Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
He was tested for Covid at hospital last night, Hops.
And he's as sweet and grateful as he ever was. He said his mom was angry he didn't finish cleaning his closet before going to a friend's house....considered it disrespectful behavior, which lines up with the mom' s story AND with what Frank is actually like as we know him. F went back to friend's house and mom told him he could find better accommodations elsewhere, which turned into a fight about F feeling bad on new meds and taking a day off work....then mom took him to hospital with nothing, and washed her hands of him..... So she said to everyone, including me.
"Above her pay grade" is how she put it, but I think she wishes him well and wants him to get the support he needs. I suspect she was angry and reacting.....not serious about kicking him out, but now...,with F's team disagreeing with her/ arguing.....maybe feels backed into a corner, further disrespected by everyone and reactive.
I know she has F's school computer and clothes.....she put med in mailbox so why not give me other things if she's really done?
Care team looking for shelters if we cant keep him, so they think it's for real.
I feel things making sense now. Youngest DD super maternal with F....you can see she FEELS what she's going to do before she knows what she'll do. DD also being more patient with me...,at 11:30pm, after 2.5 hours of running and waiting for F, I was very tired and referred to F as "her".....dd didn't even bat an eye....which was a huge relief. Or maybe she's lowered her expectations.....F so tiny and cute and feminine in appearance and voice. It's difficult to hold him in the right pronouns without blips. DD is protective mother hen, it seems. I mean no harm. She knows that.
As things stand, F stable here....seems like himself to me. Care team on board with him here, but will take me it day to day without fully committing, just in case.
I'm hoping it works out. I'm hoping he transitions to new home smoothly and without drama. He's 18 now.
Lighter
lighter:
Ok.
Update.
It feels like the processing has cleared brain space up for other things.
I tore out my laundry room, am cleaning a sopping wet mass of lint today from vent.
THIS space will be only for laundry supplies going forward. That means I'll get organization help from amazingly talented moss friend, who's home looks like an art museum.....everything has a place, kwim?
My goal IS NOT that perfection. Rather, I want to utilize my space efficiently and stop the ADD madness I suffer if I don't ask for help.
Moss friend is an artist. Her tidy huge work space has similar supplies BUT all ordered and easily accessible when she wants them.
I'd like to have systems and order to create within too!
So.....less emotional clutter seems to free up energy for decluttering physical space, IME.
I put a big beautifully shabby chic dresser in my closet...think distressed boho blues and ivory SO pretty.....an added shelf for bedding over the dresser is astonishingly useful.
The island box of things to send is in a corner, not in the center anymore. Island luggage folded and neat beside dresser. I have that closet back, which feels joyful AND I'm finally putting up art I have loved and stacked away over the years.
The same is happening with laundry room. I chose blue as accent. Could have chided green or turquoise, but the Robin's egg blue made my heart sing.
Sister and I were up till 2 making final selection....and there are so many things that bring me joy.....all put away or stuffed under other things, now touched and loved again.
I'm actually looking forward to cleaning out dryer vent and caulking! Woo hop. I think it's the huge satisfying payoff and job well done.
What I really think is.....
I'm in the zone: )
Lighter
P.S. I missed last appt with T and haven't rescheduled. I think I'll shift to once a month, or as needed. I might send our houseguest a fee times, if he seems agreeable. He has a whole support team. He might not want that kind of help I see as integral to my mental health, kwim?
Twoapenny:
That sounds lovely, Lighter, it's nice to be able to find things without having to hunt through half the house or pull out a dozen drawers before you get to it. I definitely find that emotional and physical clutter tend to complement one another, whether because one creates the other or lack in one area creates calm in another as well! The dresser sounds really lovely. I've glad you've got moss friend there to advise and make suggestions xx
lighter:
Well, we've had a bit of attention seeking behavior from our guest. Last night he went on an unprotected date and social encounter......no masks with these strangers.
Currently he's quarantined in my bed and bathrooms, and I guess I'll be bringing him food till he's placed in another hist home, which has to happen soon for all our mental health.
Things were clipping along with the laundry room then everything blew into a series of unfortunate events.
I want to shelve the laundry room project BUT have new dryer ordered....I feel driven to get a certain amount done first.
I have to tell you....people comfortable liing in chaos....
it seems, in this case, the boy manufactured this drama....maybe bc we're so boring and puzzle happy people?
I will say this. Lots of opportunity for boundary work happening. Youngest DD learning loads.
So....back to the chaos.
Lighter
Hopalong:
I'm confused but that's nothing new...
F is young teenaged friend of D, and a transgender girl, am I following? Is she on hormones? Perhaps mental health crises (so common for kids going through that) are related to those issues? If so, tragic--and scary, given the transgender teen suicide rate. Maybe impossible for a non-professional to handle. Poor kid.
I hope sister, moss friend, any other person who comes into your home has first quarantined reliably for two weeks. Maybe you've actually formed a "pod" with all these neighbors and friends you describe and I'm worrying about nuttin'.
Stay safe and enjoy your decor-tweaking....sounds really joyful to me.
hugs
Hops
PS My fire pit arrived (!) and I also ordered a simple log rack, just 3' long and tall, which holds about 1/8 cord. If I wind up using the pit a LOT I'll put one of those 2 x 4s-in-brackets racks behind the fence, order more wood, and just refill the smaller one from that. On the patio itself I just want the small rack since I have a perfect spot for it under an overhang. It's well designed and made in the US so I'm pleased. No tools to assemble and it breaks down easily to store in basement for summer.
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