Author Topic: Mindfulness and codependence thread  (Read 136723 times)

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #165 on: April 10, 2020, 07:24:01 PM »
Clothes washer was shut down when I woke up this morning.  Things were going so well, too.  I called the repair guy and he'll be out Monday or Tuesday to look at washer and the stove top.... replace one of the heating elements.  Maybe he'll have a better stove for me instead.  This one is out of production, but has a downdraft, which I need.  Maybe I can find a newer one for the same money as a new heating element.  I guess repair guys are considered essential workers, cause he's very busy.

The new moss friend texted her day was going really well.  Yesterday she was upset over something she resolved. Helping her is like working on a lovely Japanese garden....bc her's is very Japanese, while mine is more of a mountain wood moss garden.  It's more creativity, more interest and more fun. 

I think it might go down to freezing tonight.  It was cold this morning so put a pot of ham and bean soup to cook..... will make GF cornbread from King Auther SO GOOD. 

Also made a Szechuan noodle dish with pork.... there's enough food for several days.   I can focus on other things this weekend.

Happy Good Friday... Happy Easter.

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #166 on: April 11, 2020, 04:47:31 AM »
Clothes washer was shut down when I woke up this morning.  Things were going so well, too.  I called the repair guy and he'll be out Monday or Tuesday to look at washer and the stove top.... replace one of the heating elements.  Maybe he'll have a better stove for me instead.  This one is out of production, but has a downdraft, which I need.  Maybe I can find a newer one for the same money as a new heating element.  I guess repair guys are considered essential workers, cause he's very busy.

The new moss friend texted her day was going really well.  Yesterday she was upset over something she resolved. Helping her is like working on a lovely Japanese garden....bc her's is very Japanese, while mine is more of a mountain wood moss garden.  It's more creativity, more interest and more fun. 

I think it might go down to freezing tonight.  It was cold this morning so put a pot of ham and bean soup to cook..... will make GF cornbread from King Auther SO GOOD. 

Also made a Szechuan noodle dish with pork.... there's enough food for several days.   I can focus on other things this weekend.

Happy Good Friday... Happy Easter.

Lighter

Ah I hope he can fix or replace it, Lighter, it's such a pain when those things break, they're so essential.  The food sounds yummy, and so do the moss gardens!  I am picturing you with your moss friend sitting in moss eating nice food with washing blowing on the line after the machine is fixed :)  Lol xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #167 on: April 14, 2020, 06:42:36 PM »
Wash machine needs replacing.  Could fix it....control panel going.  The bearings making funny noises too.  Maybe 800.00 in parts alone.  That's nuts.  Will look for another very soon.....and shop for a few groceries when I do.

Repair guy will check on stove parts and get back to me, I've been checking parts and they're super pricey.  Might look for newer stove. 

The moss is happy for the rain, but covered in storm debris.  I'm working in short bursts.  It's not bad. It's not feeling good either.

Lighter






Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #168 on: April 14, 2020, 10:13:03 PM »
Wash machine needs replacing.  Could fix it....control panel going.  The bearings making funny noises too.  Maybe 800.00 in parts alone.  That's nuts.  Will look for another very soon.....and shop for a few groceries when I do.

Repair guy will check on stove parts and get back to me, I've been checking parts and they're super pricey.  Might look for newer stove. 

The moss is happy for the rain, but covered in storm debris.  I'm working in short bursts.  It's not bad. It's not feeling good either.

Lighter

Ah, Lighter, it's so frustrating when big things break down at the same time, especially when they're such essential things.  Can you still use them both in the meantime or are they not working at all?  Difficult as well when parts and labour are more than a new item.

I hope you can sort the storm debris out and get the moss back the way you want it soon xx xx

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #169 on: April 14, 2020, 11:15:56 PM »
Lighter,
I hope you can float in that not-bad, not-good place and try out a state of trust...

Life is here. Change is here.

All will continue and all will be well.

hugs
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #170 on: April 15, 2020, 06:37:04 PM »
Oh, just when I was thinking about worrying about appliances..... something popped up and gave me true perspective.

So, I'm not worrying about the appliances. 

Instead I've arranged for the boy's mother to pick him up in the morning so as to NOT have him on my plate any longer.  I kept him much longer than was supposed.  I  feel obligated to get my household and life back to where I'm comfortable again. 

I've done that, without discussing it with the young people, and now dd is making her adjustments around the boy's whining/manipulative anger/silences/questioning her feeling for him... and she's really uncomfortable with it.

I wish I'd had the benefit of SEEING healthy boundaries put in place when I was a teenager.... sans highly charged emotions.

As I move through this process I recognize my father's voice.... and all the emotions he brought to every table. 

I recognize my teen self..... and I listen to HER voice... and shut down my father's voice. 

I will be calm. 
I will give my child agency over her body, choices and consequences, which isn't what my father did, btw.

I have my own business to attend to, and that's all I have to figure out....\
HUGE relief.

Lighter





lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #171 on: April 15, 2020, 07:26:30 PM »
I am SO comfortable with my choices today.

I am SO happy to take charge and DO what I need to do without navel-gazing up dell and downhill everyone else's reactions and desires... whew.

Not.



My.



Circus.

Not my clowns.

Huge relief.

Lighter

Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #172 on: April 16, 2020, 02:38:16 AM »
Well done, Lighter :)  It's an unprecedented time and we all need to make adjustments as we go along.  I hope things settle for you.  And that the dryer and stove get fixed even though you're not worrying about them anymore :) Lol xx

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #173 on: April 17, 2020, 10:05:11 AM »
The boy left yesterday.  His mom came, we exchanged seeds, had a lovely chat and they went on their way. 

I shopped... oldest dd went with, but stayed in the car... keeping me on track with lists and being safe.  It was a nice day and was good to be out and about with her, but I wasn't feeling very good about being in public, wearing the gear or keeping up with wiping things down. 

Afterwards I spent 3 hours harvesting moss from a yard about to be covered with mulch. SO MUCH AMAZING moss mixed together.  Perfect for new friend's yard.   We filled 8 large containers and could have filled that many more.  Much of the time was spent pulling weeds from what we harvested, honestly.  I might help her pull more weeds and plant today. It's beautiful weather for that.

The lady getting the mulch has lovely moss features in her yard.   She's planted moss under a tree.... in between the roots... just lovely with little stones for borders.  It was a treat.  She put a moss spiral in her front yard, but one moss ate the other and ruined it pretty quickly.  She also went to see the Moss lady in our area and bought her book, as did I when I started mossing.  She showed me how she uses a little flat shovel, which was new to me... usually I use smaller tools and my hands for everything.  The upshot is.... the gal new to mossing learned a lot about harvesting moss, stacking it, weeding it before planting and keeping it alive till you get to it.   

 It was interesting to have conversations that flowed SO easily.   We had so much in common.  The artist insists I select one of her paintings to thank me, and wants to have little gatherings at each of our houses to share what we're creating/have created with the moss... outdoor showers..... the perennials, etc.  I wouldn't mind sharing and trading Hosta with them.  Getting advice and giving advice.  The new mosser has big projects to plan and I've made about every mistake there is to make with a moss yard.   It's exciting,  bc her husband is a hard worker and I don't have to do the  work... mostly speaking about moving stones and leveling a large area.... scraping it.... creating a clean slate. 

The husband completely bought into mossing, and they enjoy it together.   It's nice, bc we all have such different yards.  I gave the new mosser 2 substantial flowering pear trees I don't have enough sun for.  The husband is addicted to planting trees, and lighting them.   It's fun..  he sounds like he walked out of the movie FARGO.... such a heavy accent.   I'm pretty sure I can get some help on some of my projects and exchange work I do well at their place.   

Last night the girls and I spent time together.... they were super helpful with groceries, planning meals.... we laughed a lot and had fun.   I watched COCO with oldest dd... youngest got bored with it, but oldest dd loves that movie with all the wonder of a young child...  very sweet.  It felt nice to have the house boy free.  The loft was restored to sacred space yesterday and I'm enjoying it now.  I have energy to work on the upstairs bathroom, maybe paint the trim around my window, and finish up some trim in the dining room that needs more caulk and a coat of paint. 

I talked about my stored wooden Japanese soaking tub with the mossing gals too.  It would fit in the outdoor shower or in either bathroom.  Lots to think about.

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #174 on: April 18, 2020, 11:29:54 PM »
It;s become necessary to delve into the concept of karma.  I was thinking about it quite a lot.

T said there's no such things as evil or sin.... as she's come to terms with karma.....just light and the absence of light.

Those harming others are in very deep pain themselves. For all practical purposes, they're already in hell, if there is a hell.   It's very dark inside them.  Very little light.

The more luminous beings are more evolved souls.  Souls return to the earth to complete lessons, as necessary, until they've learned enough.... gathered enough light....  they don't have to return when they've reached a certain point.  I guess they're free and living fully in the moment.  Even if we understand that for a second, before we die, if we understand it at the right time.... we don't have to come back.  Whew, again.

That was comforting to me.  Not having to return.

She went on to talk about lack of self-care really being about destroying oneself... eating the wrong foods... not exercising.... not caring for our inner world, etc.  Self-destruction.

Karma isn't about punishment, or being punished. 

Lighter

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #175 on: April 20, 2020, 07:05:34 AM »
I wish I'd sent the boy back home on the 26th of March, or sooner. 

Sooner.

I'm smacking myself in the forehead wondering why the heck I didn't DO THAT.

I think it's bc I thought youngest dd was entertained and less bored, but.... it was something I wish I'd done differently.

I'm not in charge of her boredom or entertainment. 

I'm in charge of this household and how it runs.

It seems so simple now.

Lighter


Twoapenny

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #176 on: April 20, 2020, 08:57:02 AM »
Be kind to yourself, Lighter :)  It's an unprecedented time.  You were doing a very sweet, kind, helpful thing, as you so often do.  From bits and pieces you've written on here it sounds as if your kindness may not have been reciprocated.  But - we live and learn.  He's gone now, you've got your loft back and hopefully some time and head space.  Perhaps once the washer and cooker problems have been sorted as well things might settle a bit more.  It's a tough time so don't give yourself a hard time.  I would be struggling if son wasn't so utterly content in his man cave doing nothing but exactly what he wants :)  Lol.  You did a good, kind thing and now you can be good and kind to you :)  (((((((((((((((((((Lighter ))))))))))))))))))))))))))) xx

Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #177 on: April 20, 2020, 12:10:27 PM »
Well said, Tupp! I agree.

And I love that mossing has become a verb, Lighter.
I moss
You moss
He/she moss
We moss
Y'all moss
They moss

Something unique in that species really speaks to you in a lovely way.
And mossing is bringing friending, too.

Enjoy,
Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."

lighter

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #178 on: April 20, 2020, 01:35:25 PM »
Hops and TuppL

Yes, moss is bringing new friendship and connection. 

This new gal has an art studio filled with things I have all in big armoirs in garage ..... the same sorts of things.  She does the same sort of art, but full time with gusto and I love it.  Maybe we can do art together too!
She collects the same huge pine cones from the wood, bark, gears and gadgets, bobs and bits.... lovely papers, the same paints and glues and root starting powders... that's for gardening, but also the same broken pottery and pots and MOSS! 

Tupp... I'm more in awareness than anything.  Not criticizing myself, but SEEING the options were there all along.  The only thing between them and me was ME, and that's important content.  It's time I see it, I guess, and I'm grateful.  I'm doing my best.  Thanks for the reminder to be super kind to myself, always.   Sometimes it slips away.

::nodding::.

I'm about to put the first load of wash in, then go out into the yard since the rain stopped and it warmed up a bit.  MOSS loves the rain.

::nodding::

I'll brush my hands through sporophytes and wonder why I don't do it every single day, bc it's pure joy.  Sometimes new friend L will point out something amazing I walk by all the time in my yard.  I do the same in hers.  It's a reminder to stop, drop the thing we're thinking about...usually the future... and just tune into now. 

You know what?  I think I used to live this way all the time.

I notice oldest dd looks up and smiles when I'm happy and present in the moment.  This has been a pattern since that smart little monkey noticed I'd picked up the weight of the world and put down the joy she was used to experiencing with me in 2006.

What a journey.  What a long roundabout way to get back to it. 

Lighter




Hopalong

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Re: Mindfulness and codependence thread
« Reply #179 on: April 20, 2020, 02:05:41 PM »
Don't you worry! ANY time we reconnect to our present selves, in peace, is the right time.

I think I used to live this way all the time.

That's beautiful.
It means you KNOW that your inner child who was able to be present and experience peace and happiness, is there.

Yay!

Hops
"That'll do, pig, that'll do."