Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Reciprocal Relationships with Others and Ourselves
Hopalong:
((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))
You are a good person who sometimes feels the rage rush through. And what you do is protect others and protect yourself until it passes.
You are such a grownup; you awe me.
I am so glad you're resting, and wish to bits that I could be there to make you a cuppa when you wake from your nap, do funny faces and games with your son, bring in flowers, bathe the cat, and bring you a novel that will change your life for the better, drawing you in so deep that you come out with your soul bigger.
Hugs,
Hops
lighter:
Hi, Tupp:
I don't have any answers, but I know your feelings belong, deserve attention, and validation. They can't be blocked or pushed down. They need to come out, and feel sunshine.
You've been so strong, so heroic, such an advocate for your son..... you're tired, and angry, of course you are.
There's a new time coming. One where you put yourself first, and build your tolerance for feeling safe and OK. It's a new term for me.... PAT.... short for I foget what, but it's a THING, trust me.
I've just learned how to FIND my safe place... so many ways to fail, or trigger or just not get it right, but I DID IT YESTERDAY, and will post about it on another thread.
Just want you to know this anger is a messenger. How you've been doing things isn't working any more, and it's OK to STOP, and do something else.
You're so smart, and capable.... you'll replace the old with new, better things.
SO BE angery when you feel it come up. Rest when you need to. Drop all judgement around everything, and just pay attention to it. What's going on around you... what do you smell, feel, taste, and hear?
Breath like you're filling your lungs from the bottom to the top... fill your vase. Slowly. Then pour it out, slowly.
Focus on your breath, and know things will get better.
Lighter
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on June 25, 2019, 08:22:26 AM ---Doesn't sound weird to me at all, Tupp. (((((Tupp)))))
The strongest trees will break, because they don't bend easily when the winds are fierce.
Pick one thing a day, to focus on. Don't try to do everything all at once - even if it all NEEDS to get done. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. But you can only do the one thing you're doing at this moment.
--- End quote ---
That's good advice, Skep, and I have heeded it! In the simplest of terms, as long as we eat we won't die and that's pretty much our only essential! I just can't be bothered with it all anymore; I feel like I have worked all my life, in every sense - for money, to improve myself, to educate myself, to try to build friendships and relationships - and it feels like it just isn't worth the effort. I was chatting to a guy the other day, friend of a friend of a friend kind of thing. He lives in a caravan, does mostly gardening work (which he loves) and just moves around depending where the work is and what else he feels like doing. Pretty low income but also low living costs so although he doesn't earn a lot he has money for the things he enjoys and he's just really happy. Low key, doing what he loves and not fussing about everything else. I was very envious!
So yes, am currently on a go slow, I'm doing what needs to be done and then just doing what I fancy. Thank you :) x
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: Hopalong on June 25, 2019, 02:59:21 PM ---((((((((((((Tupp))))))))))))))))))
You are a good person who sometimes feels the rage rush through. And what you do is protect others and protect yourself until it passes.
You are such a grownup; you awe me.
I am so glad you're resting, and wish to bits that I could be there to make you a cuppa when you wake from your nap, do funny faces and games with your son, bring in flowers, bathe the cat, and bring you a novel that will change your life for the better, drawing you in so deep that you come out with your soul bigger.
Hugs,
Hops
--- End quote ---
Aw, Hops, thank you, I really appreciate that. The thought of you trying to bathe our deranged cat is hilarious :) Lol. I'm fine, I've just put down the enormous amount of crap I carry about and I just want to reset and get a life that's worth living. College is over - hooray! So we've got ten weeks now of marching to the beat of our own drum and I'm going to use that time to reset, think, rest and get some perspective. I feel like life is always just reacting to each situation so I'm trying really hard not to react and to think, do I need to do anything, can I ignore this, can I leave it, can I do something else instead? I sit on the beach and it's so lovely; the sand's warm, the coastline is stunning; truly beautiful cliffs and coastal paths and some beautiful houses nestled up on the cliff tops. The waves crash or lap depending on the weather and we tend to go later in the day so it's usually surfers and dog walkers by then. Really cute dog just came running over and plonked himself down on the blanket between myself and son; it's hilarious the way dogs just decide they want attention and insist you give it to them. His owner was lovely as well so that chat was nice. I just want more niceness in my life and I want my normal to be much happier than it is. The beach trips reset me and just get me back to being able to cope again and I'd really love to go to the beach already coping and then enjoy it so it tops me up rather than just getting me back to manageable, if that makes sense? x
Twoapenny:
--- Quote from: lighter on June 27, 2019, 12:38:29 PM ---Hi, Tupp:
I don't have any answers, but I know your feelings belong, deserve attention, and validation. They can't be blocked or pushed down. They need to come out, and feel sunshine.
You've been so strong, so heroic, such an advocate for your son..... you're tired, and angry, of course you are.
There's a new time coming. One where you put yourself first, and build your tolerance for feeling safe and OK. It's a new term for me.... PAT.... short for I foget what, but it's a THING, trust me.
I've just learned how to FIND my safe place... so many ways to fail, or trigger or just not get it right, but I DID IT YESTERDAY, and will post about it on another thread.
Just want you to know this anger is a messenger. How you've been doing things isn't working any more, and it's OK to STOP, and do something else.
You're so smart, and capable.... you'll replace the old with new, better things.
SO BE angery when you feel it come up. Rest when you need to. Drop all judgement around everything, and just pay attention to it. What's going on around you... what do you smell, feel, taste, and hear?
Breath like you're filling your lungs from the bottom to the top... fill your vase. Slowly. Then pour it out, slowly.
Focus on your breath, and know things will get better.
Lighter
--- End quote ---
Thanks, Lighter, I do think of you when thoughts and feelings come up and try to observe it and see what it is rather than judging it or trying to push it away. I think the big problem is time - when you have ten things to do and half an hour to do them it's hard then to take time to observe how you feel or think about it objectively. But now college has finished for the summer we will have time so I'm really hoping I can spend this next ten weeks observing, letting things out, avoiding new stress and just generally moving ahead in a way that benefits me, rather than battling with so many people all of the time. It feels like it comes from every angle at times and that's what I struggle with so I'm hoping I can reset now and change that around a bit. xx
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