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Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
I believe it's neural pathways, and an unconscious seeking behavior to finally resolve old struggles. It's not just one part of our brain... it's all connected, and there are different ways to process the information coming at us, IME.
OH.... the satisfying click when our sickness fits perfectly into the same shaped slot of opposing sickness.... and we're going to solve it, ALLLL OF IT this time. That was first marriage stuff for me. Likely for many of us here.
And we aren't aware, IME. We're choosing to focus on the differences, therefore completely sidetracked from the things that actually draw us together, IME. So easy to deceive ourselves, IME. It feeeels so gooooood when we come up against that old problem. It feels like we're finally going to be happy... finally going to find the answers... finally going to be good enough... finally going to be loved for who we are, and it's intoxicating. It's something I learned to run from, hence.... marrying an ASPD the second marriage, who I wasn't attracted to, and having children at 37 years old. I thought I'd cracked the code, but I was wrong. SOME part of me, way down deep in my subconscious KNEW.
I do think our intuition can work all this out, and help us sidestep the old struggles. It just has to stand up to the old hope.... and require we honor the intuition more than we honor the desire to resolve the old struggle, IME.
This reminds me of the saying...
"Sometimes the you eat the bear. Sometimes the bear eats you."
The bear eats us IF we don't honor our intuition, IME.
Lighter
lighter:
I'm sharing this lovely message from Madisyn Taylor I found on DailyOM this evening: )
Oct 21 at 3:03 PM
Meaning
BY MADISYN TAYLOR
How we attach meaning to events in our lives has a large influence on the quality of our life.
The meaning we assign to our experiences––whether pleasant or distressing––is a very powerful factor in determining the quality of our lives. What we imagine events to mean will color the way we feel about ourselves, about the people in our lives, and about the world at large. If we want to encourage a positive outlook, well-being, and a sense of self-confidence and even trust in the universe, we can begin by assigning more peaceful, loving meanings to what we experience.
Imagine, for example, that a friend fails to show up to a lunch date. You have choices as to what you will make this experience mean for you. You could allow being "stood up" to reinforce your feelings of unworthiness, you could begin to mentally attack your friend's character, or you could assume that something big must have happened to cause them to miss the date--then, you might open yourself up to enjoying some relaxing time alone.
If you were recently laid off and are having difficulty finding a new job, consider that you might have hidden gifts or passions that were untapped in your regular career that you are now available to explore. The universe might simply be moving you in a more fulfilling direction. If you have recently lost a loved one, gained weight, lost money, or gotten in a fight with your partner, see if you can infuse the experience with meaning that feels loving and empowering and opens a door for you to embrace life and the world a bit more.
When we begin to bring consciousness to what we are making things mean, we may be shocked at the messages we have been feeding ourselves all these years. Try taking the reins and begin assigning a kinder meaning to the events in your life and you will likely find yourself on a much more pleasant ride.
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sKePTiKal:
Hmmmm.... just quickly riffing mentally here, I may change my mind about this after I ponder & observe some more...
INTUITION, yes. That is a big contributor to the meaning we assign events, especially interpersonal ones. It can over rule conditioning. But we do have to consciously engage it; too often in the moment - we're just running on auto-pilot and that's when conditioning takes over.
If we SEEK, and we set up a close replica of the original situation that could be left unresolved to our satisfaction... then, how can we possibly expect different results? It's akin to the old cliche about the definition of insanity; it's really just up to US, to do something DIFFERENT; try another way; something NEW. We need to grant ourselves permission to take that risk, fly by the seat of our pants, and really DO something different.
Maybe people can't even see that; until they have actually identified what they are seeking; accept that it failed to provide the expected results; and it's merely a concept in their mind - a thing, apart from the self. Which means it can be edited; changed; with work and conscious attention.
lighter:
--- Quote from: sKePTiKal on October 22, 2019, 11:15:22 AM ---Hmmmm.... just quickly riffing mentally here, I may change my mind about this after I ponder & observe some more...
INTUITION, yes. That is a big contributor to the meaning we assign events, especially interpersonal ones. It can over rule conditioning. But we do have to consciously engage it; too often in the moment - we're just running on auto-pilot and that's when conditioning takes over. In my experience, intuition pops up, and speaks the truth BEFORE conditioning, or reactions pops up. I've put boundaries in place, bc of my intuition, but failed to enforce those boundaries, bc..... bc...... I allowed the conditioning to come up, all painted and in very pretty form, presenting as something it wasn't, and my failure to honor my intuition was the true failure. It wasn't the conditioning, as far as I can tell. I walked away, and felt relief.
I was targeted, and tricked by an ASPD N, bc of my failure to honor myself more than the pretty stories the PD was weaving. I knew better, and my failure was enforcing the boundaries.
If we SEEK, and we set up a close replica of the original situation that could be left unresolved to our satisfaction... then, how can we possibly expect different results? It's akin to the old cliche about the definition of insanity; it's really just up to US, to do something DIFFERENT; try another way; something NEW. We need to grant ourselves permission to take that risk, fly by the seat of our pants, and really DO something different. I think we seek to set up the initial problem ONLY IF we fail to give attention to the difficult emotions around that story/problem.
IF we bring up the emotions with the ability to bring logic and problem solving skills to it, then we don't have to repeat to resolve. We simply give our brains the chance to process the emotions, so they can be filed away in the FINISHED AND DONE file, once and for all. Until we can do that,
there's always the chance we'll repeat the struggle in an attempt to relieve the stress that keeps popping up in our brains, the exact stress in the exact same places in our brains where the initial stress happened. In that case, it FEELS like we're in that spot, the day it happened, in the same place it happened. The brain can't tell the difference. The brain shifts into fight or flight automatically, and we keep getting the same results till we come up under the sympathetic nervous system, engage the parasympathetic nervous system, and engage higher thinking.
Maybe people can't even see that; until they have actually identified what they are seeking; accept that it failed to provide the expected results; and it's merely a concept in their mind The story is just a concept... the emotions are very real, and in need of our attention.
That's why they keep coming back up, over and over. As long as we're experiencing them in the limbic system, with all the judgment, and fear around the initial wound, we can't bring our higher thinking online to finish processing and filing the hard emotions where they need to go. - a thing, apart from the self. Which means it can be edited; changed; with work and conscious attention. Not edited. Processed, and filed appropriately. Once we do that, the emotions stop clammering for attention. We have relief around that emotion, and the stories are no longer charged for us.
I think we're talking about the same thing here. Not really sure; )
Lighter
--- End quote ---
sKePTiKal:
Yep; I think we're both saying the same thing. Different vocabularies and ways of "knowing" something; understanding. It's a good thing in this type of thread to have more than one way of describing something. Different words.
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