained 20 lbs since my pic...no harm at all in changing your mind! He responded: actually, I can't run marathons any more due to an arthritic knee and I responded because your eyes sparkle when you smile and I'd still like to meet you. !!!!!  That was nice.

On it goes, slowly and at whatever pace appears and feels right.

hugs
Hops

[lighter]

Nice, Hops.  Sounds really positive on both counts....woodworker and ex marathon runner.

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Well, very very odd that it's happening but it continues. Woodworker already feels like a friend, so I'm glad about that. After all the quarantining and such is past I'll go visit his shop sometime. Not in a rush though because he lives in a rural, mask-resistant area. He's talked about it and I think has difficulty asserting it for people who come in his shop. (I encouraged him to put up a sign but I think he'd find that difficult. It's such a shame.) Anyway, I do hope he stays well so we can get to know each other more.

Today meeting for coffee a man who lives downtown near me and intrigues me for two reasons: 1) he's Scottish (can't help it, Tupp, like every ditsy Anglophile I do love the U.K. accents!) and 2) he's been a widower for 5 years after a 45-year marriage. #1 is just silly but #2 often means: this person is unafraid of commitment and has learned something about life via relationship. Not always true of course but maybe a better bet than someone with a divorce or two (like me). He also seems to have a sense of humor which would be VERY refreshing.

Couple days from now meeting someone who's also local, friendly but not pushy. His profile indicated a lot of athleticism and marathon running and I honestly thought he was out of my league -- told him why too. Did I tell y'all the thing about the photos? I added a few current ones and mentioned I feel self-conscious about my pandemic weight, and he responded he'd been interested because my eyes sparkle when I smiled (and he can't run marathons anyway any more due to an arthritic knee.) I thought his attitude was kind and ressuring.

That's it...no (well other than the Scot) fantasies but will try to the enjoy the reality of coffee with strangers, and I usually do!

hugs
Hops

[Twoapenny]

Well I'm liking the sound of these various dates, Hopsie!  They all sound a bit more suitable than M, whether for coffee, friendship or some more.  I'm glad they're at least nice conversations and you're not having to batter anyone off with a broom handle or anything I like that Marathon Man mentioned your sparkly eyes.  I now have visions of you arriving for your date with your eyelashes enlarged and bejewelled, like Miss Piggy   Lol.  I hope they all continue to give you nice social opportunities and get that network in place before winter sets in xx

[sKePTiKal]

Haha... I think I'd be sorely tempted to fantasize about the Scot too. In that way, I'm pretty sure Outlander has ruined a lot of women for the reality of stubborn, hard-headed Scottish men. I don't think there's any cure either. Let me know if ya find one!