Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
Twoapenny:
That storm sounds like a brilliant analogy for life, Lighter, and one that we can't access when we're still dealing with all the 'stuff'. I've got x, y and z in place. I can do no more than that. Let's just enjoy this. Yes. Amazing that you've come so far along this journey now that you can choose whether or not to be scared. You've got that much control over your own responses now. Wow. Did you imagine you could get to that point? I know over the many years I've been working on myself I've often wondered if I can reach a true state of 'I'm just doing my thing now' and genuinely not be thinking about other things. What an inspirational story from you. And it sounds like a lot of fun as well! I love storms but I do remember being out in one once with my son and a thunder clap going off directly above us and dear Lord, my heart nearly stopped. It's just so loud. Mother Nature showing she's a bad ass :)
I really resonated with what you wrote about forming a secure attachment with yourself. Makes so much sense and is something that can cause problems if we don't manage it in our earlier years, I think. I've often felt that I'm acting at being a grown up, rather than actually being one. I think the secure attachment is a part of being a grown up.
T's crying. How do you feel about that? I've had many over the years who've cried in front of me and said they feel tearful and/or emotional about what I said and to be honest, I don't like it. I get that's it's probably about showing you that it's okay to feel emotions and respond to them but I kind of like them to be strong and stoical. I think it pings too much on my "I must look after you" buttons and I feel like I have to watch what I say so they don't get upset. Does it bother you if they do it?
And seeing the world through the eyes of a child. I've found that so much with my boy; giving him the sort of childhood my mum didn't give me - the playing and making mud pies, long walks in the woods gathering acorns and leaves, reading stories, dressing up, finger painting, all that stuff. It was like it healed up the little girl in me who longed to do that. My dad did that stuff with me, I was lucky in that respect. It really helps all of us to have that happy childhood, I think, even if it's in adult life that it occurs. Really lovely reading your posts. I think this T is a very good fit for you.
Hopalong:
Another Tupp amazingism:
--- Quote ---It really helps all of us to have that happy childhood, I think, even if it's in adult life that it occurs.
--- End quote ---
Thank you, Tupp. I needed to hear this.
hugs
Hops
cats paw:
Lighter,
I can't believe so much time has gone by, and your DD is eighteen! So much has changed from years back.
You wrote "...accept the injustice and make peace with it, so I could see the rest of the lessons,". The Serenity Prayer came to my mind after continuing
to ponder that part of what you wrote.
I hope Pug is still doing well after that scare.
cp
lighter:
The Pug is losing weight... and had a very productive appointment with the chiropractor.
I expected more problems, but chiro said there's no big problems. One rear knee, not the one she injured as a little pup and limps on, is looser than the other one. Neither has anything wrong with it. BUT her hips are tight.
Her neck is tight as well, and he showed me how to decompress.... pulling... lengthening..... not squeezing neck. I've done it daily. I think it should be done several times a day, but her mommy... my 19yo dd, hasn't really picked up that ball yet. I have an 18yo dd too, they're almost 2 years apart.
I'm just glad the Pug has a good prognosis. Lose weight....between 6 and 8 lbs..... wear the halo device, and go through the motions of moving her hips, front legs, neck and take it easy.
About accepting injustice, cats paw....
it doesn't mean I say it's OK. It doesn't mean I stop doing everything I can do, reasonably, to remedy injustice. It means I don't waste my life worrying and raging over things I simply cannot change. That sets me up to think more clearly, be more responsive and get important things done I might otherwise not accomplish, bc I'm focused on what I can't change.
I hope that makes sense, and it is the serenity prayer, more or less. Just a different way of looking at it, with the benefit of understanding how worry and rage activate survival mode in our brains, creating biochemical hijacking, shutting down the parts of our brains we NEED to problem solve, be reasonable/rational and creative.... all the things we need to positively impact our lives and bring about the best possible outcome, IME.
I notice it every day now. How much clarity is available.... if I'm paying attention. How much easier, simpler, more joyful my life is..... now. BC I'm not wasting my energy spinning my wheels over the things I can't change. And it's glorious to notice and live in that difference, IME. It's a whole new mental space, and I believe I'll never get dragged back down to those lower, very unproductive, levels again. I believe it 100%, then notice the little challenges popping up for me.
What would that MEAN IF I didn't react the way I always have? Who would I be? Who WILL I be?
And I talk myself through it.... I'll be more responsive Lighter. More capable Lighter. I'll have more clarity and ability to act.
That's who I'll be. I think that's who I've become.
Cats Paw.... if I ever hurt you on the board, I didn't mean to. I've learned so much from some of the board strife. It was a relatively safe place to SEE and practice and notice, observe and impact... be impacted BY conflict in a way that wasn't too scary or constly, etc.
You'll tell me if I said anything I need to explain or apologize for. I don't want to go back and read old threads. I'm very happy in the present: )
Lighter
lighter:
I've shifted T appointments to every 2 weeks with the idea of spacing them out to 3 then 4 weeks.
I really loved seeing her face to face. I feel I've worked through all the large issues. I have tools I can access and apply now. It's a comfortable transition.
I noticed how relaxed I was in the yard this evening with the Pug. When oldest dd was way I felt the world was a slightlhy hostile place.... I'd look up at the tress at night... and remember feeling alone and vulnerable as a child on the highway.... the trees were so lonely looking.
I realize I haven't had that kind of thought in.... well... I can't remember when I did, and that's a good thing.
I don't even look up into the trees at night.... haven't... don't feel like it..... I'm wondering why I spent so much time IN that headspace, then I remember. I know that answer. I have clarity on it. It's going to be OK.
It IS OK. That is a true statement. I believe it.
More importantly....
I feel it in my body.
Lighter
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