Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Hopalong:
If vestibular stuff doesn't go away fully, still hope you'll see a neurologist, but Dr Hops isn't as smart as she thinks she is.
Hugs
Hops
lighter:
I have acT appointment today and what comes up is.....the places where hard NOs (reactive NOs)used to live are mostly emptying, at least for now.
It's a relief, but then I notice overwhelm pop up, bc........other people's parts. Feel overwhelming.
I go back to my toolbox. What can I do in this moment? I'll do it, then put the story on the shelf......mine the joy in front of me while cleaning windows (sort of like walking meditation) and help sister form better wells around trees. She's enjoying the physical labor.
Today begins early......but first, to the floss!
Lighter
lighter:
T appt was hard......there was some overwhelm and regret..... the usual when doing the deeper work. Why did I sign up for this?!? Like vomiting, during stomach virus. It's a fearful thing, but leads to feeling better. I talked to Whirly about this....asked if she'd like to feel better. She did.
I took W's hand and asked her to show me what she needed me to see. Protector part popped up a few minutes in....protector said "she's too sweet...." and was asked into waiting room. Protector went, but threw "and not supervised well enough" over her shoulder.
T said protector welcome to chime in and stay with us.
Whirly took me to many places at the first house I remember living in.....showed the time she was found patting Grandma Bingo's hand at her mailbox, having had a stroke. Showed the mouthful of sand, thrown by sib, her heartbreak on the stoop, having been "spanked" and left to think about it.....spanked for drawing on wall, spanked for getting into adult liquor flavored candy, and finally showed herself dressed in bits and parts of many outfits chosen by mom.....never allowed an opinion. There was more, but cutting to chase here.
Asked her what place she needed to be free of ...she chose the entire property and home, so we walked to sacred space....my tomato garden, of course.
Asked where she felt these things she wanted to leave.....bottom of ribcage...like a muscle about to seize.
How did she want to release it? Water? Light? Fire? Earth?
Light....with fire. We worked on that till the ball of light caught flame, burned and burned to ashes. Then we buried them in the tomato garden and enjoyed the sights, smell and feel of the tomato plants.
Asked what I wanted to fill that space with..... assertiveness and joy.
Sat imagining safety, protection and joy for a while.....then onto homework.
Wiring this in.....like getting used to lacing fingers together left thumb over right, instead of vice versa....the way I'd always done ...the way that felt right.
What we experience feels like who we are. We think that's who we are. Creating pathways and building them is something I'll spend a little time on over the next 55 days.
Now.... get ing to get distilled water to clean windows. I think the hard water doesn't help windows get clean.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I love this, Lighter: what we experience feels like who we are.
It's very helpful to ponder. Thank you.
Hugs
Hops
sKePTiKal:
Well, right or wrong, partially or completely, I think I am NOT just what I experience. LOL.
At the same time, I can also assert that my experiences have helped create who I am. Either through how I felt, or how I reacted... and later, how I felt/reacted differently.
Maybe that's why we periodically deal with the "same old crap", further up the spiral of progress... but this is why I find consciousness to be a fascinating study/meditation. It's mysterious as hell. Always seeing/learning something new about it all.
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