Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on July 25, 2019, 12:46:36 PM ---Tupp:
Thank goodness the osteo helped with your jaw. You're asking for help, and getting it. So important to do that, IME. Did they say what's going on that your jaw is locking up?
Lighter
--- End quote ---
She's great, Lighter, really lovely lady and knows our previous osteopath from where we lived before :) She surfs as well so has been giving us tips on where to try body boarding, she's so sweet. She says it's stress and that we all have an area that's affected by stress and that will manifest in different ways depending on our individual circumstances. She said neck and shoulders is really common and that all affects the jaw as well; partly it's postural (son holding my arm when we walk, lugging bags on one side and son on the other, computer time, slouching and so on) but mostly stress and tension. I have to say that as the day's gone on I feel like I've swallowed a load of valium; so much has just melted away and I had a really nice nap this afternoon so it's definitely let a lot of stuff go. I found a good yoga routine on YouTube that focuses on the jaw so I'm going to try to add that to my routine to keep it supple, plus she showed me a couple of simple things to do through the day to try to keep it a bit less tight. The difference is amazing - any my headache has finally gone! Lol xx
Meh:
That's awesome. Is it the lions pose thing that you do for your jaw where you stick your tongue out?
I feel inspired after reading your post to do something body positive like yoga.
Meh:
Today I was texting a coworker friend and then the text turned into a phone call she talked to me for 30 mins about a single subject science fiction fantasy thing that was sort of teenager-esque. She is in her 30's. I listened but she didn't take a gasp. I asked her a few questions but after about 15 mins it felt like it was more detail than I could handle about something that wasn't interesting to me. I just listened but I thought about you Two while this was happening. I stay friends with her just because I feel like it's good to have any friends even if they are someone odd-minded as opposed to like-minded. But sometimes I wonder what friendships should be like. Is it enough to be human or do we have to have a lot in common. Also that she could ramble on for so long I don't think she cares if I'm even listening or not. If I wanted to end it all I would need to do is not put any effort in. I can talk about myself and sometimes she does have something to add. Still sometimes I wonder.
Meh:
Sometimes I wonder if it always requires or feels like more than 100% contribution. A friend stated we should do a picnic couple months ago and then said nothing more about it. Next week we are going to be in the same class, so I asked her the where when and hows. Was asking her how she wants to plan the food and she pretty much only said "well picnics are pretty casual". Yes I KNOW that by definition they always are casual BUT they require more planning than going to a restaraunt where you show up and sit down and do nothing else. still we all have to figure out something to bring because it's going to be around dinner time. Anyhow it kinda sounds like she doesn't want to bring anything at all. Shrug. It was her idea. So I started thinking of bringing a lot of stuff but it was her idea!!! There are other people coming so I will just coordinate with the others. But yeah I've been texting everybody to see if they are avail. trying to google where to have it because I don't live in that area. It's fine it's not a big deal and I like rallying the troops/harassing everybody into mutual understandings. BUT still part of the fun of a picnic is planning it and it's not a picnic without park food. It took a whole day of texting but finally 5/6 people are all going to show up at the same place at the same time. At least it's something. I wouldn't call any of them close friends.
Also when I was out today I overheard two women talking at Starbucks, they didn't know each other. One of them looked uninterested in what the other was saying. I think they met up just to meet new people, not sure if they met online or what. I should have just walked over there lol and joined them but nooooooo. But talk about proactive.
Twoapenny:
G, I could have written both of those posts, this is exactly what I'm struggling with at the minute! One of the friends I'm distancing myself from can talk for an hour without drawing breath, usually about someone else's drama. I will willingly listen endlessly to someone who is in an impossible situation and just needs to vent - bereavement, diagnosis of something hideous, husband just announced he's been having an affair for ten years and he's leaving - I understand that there are times when listening is all you can do. But, friends that talk only about something that interests them, for whatever reason - it's just tiring. And interestingly, the friend that talks about herself all the time is the same one that suggested going swimming (which I hate) and who this week called wanting to meet up that day (three hours notice) and who then kept suggesting I fit her in when I said no. I suppose it stands to reason if most of the conversations you have only involve them then they won't know much about the other person. And yes, lots of my friendships stopped once I stopped making an effort. There are many people who I didn't call for six months when my son first got ill, just because there was so much else going on I didn't even think about ringing people for a chat. It was only after six months I started to notice that not one of those people had called me in that time - I hadn't rung, so nothing else ever happened. So yes, perfectly possible to shed friends simply by not calling them (although also a good way to find out who your real mates are because they are the ones that phone - it's just a shock to the system if you find out it's no-one! I was lucky; one kept ringing and she has kept in touch with me weekly for nearly twenty years now, I am so lucky to have her).
And yes, organising other people is like herding cats! I've no idea how so many people manage with no idea what they're doing from one day to the next and constantly thinking on their feet and having to keep adapting each day - I find it exhausting. Phoning, texting, Facebook, then chasing again because tickets need to be booked, then organising how to get there - have stopped doing it now! Just too much hassle, especially when everyone says they want to come but then no-one comes back with a date or a time. And group food events like a picnic do need a bit of organising re who does what because otherwise everyone turns up with the same stuff and a lot of it gets wasted. And the meet with the other mums this week was a good example of that; we were meeting for a picnic and I thought (as did many others) that we were bringing our own individual food. Several had been told it was a group food thing so had bought stuff for everyone and ended up taking loads of it home. So yes, planning is required! Lol
I'm curious about the Starbucks ladies as well now, G, I'd have liked to know what the circumstances were. Lol, very proactive if they're meeting up unknown to see about becoming friends. Or maybe a date?
I've not been doing Lion's Pose with this particular yoga sequence but I honestly feel like I've taken Valium after I do it, it's releasing so much from my jaw. Have stuck the link below in case you want to have a look :)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbItEmN16jw
xx
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