Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on May 31, 2019, 11:38:45 PM ---That's too bad about the day center. Would have been a social opportunity for both of you maybe.
--- End quote ---
I've probably been too harsh in my description of it, G, it's probably great for older people with different types of disabilities, but my son gets very overwhelmed by noise, people, lots going on and a lack of structure. So a big noisy space with forty odd people in it, no clear indication of who the staff are, no routine or timetable and no security (anyone can wander in or out and it's a five minute walk from the town centre) just makes it completely unsuitable for him. My frustration is that we've literally got hundreds of pages detailing his disabilities, I explain what he needs and who needs to do it over and over again and still people refer us to the wrong places constantly. I'm just frustrated because I've spent a year waiting for the professionals to sort everything out and it's clear now that I need to do it all myself and then tell them what to organised - which I don't mind doing but if I'd known last June that's what I needed to do it would have been done by July :) C'est la vie and all that, the sun is shining, summer holidays are coming, I'm about to do some yoga and I just don't care anymore :) Woo hooo! Lol. If reports of a deranged woman skipping on a beach make their way across the pond to you, you'll know who it is ;) xx x
Meh:
heheh I'm sure nobody would notice one more deranged person on the beach (smile) if its fun why not
lighter:
If I picture you, Tupp, in social situations....
taking your time.... observing the people around you, and how they interact with others.
If I see you choosing a person to interact with, just one or two that day, to explore possible connections with, while considering your needs, and possible joy.
IF I see you reaching out, testing a connection... sampling it for joy..... spark.... finding it, and turning fully to it, or not. Just remaining in your space, knowing that connection is not for you, now.
And there's flow to this process. No angst. No worry. The feelings of others are their own, not Tupp's to bear. She's safe within her boundaries. Comfortable. At ease in her skin. Free to be present in the moment. Old distractions fallen away without regret or sadness.
Tupp owns the world around her, whether she feels it or not. It is HER world, and her creative spirit has room to grow within the boundaries of that good, and right ownership. Fear, and jealousy fall away, and she no longer suffers comparisons with others. There's no room within Tupp's boundaries for such useless things. Time matters. Every second is special, and precious to her.
She can hear the rain, and birds....
feel the breeze, and sun.....
sense her son's happy activity nearby....
smell fresh laundry.....
and know the cup of tea she's enjoying is the best cup of tea she's ever had.
She looks forward to social arrangements, and feels there's always just enough. She lives from a place of abundance. She cultivates abundance her friends enjoy with her. These friends bring some home, and cultivate it for themselves. Tupp is teaching, as she learns.
TUPP is the happy recipient of this undercurrent in all aspects of her life. She doesn't get ahead of herself, and worry about tomorrow. She's proactive, and does what she can in the moment, then stays rooted in the moment. Her head is where her feet are, in the here and now, and this brings more peace and joy to her life.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is a dream. Today is all we have. It's what's real.... what's in front of us now. Tupp knows this, and if she forgets, she laughs, and returns to the present. She's human, and notices this, sans judgement. She's compassionate, as always, but now she's the first to receive this beautiful kindness. She's not scattering it about, waiting for it to come back. She has enough, and there's plenty to offer the worthy people invited into her world.
There are habits, and ways of being in the world. Blocking out distractions, in favor of things we value in the moment. Attention to details that matter, instead of worrying about what comes next. What comes next is what comes next.
I love the idea of beginning every morning stretching, and cultivating a strong healthy body. I'm trying to read PAIN FREE, by Pete Egoscue. I'm trying to learn his routine to stay healthy, since I'm feeling good right now, but it's a struggle, bc I want to jump around and read about all the things I've struggled with first. My brain scan has me pegged solidly with ADD, and I see it in everything I do. It's not a relief, to know that, yet. I think it will be.
Everyone has strengths and deficits. It's what makes us who we are. Leaning into the strengths, and staying curious about the deficits.... whatever they are.... is one way to get through life. I rather like the sound of doing it that way.
I hope you're finding joy in your weekend, Tupp. I hope your garden has little gems, and surprises for you. I hope you enjoy a long lavender epson salt soak in the tub, or read about something you're interested in. I hope you go out in nature, in social situations, take time to observe those around you, spend a little time with one or two, and explore the possibility of lovely connection. The connection should be real, and reciprocal. Cultivate those connections you find nourishing, Tupp. There's time, and room to breath.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Garbanzo on June 01, 2019, 05:09:04 AM ---heheh I'm sure nobody would notice one more deranged person on the beach (smile) if its fun why not
--- End quote ---
It's good to be deranged, G! And we're close to a few beaches so I can go to different ones to avoid being caught :) Ha ha xx
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 01, 2019, 01:12:32 PM ---
I really like the way you've written this, Lighter, it's like a little story of how things are and how nice life can be :)
If I picture you, Tupp, in social situations....
taking your time.... observing the people around you, and how they interact with others.
If I see you choosing a person to interact with, just one or two that day, to explore possible connections with, while considering your needs, and possible joy.
IF I see you reaching out, testing a connection... sampling it for joy..... spark.... finding it, and turning fully to it, or not. Just remaining in your space, knowing that connection is not for you, now.
Now it's very funny that you should have written this! I took son to a shamanic drumming circle yesterday. I have read a little bit about shamanism and had a healing session years ago. Son has never done anything like that at all and it was one of the things I put on my list of things to try out. I was nervous about it, not only because it was a new place, new people, new activity, but also because son has never done it and I was worried that he wouldn't like it or that the other people there would reject him and be unpleasant. And I think that anxiety is a big part of the problem I have with socialising? Because I hate the way that makes me feel, I go overboard to help other people feel included and involved - so when that doesn't happen to me, it makes me feel rejected instantly. Whereas, what I think is more likely, is that other people don't have that same instinct to soothe others because they don't have the same need to be soothed themselves? I think maybe what I do is project it outwards, and do for other people what I wish someone would do for me? So what I need to do is start focusing all that attention that I project forward into myself instead. Does that make sense?
The session went well, son enjoyed it although a couple of the people were very odd (I do think new age and spiritual type practices are a haven for narcissists and have met a fair few over the years. Instinct, again, and definitely a couple of people there to avoid but the others were nice and the session itself was interesting and I enjoyed it.
And there's flow to this process. No angst. No worry. The feelings of others are their own, not Tupp's to bear. She's safe within her boundaries. Comfortable. At ease in her skin. Free to be present in the moment. Old distractions fallen away without regret or sadness.
I think that's definitely the bit for me to work on, Lighter, I still take responsibility for other people's feelings, even though I'm trying not to. That's the bit I still need to work on, and feeling comfortable with myself. Not there yet, but working towards it :)
Tupp owns the world around her, whether she feels it or not. It is HER world, and her creative spirit has room to grow within the boundaries of that good, and right ownership. Fear, and jealousy fall away, and she no longer suffers comparisons with others. There's no room within Tupp's boundaries for such useless things. Time matters. Every second is special, and precious to her.
And yes, time matters, and I so much want it to be filled with good things that I want to be doing, rather than coping with the unpleasant consequences of other people's actions, whether they meant to be unpleasant or not. It's a timely reminder, thank you :)
She can hear the rain, and birds....
feel the breeze, and sun.....
sense her son's happy activity nearby....
smell fresh laundry.....
and know the cup of tea she's enjoying is the best cup of tea she's ever had
Ha ha, it's almost exactly that right now! No rain, but the birds are singing and sun is forecast for today (it's still quite early here. Son is asleep upstairs (although as I say that I've heard a clonk so he might be up. The washing machine is on and the dry load from yesterday is folded and waiting to go into the airing cupboard. And my cup of tea is delicious! Lol
She looks forward to social arrangements, and feels there's always just enough. She lives from a place of abundance. She cultivates abundance her friends enjoy with her. These friends bring some home, and cultivate it for themselves. Tupp is teaching, as she learns.
TUPP is the happy recipient of this undercurrent in all aspects of her life. She doesn't get ahead of herself, and worry about tomorrow. She's proactive, and does what she can in the moment, then stays rooted in the moment. Her head is where her feet are, in the here and now, and this brings more peace and joy to her life.
Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is a dream. Today is all we have. It's what's real.... what's in front of us now. Tupp knows this, and if she forgets, she laughs, and returns to the present. She's human, and notices this, sans judgement. She's compassionate, as always, but now she's the first to receive this beautiful kindness. She's not scattering it about, waiting for it to come back. She has enough, and there's plenty to offer the worthy people invited into her world.
There are habits, and ways of being in the world. Blocking out distractions, in favor of things we value in the moment. Attention to details that matter, instead of worrying about what comes next. What comes next is what comes next.
I love the idea of beginning every morning stretching, and cultivating a strong healthy body. I'm trying to read PAIN FREE, by Pete Egoscue. I'm trying to learn his routine to stay healthy, since I'm feeling good right now, but it's a struggle, bc I want to jump around and read about all the things I've struggled with first. My brain scan has me pegged solidly with ADD, and I see it in everything I do. It's not a relief, to know that, yet. I think it will be.
Everyone has strengths and deficits. It's what makes us who we are. Leaning into the strengths, and staying curious about the deficits.... whatever they are.... is one way to get through life. I rather like the sound of doing it that way.
I hope you're finding joy in your weekend, Tupp. I hope your garden has little gems, and surprises for you. I hope you enjoy a long lavender epson salt soak in the tub, or read about something you're interested in. I hope you go out in nature, in social situations, take time to observe those around you, spend a little time with one or two, and explore the possibility of lovely connection. The connection should be real, and reciprocal. Cultivate those connections you find nourishing, Tupp. There's time, and room to breath.
Lighter
All of this chimes with me, Lighter - new beginnings, new connections, new ways of doing things. I really want things to change now, for life to be happier and easier and more enjoyable and yes, filled with good connections. We're getting there, aren't we? And with the ADD revelation now for you, will that make changes in your life, do you think, or do you feel like you knew anyway but it just wasn't 'official'? Lots of love to all of you xx
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