Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
lighter:
Oh, your last post had me swooning. Such a lovely day filled with lovely people, Tupp.
There are choices, much if the time, about what we focus on. Yes, please, more joy, more laughter, more seeeeing beauty.
About the little neighbor girl....do you think this kindness circles back around to your experience with refuge, and heals young Tupp, along with providing shelter for this child? Not sure about that question, but it makes sense for me.
The island is OK as far as I know. No word today, so maybe electric out.
Remember to play music you love. Humm. Cold water rinse after shower, and to breath when your biology is hijacked.
You can take back your physical safety, and emotional peace. Sometimes I think we wait for permission, or for things to feel better. This isn't a passive endeavor, ime. Banishing the voices. Taking back the spaces they occupy is hard work, but people do it. You can do it. We all can.
So ride the waves, and expect ups and downs as things plane out.
Maybe tell your sister only things you want you mum to hear....meaning misdirection, and confusing untruths....maybe a bit of humor.
I love the idea of visiting friends and receiving support.....call friend's I if you feel vulnerable. Go check out that caravan when mum is expected. Let your friends feed you, and I know you'll feed them back.
New reciprocal fellowship, YES, please!
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on September 03, 2019, 03:15:27 PM ---Oh, your last post had me swooning. Such a lovely day filled with lovely people, Tupp.
There are choices, much if the time, about what we focus on. Yes, please, more joy, more laughter, more seeeeing beauty.
About the little neighbor girl....do you think this kindness circles back around to your experience with refuge, and heals young Tupp, along with providing shelter for this child? Not sure about that question, but it makes sense for me.
The island is OK as far as I know. No word today, so maybe electric out.
Remember to play music you love. Humm. Cold water rinse after shower, and to breath when your biology is hijacked.
You can take back your physical safety, and emotional peace. Sometimes I think we wait for permission, or for things to feel better. This isn't a passive endeavor, ime. Banishing the voices. Taking back the spaces they occupy is hard work, but people do it. You can do it. We all can.
So ride the waves, and expect ups and downs as things plane out.
Maybe tell your sister only things you want you mum to hear....meaning misdirection, and confusing untruths....maybe a bit of humor.
I love the idea of visiting friends and receiving support.....call friend's I if you feel vulnerable. Go check out that caravan when mum is expected. Let your friends feed you, and I know you'll feed them back.
New reciprocal fellowship, YES, please!
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Lighter, I'm glad the island is unscathed and hope that is still the case now. Such devastation, it's so frightening.
I think with the little girl - she's very cute but also very active, very loud, doesn't understand personal space and so on. The other kids aren't keen on her, they're quite kind and let her join in but it often ends in an argument or her being mean to one of them or vice versa. I get from the other kids that home life isn't great and another sibling might be in care? I don't know how accurate it all is but she feels like a little lost soul to me. My friend's parents, as a child, who used to let me sit round theirs, gave me a security and stability that I didn't understand or appreciate until I was a lot older. Probably not until I had my own son, to be honest. I'd like to think that maybe one day there will be a woman who looks back and remembers the single mum on her road who used to let her sit in the kitchen and do drawing and thinks of it as a nice memory. There is something to little Tupp there now. What's come up for me over the last year as I've looked into care options for my son is the huge difference between care in terms of someone making sure you eat and take your meds, and care from someone who loves you. There have been very few people in my life who I have felt genuinely cared about me and I feel with son that I am the only person in his life who genuinely cares. And knowing how hard I've found it to be surrounded by people who don't care, I kind of feel it's important to maybe be that person to someone else, even if it's only for a few minutes? Does that make sense? It's a bit early lol.
Yep, nice people about, I'm trying to focus on that now, and on myself, looking after myself, listening to my body, not pushing myself too much. Son starts back to college next week, I've organised reducing his timetable so that should help.
I read something yesterday - a meme on Facebook - that said no-one's coming to rescue you. You have to do it yourself, through self love and making good decisions. Making good decisions is something I really need to focus on as most of my coping mechanisms are unhealthy and if I don't have stress and drama in my life there's just a big empty hole. So I need to try to work on that.
Contact with sis is minimal now, I'm just done with the past, I think. I want a new life with positive, proactive people and people who'll support me, just by not causing me headaches and stress, you know. A lot of people from my past are very caught up in drama, as I used to be, and I just don't want that anymore. I want calm. I think we might go and have a working holiday at the friends' farm - just go for a few days and help them out a bit. Their boy and my son get on well, I can take his go kart and they can bomb up and down the track through the mud together :)
Twoapenny:
Right, I've got two new ideas I'm going to try.
I wake up feeling angry, stressed, not terribly well rested and usually mid argument about something legal or educational in my head - it's like all the stress and anxiety kind of pours out during the night and I wake up in a big puddle of it. I've tried various ways of starting the day but nothing seems to have helped long term. So my new idea is to try and spend the evening de-stressing - yoga, warm bath, reading, something light hobby wise - sewing or jewellery or something like that, or even a bit of de-cluttering, which I find relaxing - and see if that makes me wake up in a better mood. First night of trying it tonight so I'll let you know how it goes.
The other thing I tried today was to re-focus my negative, repetitive thoughts onto more positive matters. I'm not good with the law of attraction stuff, but this morning when I found myself endlessly running and re-running all the negatives about a friend I feel hasn't been a great friend recently I switched it to talking to myself about a really good friend of mine, as if I were describing her to someone new. Then I did that with another friend, then with you guys on here, then I went through random people I've met over the last couple of weeks who've been nice. That seemed to help so I'm going to keep trying to do that.
lighter:
That did make sense, Tupp. And the little girl likely has no idea what a boundary IS, honestly. She might benefit from having a lovely maternal spirit in her life draw pictures of what healthy boundaries are, and how we breath to get hold of our emotions so we get more of what we want, and create healthy lives for ourselves.
No pressure there, but darnit, maybe we were all that little girl, of a sort, and maybe we've all met her too. I wonder about the little lessons, that are actually VERY IMPORTANT, if we'd been introduced in our young lives. JUst pointed in a direction, or had a door opened to information we wouldn't become aware of till we were full arse grown, kwim?
I think dropping allll the people who keep you mired is a good plan, Tupp. I think moving ahead, and not looking back.... giving yourself permission to let the past go..... is amazing and freeing, and I'm trying to do that too. Even your sister.... for reasons she can't control. For reasons you can't control. Release her with love. Because you have to, for your own good.
(((Tupp))) Trying new things, to break that negative waking pattern, sounds healthy, and proactive to me. You're moving out of old patterns, TUPP! Yes.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on September 06, 2019, 04:41:11 PM ---That did make sense, Tupp. And the little girl likely has no idea what a boundary IS, honestly. She might benefit from having a lovely maternal spirit in her life draw pictures of what healthy boundaries are, and how we breath to get hold of our emotions so we get more of what we want, and create healthy lives for ourselves.
No pressure there, but darnit, maybe we were all that little girl, of a sort, and maybe we've all met her too. I wonder about the little lessons, that are actually VERY IMPORTANT, if we'd been introduced in our young lives. JUst pointed in a direction, or had a door opened to information we wouldn't become aware of till we were full arse grown, kwim?
I think dropping allll the people who keep you mired is a good plan, Tupp. I think moving ahead, and not looking back.... giving yourself permission to let the past go..... is amazing and freeing, and I'm trying to do that too. Even your sister.... for reasons she can't control. For reasons you can't control. Release her with love. Because you have to, for your own good.
(((Tupp))) Trying new things, to break that negative waking pattern, sounds healthy, and proactive to me. You're moving out of old patterns, TUPP! Yes.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Lighter, when I look back over my life I can see so many times when someone has just said or done something kind - often just an off-hand thing, not a huge deal to them, but years later I could see how that was very significant and poignant for me. The friend's parents, who I've mentioned before, and a teacher at junior school who told me how sorry she was that my dad had died. No-one mentioned my dad after he died. I think that was the way back then, people didn't talk about things, particularly with kids. She offered me her condolences, in the school playground, the way a grown up would, and it's just stuck with me ever since as being the right thing to do. I'm not even sure why, but it meant something to me. So yep, if that little one wants to come round and draw or tell me about her new bike then that's fine by me, it would be nice to think it would help in some small way.
Yes, new habits! I did wake up feeling less stressed than I normally do. Not completely without stress and I did find my mind wandering to negative things quite quickly, but I got it back fairly well. I can feel my neck and shoulders are knotted up so the plan for today is some time at the beach after son's sports sessions, a nice dinner and then I might aim for an evening of yoga? And see how I get on.
Son's speech therapy and occupational therapy have finally been organised. It still isn't the right amount but it's in place at last so I can carry on working on the personal budget plan and include that in it now. I've reduced his college hours (I might have already said that - sorry!) which should make life easier for us. The speech therapist is open to working with me so that I can carry on with what she does at home, don't know about the occupational therapist yet.
What I do notice is difficult is that, without stress or drama or constant adrenalin surges, there's a big empty space. I find that difficult, very draining and it affects my mood. So I think I'm just going to have to work on accepting that there will be a gap between leaving high stress people, situations, circumstances etc and having a healthy and fulfilling life that I find enjoyable and satisfying. There's going to be a lull between the two so I'm just going to have to keep it in mind and not get too freaked out by it xx
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