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Mindfulness and codependence thread
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I made three batches of a chow fun flavored chicken and pork dish this morning.
Yesterday, the pug's food was cooked, mixed, portioned and frozen in, generally, 2.5 day portions. Lots of goopy flax and chia seeds, plus ground flax and eggshells, pork, beef, yams, peas and green beans this batch.....avocado oil.
Pug's R eye was red, but steroid drops cleared it up.
Judging, less, is changing internal things, IME. Feels insulating, from reactivity. I suspect it's something else.
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Being careful isn't enough. Being careful, enough, requires sea change in patience and also, cultivating several beats before acting.
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The girls are very happy right now.
Youngest had 6 friends over to prepare for Alice in Wonderland themed karaoke last night. The loft is working well as studio space....the sewing machine was humming, her bedroom had wig fittings, bathroom has makeup..... can't wait to hear the stories.
Downstairs, DD24 and her bf are giddy with the way things are working out. Planning a future with marriage, careers and travel.....which hasn't been spoken to me yet. I know, bc my sister told me about the M word.
The boy is stepping up.....more. Yesterday, he ran errands for everyone, grocery shopped and put away......carefully noting prices at Sam's, Aldi's and Ingles. Later, he and DD24 worked on his new website. I think whatever spell hit the contractor, has hit the boy, and it is splendid!
My sister's a wiz with cleaning/organizing non stop. Wiped down the large tiles yesterday and scraped ceiling where old fan came down. Super helpful....very good timing on this visit.
Good T session yesterday.
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Woke up at 2:22am with garbage/recycling day on my mind. Nice neighbor's permission to fill their empty, oversized cans has me googling Swedish death cleaning, and not the gentle kind.
Contractor will be here around 9am. If I could dive into my second walk in closet, I to would....but can't wake rest of the house.
The first walk in was emptied last week? Mostly bedding, linens and suit cases. DD24and her bf enjoying the large dresser and double overhead shelves he can reach easily. He moved the leather chair out and to his side of the bed.....he likes it.
I'll empty bedside table drawers today, and armoire. My sister wants me to leave the full closet, as is....overtly full. I think it could easily be emptied, by half, at least.
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Trigger warning for parents. There's generational trauma.... reckonings?, for some of my favorite people, ongoing, but coming to a most painful point, right now. Does any parent escape dreaded reckonings? I don't know any....well....
Yup. At least one of the likely BPD/Ns in my life has. Skinnied right through it, while finger pointing, and spewing terrible, egregiously untrue lies about those who knew who they truly are. What they've done....will always do.
Peck's book, People Of The Lie, comes to mind.....people with powerful and destructive narratives they pathologically can't see beyond, or even fathom, IME.
All that energy, spent destroying/trying to destroy truth tellers and their credibility....when it would have taken a fraction of time, to self reflect, and apologize, but....
was never an option.
Acceptance......some people are pathologically unable to self reflect and/or apologize. Unable to consider their part in ANYTHING at all. That's a really hard pill to swallow, when children/FOO are involved ...in any direction.
One adopts the PD'svnarrative, to remain in that chaotic orbit, or one detonates a bomb/series of escalating bombs, and that can feel like a never ending abyss, IME.
Ack, thinking about that flipped my stomach, and took my breath away. Esp for a child/grown child to face. So so so sad. For a parent to face. That bond, as it is, as it was dreamed of, and all the points in between.
My youngest still yanks me around....a bit. Reminding me of all the times I had no resources to consider her opinions, so she made herself small and helpful and no trouble, as long as she could. I know when it's connected to that trauma, bc she's reactive, with overblown opposing opinions and judments......reminding me to be so very proactive....to gently consider her and her feelings, well ahead, of decisions involving her. We're catching up, and it's been so painful, but healing. Worth the pain, definitely.
Therapy, for me, means I'm less reactive, more responsive....able to see what's really there. Self reflect, ouch, and take ownership.
I can't imagine, facing that abyss, without a trusted T's guidance. Avoiding dead ends and scenic routes, IME. Keeping things moving......keeping focus.
People go from one distraction to another, avoiding their pain. It's how humans are wired.
My avoidance informs how difficult it must be for those, with coping strategies, denying any and all fault, ime.
I believed everything is my fault.....so ...a more expedient path through dark nights of the soul, IME. Increases the amount of information coming in, and possibility to internalize, at least pieces, IME.
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