Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Mindfulness and codependence thread
lighter:
Whoo hoo! Pain free is good news. You earned that cognac, Amber.
Thanks for the update. When do you head home?
Lighter
Hopalong:
O
M
G
That brings tears to my eyes, Amber. I can imagine new lightness and wonder or peace on B's face, the shocking sensation of not being gnawed at by an alligator or slow-feasting hyena all day long. He gets to just....be.
I'm soooo happy to hear it. Chronic pain is just a terribly heavy wet smelly blanket that blights lives. To hear he has respite now...that's soooo wonderful! I bet more sides of his personality will slowly reveal now -- discoveries. New colors. Play. How is he reacting?
This would never have happened without your steady, determined advocacy and support for B. Cheers to YOU!
Lighter, and Amber -- thanks for hearing out my highjack. I do feel I'm doing it better. It did feel good. The guy's unwell and I did a determined job of extricating myself. Took quite a few statements to get through to him, but I did. Feel good about it.
Ironically, my neighbor visited yesterday and I'd forgotten that he'd been her professor in another city years ago. She said she wasn't surprised and had never felt at ease around him, even decades back. HUH! Since she's not in my church community I could tell her the saga and she got it. Every nuance. One thing she pointed out was the "professor" part. I'm seeing a side of that more often now, especially since M, that I never saw an iota of in my own father. In some men my age, the ivory tower must've been built with an ego-polishing mechanism that rubbed them so sweetly every time they went up and down a staircase. So that's a profession I'll be more alert about, much as I'd like to meet a well-educated man.
Pretty simple, really. "NO." Means NO. Take notice. The first time they don't/won't "hear" you...decide then and there you'll either do/say something that brings them to full attention (a poetic F-u maybe?) OR just back away. Amazing how to many men, NO means: "Ooooo, what delightful resistance! I LIKE this game!"
Yuckspitblechhhgagbarf. This short piece is WORTH listening to, for the twist at the end. ENJOY!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pH7EzsFqQ-s
big hugs
Hops
lighter:
Oh..... love and marriage,
I REMEMBER YOU!!!
Whiny men, accusing me of doing what they're doing WHILE denying it when I call them out.
Controlling requests, beginning with small asks, building to relentless demands for my very sanity and physiacal safety.
And I SEE where allowing that first inch to be taken from me......
is my doing. I DID that. I don't have to do it anymore. I can keep myself safe. I know that now.
Idiot compassion had a place in my life.... I think it was the case with my Maternal Grandmother..... my niece does the same thing, I've noticed. We discuss it and are aware of it.... are dealing with it. Working on it.
What sweet relief to TRUST I'll remove myself immediately when I'm ignored or disrespected or bullied......
any foolishness can be just that.... foolishness and nothing to do with me.
Ya.
Lighter
Hopalong:
Can you say more about "idiot compassion", Lighter?
I know you ARE compassionate, but also know you're getting at something core.
hugs
Hops
lighter:
I guess my definition would be extending compassion beyond reason and safety....bc of some unconscous belief I have around the tabu of being selfish or ungenerous, etc.
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